The World Is Not What I Expected

[DylanKP]

Hello Denmark. That is, if I'm not mistaken.

Sorry, Indiana.

 

[Mikey]

Nothing worth doing in life is easy. Take what you are good at and make it work for you. Do whatever it takes. Do not waste time or energy trying to learn something you will be mediocre at or hate. Do what you love and do it the best you possibly can. There are ways to make money doing anything. Don't blame the world. Bend the world to your talents by doing what they tell you cannot be done. I know you can.

Thank you, that is very encouraging. I personally believe in it too b/c the world is large enough to have room for a niche that works for us to provide value.

 

[Structrix]

I was a "smart kid", started reading and writing at 3-4. I was top of the class student for 12 years. Musically talented, I learned notation and basic music theory before school. Started writing songs at 8. Got maximum points at admissions to music college. I was one of the best at my course. Until the graduation.

Lately I've started to realize that none of my knowledge, skills or contacts from university matter in real life. You wouldn't believe what different things in life I've been researching.. I guess there are very few things in the world I've not been obsessed about at some point. For a long time I thought I had problems with socializing, so I forced myself to network more, tried working in retail hoping that it would improve my social skills, but nothing ever seems to get better. But now facing the facts (I do have friends, I am able to do small talk when needed), maybe that's not the issue. I've gotten pretty far (in years) in life on my own, so I can't be that awkward socially.

But somehow I have no job. I have no successful career in music. I have no home. I have no close relationships. I can't get a simple retail job because I am just not that kind of person who could smile to strangers all day long and do some mundane tasks at the same time.
All of it just doesn't make sense to me. I wasn't prepared for this kind of life. I wasn't expecting that being the most talented kid in my class is not enough to earn a living as a grown-up. I wasn't expecting that having perfect understanding of music and of my instrument is not enough for being a successful musician.

I have no idea what steps should I take to make use of my skills and knowledge so I could just make a living and have a normal social life and then maybe form some close relationships.


The reason I'm in this aspie forum is because after reading a book about aspie girls, I could relate to it almost 100%. Being an aspie seems to be the only thing that explains my thoughts, feelings and life in general.
And also, I could never speak to anyone in real life about these things. No one I know would understand.


Maybe some of you could relate? Or maybe not.. Anyway, you can just share your thoughts that came up if you read this.

College is looking to me more and more like a rip off. Most majors will find it very difficult to find a job in the real world. They tell you all of this crap about how all their students get jobs (but its bollocks). There are only a handful of majors that really will prepare you for work and the rest of classes they make you take is all fluff.

I feel very gypped after what I spent on my masters and so far no job has panned out and now i have a grand student loan to pay back, wonderful.

College is a scam.

 

[wyverary]

College is looking to me more and more like a rip off. Most majors will find it very difficult to find a job in the real world. They tell you all of this crap about how all their students get jobs (but its bollocks). There are only a handful of majors that really will prepare you for work and the rest of classes they make you take is all fluff.

I feel very gypped after what I spent on my masters and so far no job has panned out and now i have a grand student loan to pay back, wonderful.

College is a scam.

I wholeheartedly agree. "Liberal Arts" education is considered such a necessity, but what's the point? To make a "well-rounded individual"? In my experience, in most cases, most people I encounter, that simply doesn't work. Most students will enjoy and retain the information in the subjects they are interested in, and begrudge and forget all the rest. Unless you are absolutely certain that you want to go into academia, certain majors simply do not leave you qualified for a successful career in the real world, or only serve to put "I have a college degree" on a CV for a job that might or might not pay well, but is likely unrelated to what your specialty was in university.

There are people who pull it off, but for me, I don't think it's worth the risk, which is why I plan on attending a technical college instead.

 

[Cyllya]

I can relate. In my case, I wasn't so talented--more like a Jack of all trades and a master of none. But I was good at school. I got good grades and everything. Even though I never had to study, it still took a lot of effort. After 15 years of misery and $45,000 of student debt, I was crushed to realize I have no education.

Turns out your parents have to educate you. Most kids who succeed in school only do so because their parents have the competence, resources, and motivation to help them succeed. Those parents would be able to educate their kids just as well without school; it would just be less convenient. I was talented enough at certain academic topic to succeed without that, but that didn't carry over into adulthood.

I've been lucky that I eventually found a job that's a good fit for me. It's not really hopes-and-dreams material, and it could stand to pay more, but my peculiar skill set is a recognized asset, I get along with my co-workers, and it's reasonably enjoyable in the short term. Unfortunately I have no tips for helping anyone get a job with those qualities

 

[Randomperson]

I may be, in my humble opinion, the greatest under achiever to ever live. If you can find a way for me to market this, I will very likely procrastinate and fail to act upon it even if you tell me how.

 

[Spinning Compass]

The world is not what I expected either and I am nearly 60 years old! Instead, it has been vastly different, some good, some bad. The best one can do is try to enjoy the ride the best they can.

I am going to suggest to our new interim pastor at the Unitarian Church if he can't preach a sermon about what do you do when you give your heart and soul to something and fall flat on your face. What do you do when you are totally passionate about something, it's what you love most in life, what you feel you were born to do, you feel most alive when you are doing it--and yet, it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I've never once heard anyone talk about things like this. Follow your bliss, follow your dream--yes, but what if you cannot. And most people in this world will never get any chance at even coming close to that. Many struggle with the necessities of life. The idea of following your bliss, doing what fulfills you, those can only be achieved by a privileged few.

Sometimes I believe that we have created a culture of impossibly high expectations and then we beat ourselves and others up when we can't achieve them. Everybody must reach lofty heights or life isn't worth living. And failure is seen as a character deficiency. The truth of the matter is often times it is plain dumb luck that makes the difference between one person achieving their dreams and another who doesn't. And sometimes a person can fail because society has set him or her to fail. It still matters very much what skin color you have and what gender you are.

 

[Randomperson]

I believe the only person who was ever satisfied to find the world as they expect it, had spectacularly low expectations of the world, or just expected it to be a sh*tty awful place.

 

[Chisleu]

I completely agree with you Randomperson, expect the worst and hope for something a little bit better.

As for the ridiculousness of secondary education: I dropped out of college because I got a job as a collections agent specifically for student loans and became scared sh**less about funding a degree that I had no guarantee of benefiting from. College has become another corporate entity fighting for enrollment numbers so they can get more government backing (in the US anyway, I don't know how institutions in other countries work). The only secondary education classes that seem to have any value at all are vocational ones, but then you're lucky to still have that occupation in demand by the time you complete your schooling and it's still not regarded as highly as a college degree....

Then my husband has been suffering from depression all his life not being able to accept that what you know isn't good enough to keep a job, it's who you know and who likes you that keeps your job reliable and it's just not fair. He's been the best damn mechanic in the last 10 places he's worked for, would always get problems that had been sitting in the shop for months out the door in days, but because he didn't like to kiss up to management they never felt inclined to give him pay that he could make a living on. My head always hurts when I think about the lack of logic in it all.

 

[Randomperson]

I completely agree with you Randomperson, expect the worst and hope for something a little bit better.

As for the ridiculousness of secondary education: I dropped out of college because I got a job as a collections agent specifically for student loans and became scared sh**less about funding a degree that I had no guarantee of benefiting from. College has become another corporate entity fighting for enrollment numbers so they can get more government backing (in the US anyway, I don't know how institutions in other countries work). The only secondary education classes that seem to have any value at all are vocational ones, but then you're lucky to still have that occupation in demand by the time you complete your schooling and it's still not regarded as highly as a college degree....

Then my husband has been suffering from depression all his life not being able to accept that what you know isn't good enough to keep a job, it's who you know and who likes you that keeps your job reliable and it's just not fair. He's been the best damn mechanic in the last 10 places he's worked for, would always get problems that had been sitting in the shop for months out the door in days, but because he didn't like to kiss up to management they never felt inclined to give him pay that he could make a living on. My head always hurts when I think about the lack of logic in it all.

Agreed, but there are 3 things that will always sell, sex religion and politics, you just have to be willing to peddle them. As for your hubby, has he considered working for himself? He sounds like a great mechanic, so as long as he does not mind keeping his reputation as such good and charges the same or a little less then the dishonest places he worked for that valued ass kissery more then honest work then he would likely make better money then he would kissing ass at one of those places for it. An honest and reliable mechanic always has a waiting list of customers, he just needs a space to work out of and the basic tools of the trade.

As far as depression goes, has he considered medication for it?

 

[Vanilla]

I've also run in to the same problem as OP in my life. I believed that it was enough to be good, get good grades, and receive recognition for your years of hard work.

There seems to be another element that we have all overlooked, and it's taken me years to not only understand it, but to attempt to live by it. The more I learn about it, the more I realise that this is the most important life lesson you could ever learn. Not because it's easier to get what you need in life, but because it becomes more and more crucial as you get older. The less support you have from others, the worse the position you find yourself in. While there are of course those lucky individuals who have loved ones caring for them, the ones who don't have as much support will probably agree with me here.

This scene from "The Hunger Games" was the best way I could think to answer this dilemma. The mentor "Hammish" explains that the key to survival, is to ensure that people "like you". This means appealing to their better nature, which involves a fair bit of work.

 

[Chisleu]

Yes, we moved to Louisiana so he could get the support of family to get his business off the ground, but we didn't get as much support as we were led to believe and he still doesn't have his business license yet and is working out of his brother's workshop in his backyard in this god awful heat that's now taking a toll on his physical health. He gets heart palpitations that have been keeping him from working as much as he needs to support the whole family (thankfully the work is there he just can't turn it out fast enough at the moment), and because he doesn't have a business license we don't have any income to report on paper to get state assistance at the moment (we both refuse to go into the unemployment program because we can't really handle what the whole process requires given our inability to weather the general public for extended periods of time). So I've been putting in applications so we can have some kind of income on paper, then we can finally apply for medical assistance so he can get his heart fixed, and then we can both get diagnosed with autism as well as get all our other mental issues addressed, then hopefully get some disability or what not to get back on our feet. He knows all his depression is situational so we try to encourage each other until the ball can get rolling on our plans.

We've only just realized we're Aspies in the last 6 months right after moving here when we watched a program that featured John Robison and Nick (my husband) thought "Holy crap, he sounds a lot like me!" So all this is a new discovery that we've now adjusted our direction in life having a better understanding of ourselves. Hopefully in the next few months things will start looking up, but it's all a waiting game at the moment. It's really encouraging and refreshing to have someone care enough to give recommendations though, so thank you very much, I really appreciate it Randomperson.

 

[Mephisto]

College is looking to me more and more like a rip off. Most majors will find it very difficult to find a job in the real world. They tell you all of this crap about how all their students get jobs (but its bollocks). There are only a handful of majors that really will prepare you for work and the rest of classes they make you take is all fluff.

I feel very gypped after what I spent on my masters and so far no job has panned out and now i have a grand student loan to pay back, wonderful.

College is a scam.

College became a rip off thx to people like goldman sach's and the 2008 stock market crash and again of course the "majors" as well. I went to two universities first one was Northern Illinoios University i know state school what do you expect. I went there for five years would of been three but i listened to my dad and stayed for two more til i had had enough. I went to a community college next Moraine Valley. Then i went and FINALLY graduated Devry University with a bachelors of Game and Simulation Programming.

Sadly in the end there was no work for those in computer programming or IT. SO i have a close to 100,000 student loan. I have to work for my father to make loan payments. I won't be able to pay it off, and my credit score will be in the hole but i do what i can. It's not my fault lenders still charge the prices they do even though we are STILL IN A RECESSION no all they care about is money.

Sorry to rant but OP you are in good company. That easily speaks for me and it seems for the rest of the aspie community.

 

[Meistersinger]

College became a rip off thx to people like goldman sach's and the 2008 stock market crash and again of course the "majors" as well. I went to two universities first one was Northern Illinoios University i know state school what do you expect. I went there for five years would of been three but i listened to my dad and stayed for two more til i had had enough. I went to a community college next Moraine Valley. Then i went and FINALLY graduated Devry University with a bachelors of Game and Simulation Programming.

Sadly in the end there was no work for those in computer programming or IT. SO i have a close to 100,000 student loan. I have to work for my father to make loan payments. I won't be able to pay it off, and my credit score will be in the hole but i do what i can. It's not my fault lenders still charge the prices they do even though we are STILL IN A RECESSION no all they care about is money.

Sorry to rant but OP you are in good company. That easily speaks for me and it seems for the rest of the aspie community.

Hence my cynical quote, "Money Talks and bulls*** walks."

Mephisto, I know all two well what you are talking about. I have 2 worthless degrees: A Bachelor's in Music History, and a master's in Library Science. The MLS might have been useful, had I gone to an institution accredited by The American Library Association. Even with a Master's blessed by the ALA, I still have my doubts about finding work, as I refuse to play political games. It no longer matters, since I went bipolar, along with anxiety disorder and ASD, and am now on SSDI. Fortunately, the Feds paid off the student loans after I was diagnosed. The only time my master's was worth anything was while I worked for a major library automation vendor doing front line support initially, then doing data analysis.

 

[icesyckel]

It never is.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hence my cynical quote, "Money Talks and bulls*** walks."

...I have 2 worthless degrees: A Bachelor's in Music History, and a master's in Library Science. The MLS might have been useful, had I gone to an institution accredited by The American Library Association. Even with a Master's blessed by the ALA, I still have my doubts about finding work, as I refuse to play political games. It no longer matters, since I went bipolar, along with anxiety disorder and ASD, and am now on SSDI. Fortunately, the Feds paid off the student loans after I was diagnosed. The only time my master's was worth anything was while I worked for a major library automation vendor doing front line support initially, then doing data analysis.

An MLS degree is prized in the IT world, where there are also a lot of aspies and musicians. Your education makes you a good fit for back-end web design, where the ability to create meaningful taxonomies and categories from user input depends upon what librarians "take for granted." You probably know that already, and there are no guarantees for jobs in life, but you've learned how to think in terms that data designers need to know.

I can't address the music connection, but in general, there is quite a bit published on the value of the liberal arts in teaching creative and critical thinking as a pair. Even Forbes broke down and published something on it. The chief difficulty is that when you think like a senior person, but don't yet have the work history, you're stuck with people who don't have a lot in common with you unless they're direct competitors. But even then, it's possible to make friendly connections, at least I've found it so.

 

[AprilR]

I relate to you as well. I used to think like world was full of endless possibilities, and i was a talented person who will be able to do whatever i want. I am also musically talented, i took art classes but since i always struggled with drawing from imagination i quit. I am very good at math and languages as well. And somehow none of any of these matter in the real world. The world i imagined and expected was not real.