Therapist Do's and Don'ts

[DogwoodTree]

My DH is an accountant...he says that actually sounds very optimistic if you can expect that much going into a job, lol.

 

[AsheSkyler]

My DH is an accountant...he says that actually sounds very optimistic if you can expect that much going into a job, lol.

He has my sympathies for the things he surely must deal with. Let me know if he's found a good wig company, I might need one if I keep pulling my hair out.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I won't fault you for it. I have very little respect for school myself because at best the most school ever did was get me vaguely familiar with terminology. The real world has never been anything like what schools and colleges said it should be like. If my accounting class had given each student a plastic shopping bag full of crumpled papers smelling of cigar smoke possibly manufactured in the 20s along with dead bugs and unidentifiable stains, not all of the invoices and statements present in the bag for the timeframe given, and told that was all the information they would receive, I don't think there would have been many people continuing in the profession!

Well said.

 

[Lukas]

As a teacher, my respect for the education system has degraded immensely in the past decade. Schools from K-college seem great at teaching people how to follow a flow chart... but lacks greatly in teaching someone how to actually think outside the box.... creativity is really being shoved under the rug..... Unfortunately most people in the contemporary world can do little more than follow the flow chart.... if your problem or issue isn't included in it... then the worker seems to become lost.. from bank tellers to police officers to corporate administrators... everyone seems to be following some generic flow chart. Additionally, nobody seems to have any responsibility anymore... mistakes get shoved to someone else or blamed on computer errors.

Experience is the best teacher... and conversing with someone experienced is a very close second....

BTW.. nice website Dan! Between Thich Nhat Hanh, Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell... I don't know who influenced my life more insofar as the written word is concerned. All are very wise guys.. Being introduced to these fellows did me wonders of good. They helped me find a way to enjoy life or at least showed me the door to my own individual humanity. One of my most helpful counselors introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh by helping me learn to eat raisins... awesome experience!

Feeling valuable to society seemed to be a great factor in my own personal happiness. Seeing that value was the task...

 

[Lukas]

How about this for creative thinking?

Second grade child with autism was asked to do the following task.

I would say he/she did perfect.. yes?

I wonder how the teacher graded the work?... the outside the box teacher would have praised it and given it an "A"... the inside the box teacher would have to follow his/her flow chart and mark them wrong and given an "F".

Incidentally... where the ^&*(% is the "y" and "z"..? LOL
And I would have asked why morse code engulfs the alphabet....

 

[ASD_Geek]

When I was 12, my parents took me to see a psychologist. I can remember going to see him and opening up to him. I remember feeling a little hurt after finding out that he was recalling our sessions back to them, still I liked going and talking.

I don't recall any "diagnosis" per se coming out of the meetings, just that I stopped going and we moved shortly thereafter. Man, would I like to know what was in my file.

 

[@iam_cloud]

When I was 12, my parents took me to see a psychologist. I can remember going to see him and opening up to him. I remember feeling a little hurt after finding out that he was recalling our sessions back to them, still I liked going and talking.

I don't recall any "diagnosis" per se coming out of the meetings, just that I stopped going and we moved shortly thereafter. Man, would I like to know what was in my file.

If this doctor was anywhere in the US, by law, you have a right to get a copy of the original file. Also, assuming that this was a medical doctor, (s)he could lose their license for sharing what you said without your express permission. (S)he is breaking rule number one of the Hippocratic Oath, "first, do no harm". Unless of course this was a family therapy deal... Not that I feel strongly about the issue.

 

[ASD_Geek]

If this doctor was anywhere in the US, by law, you have a right to get a copy of the original file. Also, assuming that this was a medical doctor, (s)he could lose their license for sharing what you said without your express permission. (S)he is breaking rule number one of the Hippocratic Oath, "first, do no harm". Unless of course this was a family therapy deal... Not that I feel strongly about the issue.

Thank you. It was in the States, but unfortunately I don't remember the doctor's name. I've tried looking and looking, but don't recall and it's been a while now.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Experience is the best teacher

Lukas, thank you for your compliment. In the meantime, most of my most meaningful learning, about life, about psychology, about myself, has come from those moments where I am able to actually experience what's going on in the moment, either inside or outside (inside being more important in my opinion).

 

[Kirsty]

Just a thought - it might be easier for people who have counselling to face away from the therapist, like their back to them if they are unable to express their feelings. It would be less 'intimidating' on both parts and words may come out easier with the griever and be less embarrassing for them if they start to cry.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Just a thought - it might be easier for people who have counselling to face away from the therapist, like their back to them if they are unable to express their feelings. It would be less 'intimidating' on both parts and words may come out easier with the griever and be less embarrassing for them if they start to cry.

Isn't that standard practice anyway? Or have I seen too many cartoons of a dude lying on a couch while another dude in a suit scribbles things on a pad...?

 

[Kirsty]

Isn't that standard practice anyway? Or have I seen too many cartoons of a dude lying on a couch while another dude in a suit scribbles things on a pad...?

Is it? I don't know.

 

[Warmheart]

nyu are already doing a super job in that you even ask this here. People on the spectrum are accustomed to folks only ogling what's external, our unusual habits, motions, tendencies. Here, already you are exploring what it is like for people who have sensory issues, social challenges, and are reading how this makes us feel, how it impacts our self-esteem, our daily functioning in society. Thank you for looking deeper.

Good therapist: Works from the inside out, meeting us where we are, addressing how we feel about ourselves, understands about sensory issues, imagines the fallout for being unable to behave in socially expected ways. envisions being stuck in a sick, foggy shutdown and trying to meet his/her needs in that state, and has a sense of the fiery fight-or-flight eruption of a meltdown. Therapists coolness factor is upped if he/she jives with the thrill of the client chatting about a special interest. Sometimes ASD seems all about what we can't do, so it's important to realize it's also about what makes us gifted, and able to contribute in our own way to the greater good.

Bad therapist: Arrives in a surging tsunami of Jovan Musk, flicks on the disco-like, jittering florescent lighting, directs you to sit in the icy butt-grabber leather chair facing the white-out bright window, snaps his/her chewing gum like a bovine on speed, and begins the session under the de-synchronized dueling air-vents. He/she makes the session only about CBT to hammer the client into function more typically, at any cost.

You are a good therapist. Thank you for asking.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Just a thought - it might be easier for people who have counselling to face away from the therapist, like their back to them if they are unable to express their feelings.

Interesting point. This is one way to do therapy and was the typical way for a long time, hence so many cartoons with this in the scene. I heard that Freud used to have his patients face him until one day, a patient who had fallen in love with him, lunged at him. After that, he had his patients face the other way. Don't know if this is actually true, but makes a good story. At any rate, there are theoretical reasons for either method, although the standard these days is face-to-face. I would say, sit however makes you more comfortable, or try different ways until you find one that's just right. If your therapist has a problem with this, ask him/her what HIS/HER problem is.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Thank you for asking.

You are certainly welcome. And thank you so much for your response. I came into the therapy biz late in life, so I am not as influenced by what I learned in school (most of which was pure BS in my book). I've learned how to do therapy by being taught by the people with whom I work. I am currently moving into new office space and your "Bad Therapist" comments are really helpful in figuring out how to "outfit" my office. I think your "Good Therapist" comments are really the only way to do therapy. But, that's just me. Thanks again.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Also, assuming that this was a medical doctor, (s)he could lose their license for sharing what you said without your express permission.

Just to clarify (and maybe as a cautionary tale), because this person was under 18 years of age, the doctor (or whatever) did have the right to share info with the parents. If 18 or older, it is as you say.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I would say he/she did perfect.. yes?

YES!!!

 

[ASD_Geek]

Just to clarify (and maybe as a cautionary tale), because this person was under 18 years of age, the doctor (or whatever) did have the right to share info with the parents. If 18 or older, it is as you say.

Thank you for clarifying this. I appreciate your input. It seemed like a breach of trust at the time because I was under the assumption that our time together was confidential. Looking back, I can understand because I was only 12.

 

[Dan Metevier]

It seemed like a breach of trust at the time because I was under the assumption that our time together was confidential.

Yes, this is a dilemma for most therapists who work with people under 18. Ideally, it should have been explained to you that whatever you say might be (but doesn't have to be) shared with your parents. This puts you both in a tough spot, but it's a "judgement call" as to what the therapist might share. Not an exact science by any means. Sorry it felt bad.

 

[@iam_cloud]

Just to clarify (and maybe as a cautionary tale), because this person was under 18 years of age, the doctor (or whatever) did have the right to share info with the parents. If 18 or older, it is as you say.

Unfortunate, but true. I'm sure this is why so many diagnoses end up having to wait. I know that I stopped trusting my first therapist (and my parents for a while) when I found out that our "confidential" sessions weren't so confidential. Luckily my second therapist was much less willing to share what I'd said without my permission.