The Small Talk Hangover - a better way to understand downtime

[Fridgemagnetman]

• Thought this was a different way of presenting the need for downtime to people.
• Without mentioning autism and adding that problem .of it not being understood.
• I'm calling it the : Small Talk Hangover.
• Click to the link for the author and the in depth article.

What everyone gets wrong about introverts — including why they are not antisocial or lazy

• Some people think introverts avoid social situations.
• This isn't actually true; they just need more time to recharge after a lot of social stimulation.
• It's because they have a low threshold for dopamine, so they are easily overwhelmed.
• In contrast, extroverts have a very high threshold so can keep going for longer.
• Introverts can learn to use their differences as a skill, rather than a hindrance.

The main article here :
http://www.businessinsider.com/what-its-like-to-be-an-introvert-and-what-everyone-gets-wrong-2018-5 small talk hangover

Introverts hate small talk
Introverts thrive on social interaction, just as many people do. They just do it in a different way to people who are more extroverted. For instance, a "social butterfly" extrovert may like to meet 50 people at an event, and get a buzz from talking to as many people as possible. Meanwhile, an introvert probably aims to get to know just two new people, but they will hope to foster the beginnings of a deep relationship.

This is one reason introverts often hate small talk, which Neo calls "small-talk disorder." It also means they will consistently be overwhelmed and need to rest afterward, sometimes sleeping for up to 18 hours at a time.

Introversion is not an insult; it's just a different way of living to other people. And wherever you are on the introversion-extroversion spectrum, the most important thing is learning how to use your differences to your advantage.

"When you spend time having fun or resting in your introvert hangovers, you can accelerate your professional and personal growth," Neo said. "The more comfortable you are with telling people: 'I have an introvert hangover; this is the time for myself. I'm blocking these chunks of time dedicated to me,' the more you are able to own yourself as an introvert — rather than thinking there's something wrong with you."

 

[Mia]

Just recovering from my 'introvert hangover' weekend. Give me a few days.

 

[Gracey]

That would make sense

Sun is out and so are people.
Chatty, well meaning, happy, sociable people that like to chitty-chat whilst queuing, shopping, walking the dog.

Neighbours are out in the gardens and would like me to assist with various bits and pieces in order to tidy up ready for the onslaught of BBQs and parties.
(-because I’m quiet and getting the job done, they feel the need to stand and chat to me? ... what’s that all that about?)

I am all ‘chatted-out’
My brain aches, my voice feels rough and over used, I’m weary and would like to hear nothing but silence.

I guess these are the times I’d benefit from some R & R,
No can do,
I have two more days work (gardening) for people up and down the street and if I’m committed, I won’t let people down. (Pocket money comes in handy too)

 

[Thinx]

Hell yes I m an Introvert!

 

[kay]

I refuse to be labeled an introvert, just too trendy. (I quit wearing paisley in high-school for a year until it was no longer trendy. I have to have some standards.)

What I have learned is, when there is too much noise, people talking and milling around, ect.. for me to function well, that all I have to say is, "my brain just goes to mush when there is too much going on around me". People will generally be happy to be patient and helpful if I share that info casually, as though it's so common place and as though they are the weird one for not having mush brain. Not that I hide my diagnosis, I will use autism as the reason if need be. Mush brain just seems to be a more familiar term.

Social hangover is what I call it after being around a group because I don't have to engage in the slightest exchange of words to develop one."Small talk hangover " Listening is plenty. Mall Hangover, that's another hangover, nothing worse. Sounds like the potential for a really bad holiday movie.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Mall Hangover, that's another hangover, nothing worse. Sounds like the potential for a really bad holiday movie.

It's already a franchise. They're making Mall Hangover 4 Zombie edition as we speak.
All done within 3 minutes of you posting the idea.
AI generated film randomizer .

I'll probably watch it tonight on Netflix.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Yup, hate malls, won't go, hate small talk, don't do it but I do kind of get a mild social hangover if I can't avoid a social event. Mostly I just like to hang with one person, two at most. But I am exhausted also if I've had a social day and just want to go to sleep early.

 

[Judge]

Yup, hate malls, won't go, hate small talk, don't do it but I do kind of get a mild social hangover if I can't avoid a social event. Mostly I just like to hang with one person, two at most. But I am exhausted also if I've had a social day and just want to go to sleep early.

Malls are bad juju for me. Too many people combined with sensory concerns. Haven't been to one since my last shutdown some years ago. Exhausting even if I get through without a shutdown.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Malls are bad juju for me. Too many people combined with sensory concerns. Haven't been to one since my last shutdown some years ago. Exhausting even if I get through without a shutdown.

I don't have sensory issues but hate crowds and noise. I grew up in a very quiet house and can't even comfortably tolerate the TV on unless I'm actually watching it. Hate having radios on, even music unless listening is my activity. But if it's background noise NONONONO!

 

[Thinx]

I m interested to hear that introverts sometimes sleep for 18 hours at a time. This appears to correlate with the sleep requirements of cats. Could it be that way way back in the DNA introversion has a cat ancestry? Is this something Simon Baron Cohen and other autism researchers need to consider? Extreme Cat Brain. Do you find yourself looking disinterestedly at others then walking away slowly? Perhaps you sometimes feel more interested in a mark or speck on the floor than in other people? What if you'd rather roll on your back and stare? Some may mistake this for arrogance, but more likely you have Extreme Cat Brain...

 

[OlLiE]

i hate anywhere crowded and disorganised

malls would be doable if people consistently walked in a single direction on the left and right sides of the space,

and, one of the first thing a child (used to) learns the it is learning to speak is how to control the volume of their voice, if people could learn to speak in a more civilised way, crowded areas would be more accessible

so basically i get a hangover from crowded noisy spaces
solution, i wear headphones everywhere and go shopping outside of the busiest hours

 

[Progster]

Yes, I agree, I find small talk extremely tedious and conversation very tiring. I'm not a very talkative person and find it hard work. I don't like talking for the sake of talking, I would rather just talk when I have something to say and not be forced into it, so I often avoid people I know at the supermarket or out in the street, because they will want to talk to me and chat, and I don't want that. I prefer to be alone. I don't feel the need to talk to them, I don't see the need to pursue superficial relationships or engage in superficial chit chat, and if I do so it is not because I want to, but because the situation is forced on me. Forced social interaction, for the sake of politeness. I would never sleep for as long as 18 hours, but would withdraw for that length of time to be on my own.

I don't have sensory issues but hate crowds and noise. I grew up in a very quiet house and can't even comfortably tolerate the TV on unless I'm actually watching it. Hate having radios on, even music unless listening is my activity. But if it's background noise NONONONO!

I agree. Some people have the radio or TV on all the time as background noise, and it drives me crazy. I like to listen to music, but it needs to be my music, of my choice, not some crappy commercial radio station.

 

[ECM2018]

I think I've developed a tolerance for small talk because it has always been a necessary requirement for being around people, but definitely don't like it and get incredibly bored. The worst is going to a noisy restaurant with a bunch of people. I can't believe they can have a conversation with people across the table with the people everywhere talking and music blaring and people walking around..UGH nightmare.

I posted in another post about wanting to be around people and looking forward to a good conversation but then always being disappointed that it never happens lol. I'm certainly an introvert but I also like hanging out with friends. But if we host a bonfire at the house or something with lots of people, I definitely need several days to recover and actually have a sick gut feeling that almost feels like I no longer like my friends, like they've done something to hurt me, which I know is absurd!

At this point, its almost like I play a competitive game with myself when I'm with friends and small talk is a skill. It's like an endurance challenge, and I like challenging my anxiety because it makes me feel like I have more control and capability than I thought. Like going to crowded festivals alone. Although I went Electric Daisy Carnival in Vegas alone a couple of years ago and that was a bit much! I got nauseated from all the stimulus and anxiety of being alone in a crowd of thousands of people. I took the first shuttle back the hotel and sold my ticket the next day and went to see Cirque du Soleil instead lol.

I was disappointed because I watched a documentary about the EDC and thought, hey those are my people. I might just fall in naturally and make a bunch of friends instantly and never be alone again....I can be very naive.

 

[Smiley]

I guess I'm antisocial, not just introverted. I'm nice but not at all friendly.

 

[Gracey]

... It's like an endurance challenge, and I like challenging my anxiety because it makes me feel like I have more control and capability than I thought...

I think this is where I’m at too.

I know I can feel stressed but do it anyway.
Not through ignorance but for the challenge.

Sometimes I push myself too far and have to accept the consequences.
Other times I surprise myself and learn more about my tolerance or boundaries.