Theresa never was my friend, despite what my parents love to tell me.

[Judge]

Just goes to show that even parents are capable of gaslighting their own child.

Disgusting- and very sad.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Theresa sounds like a user, entitled to you because she assisted you once. I wrote such toxic people out of my life.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Theresa sounds very toxic and similar to the woman that helped raise me who was a classic narcissist and self martyr. Sometimes your family are blind or fooled by what toxic people say and do to you and don’t truly understand that you were right until they become the target of the madness themselves. My dad believed everything that the crazy woman said about me and did want me to distance myself from her but he didn’t understand how much harder that was to do given she had total control of my life and she would not take no for an answer and intimidate me into changing my mind. He didn’t even understand that she would sometimes keep calling me when she was angry with me only for her to scream at me for twenty minutes straight and then hang up only to call back screaming again a few minutes later until the one day she did it to him and he got really angry and threatened to call the police on her for harassment. Even my stepmom became afraid of this woman for this incident and she isn’t the type that gets intimidated by people that easily. Ignore what your family says about this woman and if they don’t then tell them to call Theresa themselves and ask her to hang out with her if they like her so much and think she’s so wonderful and let them suffer the toxic behavior themselves. I know that I indirectly saved the life of the woman that raised me (my sister was the one to actually call for help because I was too confused about what was happening at the time) and I took care of her and she knew that I had played a part in saving her life and was somewhat grateful for it but my sister and I never used it as a manipulation tactic on her. Reminding someone that you saved their life every once in awhile is okay in my opinion if it doesn’t come up regularly and more as a reminiscent moment but to bring it up to guilt trip someone into getting what you want is just wrong.

 

[Thinx]

Still, you're not living with your mother or family, that's the good news.

What does confuse me about you, is why you don't have stuff you're involved in? Voluntary work, interests, something absorbing and important to you. This surely makes you more likely to be sitting and ruminating and missing alcohol or other addictions.

You need some stuff to replace the addictions. Like a strong absorbing interest, preferably including outdoors. Steam trains, photography, walking groups, volunteering at something, lots of charities would be so glad to have yr help, er, cinema groups, film studies courses, stuff you enjoy and are passionate about.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Theresa is a woman I met through a mental health support group I used to attend. She once literally saved my life when I had an allergic reaction to a medication I was prescribed the day before. She drove me to the ER that day. Never mind that she told the doctors I had an intellectual disability at that time, but she did save my life.

Ever since then, she has been milking me for whatever she could get. She would often call me 15 times in 10 minutes, then she would show up at my doorstep if I did not answer the phone. And the reason why? Often because she was out of cash and she would literally die if I did not buy her a Diet Coke that very second, and she did remind me she saved my life that one time, so she is entitled to all of this, even if it meant draining the change in my change jar because she had needs and she was always thirsty NOW!

Ahem.

I used to have a movie night within this mental health group. Most of the people who showed up genuinely wanted to see the movies I had scheduled. But Theresa always showed up and she always threw a tantrum because she did not want to see what I had scheduled, and she killed the movie group nights because the rest of the group did not know how to handle her when she started pounding her fists and stating that because she did not want to watch those movies, nobody else should want to watch them either. The last movie night I had, I planned on showing a couple of violent R-rated movies, and I explicitly told her if she did not want to watch that content she should stay at home. She shows up anyway, and then she throws a tantrum about how the movies I planned on showing were absolutely disgusting, and she coerced the people who wanted to see them into saying they thought so too. These people told me they did not know why I still let her at these nights. My parents told me I should never exclude her because she did save my life that one time.

Once, I had somebody over for an erotic experience in the afternoon. She literally calls 30 times in 15 minutes, so I finally answer the phone because I knew her next step would be to start pounding on my window. She said she was literally dying and she needed a Diet Coke right now, and I told her it had to wait until the next day. She shows up and starts pounding on my window because she knew I had change in my change jar. She killed the mood and there was no erotic experience that day. And she did not thank me when I gave her the change that was in my change jar. She felt entitled to take whatever she could from me.

And even though I cut this woman out of my life a couple of years ago, I still sometimes hear from my family about how I was an asshole to her, about how I should have kept her in my life because she did save it, about how she was one of the best friends I ever had.

Somebody save me from the insanity that is my blood family.

people like that amongst friends are toxic,male or female.i met someone like her who pressured me into going out with someone i didn`t want to go out with:a skinny girl ,when i only like chubby girls & she did that to me,out of wanting me to be happy.if i had felt it,i would`ve let her have it right then & there .

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Toxic people are generally narcissists who find a way to make everything about them somehow. The woman that helped raise me tried to make not being able to go to my sister’s wedding all about herself and guilt tripped me over things I did wrong as a kid as being why she couldn’t go when it was actually because she valued the credit card my dad paid for more than standing up to him when he said he did not want us to go to the wedding because he didn’t like my brother-in-law. I stood up to him and said that I was going no matter what and he respected me for standing up for what I believed was right even if he didn’t agree with it completely. All this woman did for weeks before I left to go to the wedding was complain and saying how she deserved to go and when I told my sister this she was furious that this woman was trying to make my sister’s own wedding all about her (the woman) and acting as usual that she was the victim. Theresa sounds the same way and I think that she needs to grow up because it sounds like she is acting very childish if she doesn’t get her own way and it causes others not to want to be around her. Constantly bringing up how she saved your life is an extremely low blow and ridiculous that she used it as a way to manipulate any situation where she wasn’t getting her own way into her favor. Real adults would never do that and that is textbook gaslighting right there.

 

[Knit Hat]

It sounds like your family had no clue about the obnoxious behavior she displayed on multiple occasions. It sounds like you are well rid of her and her manipulation. You know the truth of her character. You made the decision that was best for you. Kudos on that. Family can and will say uninformed crap. What matters is you doing what is healthiest for you.

That woman sounds like a sociopath or a borderline personality.

It sounds like your family had no clue about the obnoxious behavior she displayed on multiple occasions. It sounds like you are well rid of her and her manipulation. You know the truth of her character. You made the decision that was best for you. Kudos on that. Family can and will say uninformed crap. What matters is you doing what is healthiest for you.

That woman sounds like a sociopath or a borderline personality.

I was thinking the EXACT same thing! I've known a couple of sociopaths, they do crap like this.

 

[Knit Hat]

Y'know, I really feel like using the worst words in the English language to describe Theresa and my mother right now. Words that would earn me a permanent ban in a place like this. I am only refraining because I have a slight bit of common sense. I am frigging pissed off. I want beer, and I am denying myself beer, so I am not numbing any of this.

Don't give in! You did the right thing, and cut her out of your life. I know it's incredibly frustrating, but oftentimes when people get mixed in with sociopathic types, the people around them have a hard time believing it. It's because they know very well, how to look like the "good guy" to everyone else. Stay strong! Don't let this derail all of your accomplishments!

 

[Metalhead]

So, once again my mother brought Theresa up in conversation, claiming that she was a great friend to me and claiming that I should feel sorry for her since she is clearly hurting.

Then again, this is the same mother who told me I should feel sorry for my aunt when I told her my aunt sexually abused me when I was a child, so I should take everything my mother says with a grain of salt.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Even with 1kg of salt if neccesary.

 

[Darkkin]

Boulder of rock salt...I think you can get those by the ton on Amazon.

 

[Metalhead]

Boulder of rock salt...I think you can get those by the ton on Amazon.

That reminds me of the time when I was a teenager and my mother placed New Age rocks all over my bedroom to “soak up my negative energy”. I should have responded to that by placing a boulder in her bedroom.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

So, once again my mother brought Theresa up in conversation, claiming that she was a great friend to me and claiming that I should feel sorry for her since she is clearly hurting.

Then again, this is the same mother who told me I should feel sorry for my aunt when I told her my aunt sexually abused me when I was a child, so I should take everything my mother says with a grain of salt.

I would have straight up told your mom that if she likes Theresa so much then call her up and hang out with her. And then I would have said that I didn’t want to be friends with Theresa but I won’t stop your mom from being her friend. And then I’d let Theresa become toxic to her and let her see that you weren’t making things up about her.

 

[Metalhead]

I would have straight up told your mom that if she likes Theresa so much then call her up and hang out with her. And then I would have said that I didn’t want to be friends with Theresa but I won’t stop your mom from being her friend. And then I’d let Theresa become toxic to her and let her see that you weren’t making things up about her.

Yeah, my mother loves to tell me that I “am incapable of seeing what a great friend Theresa is” and that she attributes that to my Asperger syndrome. She also claims my Asperger diagnosis makes me incapable of remembering anything as “it actually happened”. She is pretty blatant with her gaslighting, she does not even try to hide the fact that she is trying to convince me that I am irredeemably cognitively impaired.

 

[Darkkin]

Your cognitive function is fine. Hers needs a crystal tuning.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Yeah, my mother loves to tell me that I “am incapable of seeing what a great friend Theresa is” and that she attributes that to my Asperger syndrome. She also claims my Asperger diagnosis makes me incapable of remembering anything as “it actually happened”. She is pretty blatant with her gaslighting, she does not even try to hide the fact that she is trying to convince me that I am irredeemably cognitively impaired.

I went through that too with my gaslighting abuser. Can you stop talking to your mom for awhile? That could send a message to her that you will not tolerate her guilt tripping you over Theresa. Set some boundaries with your mom and tell her to call Theresa and hang out with her if she likes her so much.

 

[Thinx]

Although it wouldn't be good if Theresa became a flying monkey to Yr mum, ie a person who does her bidding - as narcissists like to have around them. They'd be an unpleasant combo I'd say.

Hope you're making some progress with ideas to do something interesting / fun / different?

 

[Metalhead]

I hate Theresa so much that words cannot describe it. The fact that my family has taken her side so clearly makes me hate her even more. I keep on rehashing in my mind how much I hate her so very much. I need to just let it go.

 

[Thinx]

It's appropriate to hate her, she was abusive towards you, not supportive. But, you could decide to use that energy elsewhere , whilst not needing to forgive or forget. Why drain yourself on this person? Glad you don't have any contact with her now, that's good.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

I find that this thread raises an interesting point of view (and one I agree with), which is that mentally ill people are sometimes deeply unpleasant. The two (out of three) people I personally knew who I hate the most both suffer from depression and anxiety problems. Even though I wish them well with their mental health issues, I still do not see it as an excuse for how they treated me and I get angry occasionally when I think about them (and I am very calm and agreeable). Cycles of abuse and all that. Same goes for autists who can be complete (rhymes with) sticks!

Theresa, your mother and especially your aunt sound like horrible people and you would be well rid of them. I wish you luck in finding useful outlets or coping mechanisms for your anger. It is completely justified but it doesn't seem to be helping you much in your current situation. At least you are venting here instead of drinking.