The benefits of finding out later in life that you are an aspie

[Julia 27]

I think the biggest benefit of diagnosis is self-awareness. I can relate to the feelings of shame that you talk about. Like you, I am able to better understand why I behave in certain ways and feel less ashamed of doing what I need to do to look after myself - like making sure I take enough time out on my own when I need to.

I also am gradually freeing myself from the need to be 'normal'. I always thought if I could put on a convincing act of normality, I would eventually become socially accepted. All that happened was that I ended up beating myself up for failure and getting depressed. Now I have realised I can't measure myself by society's yardstick of how a middle aged woman should be and am starting to accept myself as I am - even starting to like myself.

My oldest NT friend says I need to get advice on strategies to deal with the extreme discomfort I feel in larger social situations
ie more than 4 people If I have to attend a party that I cannot get out eg my partner's son's engagement party I need strategies to make it ok for myself
Well does anyone out there have any strategies for such a social event other than saying I am not going
I actually get brain freeze in large groups and my head is empty of anything to say unless I am one on one with someone
Does anyone else feel like this

 

[Structrix]

Just that feeling of relief that you knew something was not right and the diagnosis just fits is very comforting in a way.

 

[kyliewyote]

hi....been busy for a bit, but back doing a little reading since this string's link turned up in my in-box.
I'm an NT with an aspie interest, in the slow-but-nicely-progressing-(darnit)-long-distance-first-steps-of-a-relationship.

Baz wrote: I don't necessarily like who I am I do at least accept who I am.

Question of interest for me.....how do aspies interact with aspies? is it easier? Do you think there would be the communication and relation issues if the world were all aspie? or is there a similar interaction strife in parallel or different ways?

I'm happy with my slow progression with a truly amazing person. Not many people "get him", and often in a negative, or at least not-so-positive way. I will also never truly get him, since he is always different in so many ways, but I think I understand him (if the difference makes sense). And THANK GOODNESS, because I appreciate it in a positive way......there will always be something different, unique, intriguing with him....

 

[Suzanne]

get brain freeze in large groups and my head is empty of anything to say unless I am one on one with someone

YES! I am terrible and also get body freeze ie cannot move out of my seat. My husband, in the end, usually gets some food for me, but inside, I am dying of shame!

I take it also, that your family do not accept you have aspergers? Because surely they would go out of their way, to place you with someone you feel comfortable with?

 

[TSS]

This has been such a positive and refreshing thread to read...the battle of the yardsticks to measure myself and deal with how others measure me, the up and down and seemingly inevitable deathcake, the Catch-22 of understanding life backwards and still having to live it forwards. And especially the profound shock of giving up routines that somehow became a part of me from habit, and which are now entangled in my identity.

My choice of masks--I would not have developed them had I been diagnosed earlier, and in some ways I'm less comfortable when I slip into costume knowing that I'm doing that. But it helps to know when the inner self just says No, I won't go, it's not because I'm being willful, because there have been times when it's definitely not helped me in life. I'm a bit jittery in job & social situations, now, because the "reflex" is breaking up a little.



This. Loved this. I'll be trying to hold it close, tomorrow.

 

[TSS]

I was diagnosed at 45. It explain a lot. One of my siblings, the only one that knows, when I told him he said him and his wife expected this already. I have not told anyone else, because I don't think they would understand. Most people don't know a lot about Aspergers they have heard of autisum, but they don't seem to understand that either. In away I wished I got the help I needed as a kid, it would have helped and might have kept me from so many hospital stays and misdiagnoses.

 

[Julia 27]

YES! I am terrible and also get body freeze ie cannot move out of my seat. My husband, in the end, usually gets some food for me, but inside, I am dying of shame!

I take it also, that your family do not accept you have aspergers? Because surely they would go out of their way, to place you with someone you feel comfortable with?

I haven't actually told my family - their only people I have told are my partner, my ex , my 2 adult children and my two closest friends. I am sort of telling on an needs to know basis. I really do not want to use it as an excuse for not attending group gatherings and am really trying to work on stopping the negative self talk that we Aspies are prone to and trying to be perfect ie all the mind stuff to cope better. the thing is I just do not enjoy groups of more than 3 or 4 people. Maybe I will just accept that but I am courageous ( a Aspie quality) and want to try and be better. Sorry I am starting to ramble on now

 

[HiImBob]

The frustrating part for me is when I make a witty comment ( that I have been told), the reaction is, well: wow that is two witty comments in a short period of time! It does give me a warm feeling to be complimented, but at the same time, gets me thinking; oh why can't I do it all the time?

Don't worry about thinking you have to be witty all the time. Quality should take precedence over quantity anyway; people will appreciate a few gems more that a bunch of rhinestones.

I first heard of Asperger's and it's major symptoms in my mid-40s (my reaction, "OMG, that explains me!"), got diagnosed in my late-50s (by a LISW, so I don't know if it's "official" nor do I really care), and finally started looking into it and exploring the community in my early 60s.

It's been a blessing and a curse. Having a label, knowing what the heck is up with me, knowing that there are others like me, that kind of stuff is a comfort. Finding out that there are no therapies, no medications to alleviate that which I experience for which there are no words to even begin to describe to a doctor, discovering that there are apparently NO resources for adults, realizing that had Asperger's been known back in the 1950's that maybe my parents wouldn't have raised me in precisely the wrong way to treat an Aspie kid.... that kind of stuff hurts.