The Autistic parents are awesome thread

[Full Steam]

I know it's hard, especially if you have autistic kids as well, but I want you to know you are doing an awesome job.

If you're like me you're really hard on yourself, and it's so easy to set yourself a standard that Zeus himself could not attain.

But just for now, just while you read this thread, drop all the BS, sit back and think about how awesome you really are, and how other mortals would have crumbled at the trials you've had to face.

I can't imagine better parents than autistic people.


Reasons I think we are awesome;

• We can often understand kids really well - maybe because we never grew up, and why should we?
• We think outside the box and make games others wouldn't.
• If we have spectrum kids we can teach them how to live in a world not made for them.
• We might have shutdowns and meltdowns, but once they are over we can be even-handed and fair, and kids need to feel their parents are just.
• Just because we are.
• We are not jealous of our kids, and we don't play mind games with them.

So please feel free to shout up about all the awesome you do in your parenting life.

 

[Gracey]

I’ve never doubted myself in this respect for a second.

Looking back, I’m still happy with what I’ve put in.

A problem solving Aspie will always find solutions and use them or offer them.

Bored children? - engage their brain in something.
Create an environment to stimulate curiosity and watch them ‘fly’
Because they will.

I sometimes feel fortunate that we couldn’t afford lap tops and tablets and x boxes.
My own would go in search of those dopamine hits using imagination, curiosity, physical activity outside with a neighbour’s children.

Little was off limits. (At that time I couldn’t give a rats ass what my home looked like)
I only asked that they respected it was a home.
No sketching, drawing, painting on the walls, many other alternatives were available at all times - blackboard paint on timber, masses of paper, pavement chalks, help me paint the garden fence and so on.

Whatever they were in the mood to do - find an outlet. Create the environment to do it.

I did find the neighbourhood children would hang around in the school holidays hoping to get an invite to the museum, the beach, rock climbing, camping or included in the games at the front of the house.
Badminton, ‘kerby’ Hopscotch, Mr Wolf, red rover, hide and seek, competitive, made up racing games.

I could go on and on and on.

I felt that raising three was never about me and what I was afraid of.
It was always about them and what we could do together or my supervising their learning for themselves.

If I craved quiet or soothing, we all read a book, comic, newspaper or listened to some classical music or other.

I knew I’d get silence when they’d all gone to bed. Push it out til then.

Whatever may have been lacking on my part in an area of child rearing was identified, researched, learned and practised.

Just like an Aspie would apply themselves to any other ‘problem’

Same process, different components.

 

[Sabrina]

@Full Steam it was great to wake up and read your post.
I really love being a parent. It’s nice to remember, though, that it’s not an easy feat, and that we should be very proud of ourselves.

 

[Full Steam]

@Full Steam it was great to wake up and read your post.
I really love being a parent. It’s nice to remember, though, that it’s not an easy feat, and that we should be very proud of ourselves.

Me too. I could easily have missed out if things had taken a different turn.

Sometimes the world pivots on the smallest things.

 

[tlc]

My daughter, I always told her the way it was from the beginning. My opinion on this as many others don't agree, but I think the so called terrible 2s are from spoiling the kid and letting them get away with everything because it's cute, then after a couple years some ground rules need to be laid and the kid gets confused. I didn't do that, and she didn't have that problem. All along, I've told her the way things are. I don't believe in saying "because I said so", to me that's a cheap copout. I feel she deserves a legit answer to everything, maybe not as detailed for some graphic things, but still relevant. I don't like noise, and neither does she. One thing I can't stand when I go to nearly everyone else's house with kids, is they holler across the house for their kids to come, like you'd call a dog. No. If I've got something to say to her, I get my butt up and go talk to her on her level. And she does the same for me. I don't expect anything from her that I wouldn't do myself. I don't say a lot in person, but what I say I do mean, and she listens. To back up a car, others would just let her go till she went off course and freak out, and then she would be scared and give up. I described how to check and correct where you're going every inch of the way, and it worked much better for her. I would help her with math, in ways she could visualize it better. Like negative numbers are a hole in the ground. She may be AS too, she is very quiet and can't stand noise, and has a very hard time socially, and has tics and things. But has always been great in school. Very empathetic with animals. When ordering fast food, I've taught her to do what I do. Put your phone away. Order one step at a time, be observant, and make sure they got it entered before you say the next part. I don't feel the empathy but I can apply the process to myself so I know that's how I'd rather have it done. Then say thank you. She's turned out to be a very respectful kid, and I'd like to think I've got something to do with it.

 

[Full Steam]

@tlc I agree, but for me, things changed when we had number 2, and when number 3 came along we are more like riding a wave of chaos than proactively parenting at times.

Number 1 came along. We thought, "wow this parenting thing is MUCh easier than we thought, we rock and can easily cope with two."

Number 2 came along. We thought, "our lives are now a living embodiment of utter chaos. All I do is tell kids off and all they do is ignore me. I could be replaced by a robot butler that repeated the same 10 sentences over and over and no one would notice."

Number 3 came along?. We thought "how can it get harder than with 2?". But it can. A darker shade of crazy can only be appreciated once you're surrounded by it. 3 is another kind of crazy altogether. Staying calm is impossible, and it's important to realise that you don't have control and never really did.

Having hugs from 3 kids is another shade of awesome though. Like being buried under a pile of love. We also get to see them build their own mythologies together and explore like a little tribe.

 

[Gracey]

I’d agree with the “not having control” @ full steam

But it was never something I thought was necessary. Absolute control.

Guidance, direction, advice and instruction. Consistent boundaries.
No means no (sometimes a brief explanation of facts to support the no, sometimes not)
They knew, from experience, a direct no meant I was resolute, unshakable.
It didn’t happen that often but was accepted when it did.

I don’t see the above as ‘control’
(In the same way I’d control a dog, for example - far more expectation of dog when trained - human brain way more complex)

I don’t believe there is complete control ... like a remote control robot ... but there’s some form of ‘order’(?)

The decisions and choices and reactions all come from what we demonstrate and the input they receive.
(I.m.h.o)

@tlc
I’d agree with the ‘hollering across the house’ thing.
Battery operated walkie- talkies for the children worked in our house (pre iPhone)