The internal narrative.

[stringer]

This is a very interesting point to me. I talk to myself all the time, I mean I have dialogues, I make questions and I answer them at the same time, sometimes I just talk as if there was someone there listening. Of course this is all internally and I know it is only me...

I am just like that. In my case I have no mental imagery (I have aphantasia), and so all my thought processes involve an internal dialogue with myself.

 

[Major Tom]

I finally thought of a better way to describe my internal narrative. Its like being at a party with about 30 people chattering and constant ear-wormy songs playing, plus flashes of video clips from the past, only the images only are playing in my head and not everyone can see them. It's super distracting and exhausting usually. The only reprieve I get from it is sleep. I wonder if this is a general human thing, if I'm going nuts, or if neural typical people experience similar things, or if its something to do with ADD and being on the spectrum? So many questions, and thanks to all who replied. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to you all, I have a hard time focusing enough to make anything coherent come out lately.

 

[Fino]

I finally thought of a better way to describe my internal narrative. Its like being at a party with about 30 people chattering and constant ear-wormy songs playing, plus flashes of video clips from the past, only the images only are playing in my head and not everyone can see them. It's super distracting and exhausting usually. The only reprieve I get from it is sleep. I wonder if this is a general human thing, if I'm going nuts, or if neural typical people experience similar things, or if its something to do with ADD and being on the spectrum? So many questions, and thanks to all who replied. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to you all, I have a hard time focusing enough to make anything coherent come out lately.

Sounds like the racing thoughts described in things like ADD/ADHD, generalized anxiety, the manic or hypomania of Bipolar, the excited ends of personality and other mood disorders... it's part of a lot of things!

Are you saying you have ADD and you suspect it's caused by that, or are you saying you suspect you have ADD?

You said you wonder if you're going nuts, but you also said it's been this way as long as you can remember. Very very slowly going nuts, maybe?

I've only experienced what you describe during particular episodes of BPD and while on drugs. Otherwise, I have very often had very fast thoughts, like my brain is in overdrive, but to the point of something like "30 people chattering" and songs and videos and all that, not so often. That's more of a level of maddening, to me.

 

[Gracey]

...But mainly its going over random things from the past in loops.

Is the environment you’re in (work) triggering some sort of memories from your past?

Have you noticed if you’re more aware of the random loops after a certain smell, sight, sound, feel, taste?

 

[Gracey]

I finally thought of a better way to describe my internal narrative. Its like being at a party with about 30 people chattering and constant ear-wormy songs playing, plus flashes of video clips from the past, only the images only are playing in my head and not everyone can see them...

That’s some next level narrative

What have you tried so far to narrow your focus and choose what you’re prepared to listen to?

 

[Dias]

I know what I will say seems difficult to do, but you can try to see if it helps you: we can not stop the mind right? But we can choose what to feed it with. Oriental filosophies say that we have a monkey mind, it does not stop and trying to control it is very difficult so we can give it a toy to play with: they call it a mantra. So you can choose a mantra you feel connected to ( or a personal prayer) and you chant it continuously. If you can, if you are alone do it loud, I mean say it verbally, or you can whisper or you can do it only internally. But in the beginning it is easier if you say it aloud. This is a tool everyone can use to control the thoughts. And it can be done all day and everywhere. Basically you substitute one or several thoughts for one which is energetically positive. Christianity also uses the same tool with the rosary they just don't call it mantra.
I am not saying it is easy and it does not substitute a doctor advise or medication, but I try to do it myself and it helps, but of course I have to want to do the effort.

 

[Major Tom]

I do have ADD and anxiety, and wondering if that's part of the reason. I've always had the narrative, but it seems like as I age the narrative gets more and more disjointed and meaningless. I haven't touched any drugs other than OTC or prescription drugs in about 5 years, so doubtfully that's the cause.

Sounds like the racing thoughts described in things like ADD/ADHD, generalized anxiety, the manic or hypomania of Bipolar, the excited ends of personality and other mood disorders... it's part of a lot of things!

Are you saying you have ADD and you suspect it's caused by that, or are you saying you suspect you have ADD?

You said you wonder if you're going nuts, but you also said it's been this way as long as you can remember. Very very slowly going nuts, maybe?

I've only experienced what you describe during particular episodes of BPD and while on drugs. Otherwise, I have very often had very fast thoughts, like my brain is in overdrive, but to the point of something like "30 people chattering" and songs and videos and all that, not so often. That's more of a level of maddening, to me.

 

[Fino]

Are you currently taking any prescription or OTC drugs?

 

[Ylva]

Yeah, I keep trying to get rid of mine, because it just describes my thoughts like a mental version of those people who aren't echolalic, but repeat what you as you say it anyway.

 

[Major Tom]

Yep, a few at the moment, prescription drugs. One for ADD, one for depression/anxiety, and one for sleep occasionally.

Are you currently taking any prescription or OTC drugs?

 

[Major Tom]

Is the environment you’re in (work) triggering some sort of memories from your past?

Have you noticed if you’re more aware of the random loops after a certain smell, sight, sound, feel, taste?

Pretty much there's always something from the past rattling around in there, plus all the other things I described. I haven't noticed any particular triggers, other than perhaps really crowded/noisy places.

 

[Fino]

Have you ever discussed this specific issue with your doctor?

 

[Major Tom]

Have you ever discussed this specific issue with your doctor?

I would , but my language skill here is not good enough to describe what's going on.(I live in a foreign country). Also, it seems like the solution almost always is to prescribe more/new meds, and I just don't really want that. Another thing is, if I would describe what's going on in my brain, docs automatically assume schizophrenia, and I really don't think I am schizophrenic. Or I really hope not. As a child the docs were teetering between schizophrenia and autism, but I think that was primarily because of how I described what was going on in my head. At the time I couldn't think of any other way to describe what was happening other than "voices", but that's not really it. The words and such that I hear are almost always my voice, or someone else's voice, and usually its repeating what was said at a some point in time.

 

[The Ponderer]

For me it's more constantly finding solutions to things, over analysing what people say and then I think about how no matter what I find solutions to people do not understand my way of thinking so they get confused about what I am saying so there is no point in talking to people they won't understand anyway

 

[Monachopia]

I think I know what you mean... sometimes my brain gets stuck in a loop of past memories or a current state of mind... lately for me it's drawing and metal songs from 90's and 2000's and the feelings they bring. It's almost like a trance.

It's as if there's a permanent screen in front of my eyes. I can still see and hear the world playing out, but I can only perceive about 50% of it. The other 50% is watching a different movie, listening to a different soundtrack. My mind is stuck somewhere else, everything feels like a dream. It takes longer to respond to conversation or things happening around me because every time I have to pull myself away from the 'mind movie'. I have to force focus on something else almost against my will. It takes so much concentration to put myself back in the real world, to put context to what is asked. Half of me is invested in something else so I can't give full answers, just stutter out words in response that somewhat resemble the answer they're looking for.

I'm not entirely sure how to pull myself out at times. Sometimes I have to let it all play out and completely immerse myself in that other movie and let it finish. Sometimes I have to put more effort in what is actually happening in the real world so I actually start seeing it properly again and over time it becomes the focus..

 

[the_tortoise]

I always thought of "internal narrative" as literally a voice in your head (in your "mind's ear") that describes and talks about whatever you are doing or experiencing....I don't really have that.

My mind does sometimes get stuck in repeating flashbacks, though.

And when I'm not overwhelmed and shut down my thoughts can be like a crazy pinball machine when you get the 10 balls at once, tons of things bouncing around and branching into tangents -- everything makes sense, all the associative links, but it's not tidy.

 

[Fino]

I would , but my language skill here is not good enough to describe what's going on.(I live in a foreign country). Also, it seems like the solution almost always is to prescribe more/new meds, and I just don't really want that. Another thing is, if I would describe what's going on in my brain, docs automatically assume schizophrenia, and I really don't think I am schizophrenic. Or I really hope not. As a child the docs were teetering between schizophrenia and autism, but I think that was primarily because of how I described what was going on in my head. At the time I couldn't think of any other way to describe what was happening other than "voices", but that's not really it. The words and such that I hear are almost always my voice, or someone else's voice, and usually its repeating what was said at a some point in time.

That's true about psychiatrists. How about with a therapist? Which I guess would be hard with the language barrier.. Maybe there's one that speaks English?

 

[Gracey]

Try a thought or question to anchor or ground yourself in the present.

To narrow focus and attention and turn the volume down on all other heady chatter I might ask myself “where am I?” and “what am I doing?”

Obviously I know where I am and what I’m supposed to be doing but I have to answer.
(Those are the rules)

By purposely answering myself - aloud or in thought, my focus is on my answer.

I have to listen to me describe where I am and what I’m working on,

not 30 others chattering away, background radio and ringing phones, photocopiers, outside traffic, doors opening and closing, heavy footfalls on wooden floors, buzzing strip lights, sighing, coughing, sniffing, eating ...


For me, it puts me back on this planet in the present moment thus interrupting the chaos gaining momentum in my mind.

Out of my head and back in the room.

 

[Pats]

I finally thought of a better way to describe my internal narrative. Its like being at a party with about 30 people chattering and constant ear-wormy songs playing, plus flashes of video clips from the past, only the images only are playing in my head and not everyone can see them. It's super distracting and exhausting usually. The only reprieve I get from it is sleep. I wonder if this is a general human thing, if I'm going nuts, or if neural typical people experience similar things, or if its something to do with ADD and being on the spectrum? So many questions, and thanks to all who replied. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to you all, I have a hard time focusing enough to make anything coherent come out lately.

I'd love to be able to control or slow the chattering down. I wonder if that's why I dream all night long - my brain will not turn off even when I go to sleep.
I think of the illustration of the aspie mind with neurons firing all over the place, which kind of explains it for me.