I am in the same leaky boat
Just found out myself Saturday that I am officially on the spectrum, did not even suspect until 2 weeks ago.
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Tell Me Your Story Of ASD ?!?!
I am in the same leaky boat
Just found out myself Saturday that I am officially on the spectrum, did not even suspect until 2 weeks ago.
NovaScotia Aspie
Active Member
I was always considered weird and shy and never made much of a connection with the majority of people. I can't remember exactly when my family suspected that I had AS ( well into adulthood). It is kind of a shame really as I remember the teen years as being particularly hard and could have benefited from support. Many people with AS once they get established in a career seem to settle into a niche and find there own way but it would have been nice not to go through so many hurdles before arriving at a reasonable amount of success.
Dreadful Dante
Well-Known Member
I had aversion regarding school all my life. Not usual dislike for the environment, I mean panic attacks every night due to not wanting to come back to that place.
Sounds, tastes, lights, touches that would bother me very much, wouldn't even tickle others.
Never had friends, never felt the same emotions my family described they felt for me. I would always be deeply embarrassed on a regular basis. They tried to make me look like I felt, that barely worked until I was profoundly depressed and with suicidal tendencies (for them it was wonderful, for me, nah). From that moment on, I decided to accept I was not broken. Went to group therapy, study Psychology, online courses and books to learn social skills on my own.
I got better enough to become a happy person, but they still expect me to feel what I don't and be who I'm not. Now I'm better able to pretend.
The feel that I'm in the wrong planet remains. And it's not "OMG, I'm so differeeent", it's more like "I wish I would find someone who would make the effort to understand my struggles."
Sounds, tastes, lights, touches that would bother me very much, wouldn't even tickle others.
Never had friends, never felt the same emotions my family described they felt for me. I would always be deeply embarrassed on a regular basis. They tried to make me look like I felt, that barely worked until I was profoundly depressed and with suicidal tendencies (for them it was wonderful, for me, nah). From that moment on, I decided to accept I was not broken. Went to group therapy, study Psychology, online courses and books to learn social skills on my own.
I got better enough to become a happy person, but they still expect me to feel what I don't and be who I'm not. Now I'm better able to pretend.
The feel that I'm in the wrong planet remains. And it's not "OMG, I'm so differeeent", it's more like "I wish I would find someone who would make the effort to understand my struggles."
Dreadful Dante
Well-Known Member
Wow, did I ever loathe junior high and high school! It was all about sorting people into their boxes, and mine was marked "Doesn't fit in any boxes"
No personality test that I have ever had had anything even closer to my personality. Everyone was "OMG, it's so spot on!", I was like "Maybe they'll add mine soon".
Even serious ones from my previous therapist. Didn't have even the slightest description of me.
Likemathsbutnotnumbers..
Member
Yep getting labels stuck on our personalities doesn't work when we aren't even expressing ourselves in a way suited to the people judging us. I didn't really hate school specifically, I just knew bullies were attracted to me. I've made a point of blanking people out to focus on the learning my entire life, and lunchtime would be a chance to dive into my passions at the time. But now there aren't even any societal expectations for my studies, or strict schedules, I feel terrified of failing in some way. Personally I miss the structure of school, I just wish the school could have contained me plus 2 friends and the teacher was maybe a clone of me who'd travelled from the future! Cause I don't know anyone who thinks like me in my subject areas
Kupu2
Well-Known Member
I'm sort of typical in that my eldest son, 13, has been on his teachers' radars since he was 9 or so. They all suspect he has ASD and while researching it, I discovered a lot of his quirks are mine too. I call my eldest my mini-me. The more I read, the more I KNOW I am on the spectrum.
I am in Australia and I have to seek my own assessment. I approached a group who specialise in females and ASD, but the psychologist I saw used questions that are very male oriented. I felt ill that a 2 hr session could uncover 43 yrs of my hidden shame. And so gender biased. I am going back in 2 days for the diagnosis.
I sought a diagnosis for many reasons. I need to have others tell me about myself. I am pretty much like a photograph of a hadron having been collided with at Cern. I need a still mess shot to know about myself. As a crime scene needs to be built up from the evidemce left behind, my understanding of myself is the same. I learn about my foibles after I've ruined events, situations or relationships. I need concrete evidence why I'm a child like 40 something, tomboy woman, with burning bridges trailing behind me. I had better intentions for myself, and NOTHING all the other psychs have said about me describe what I feel. Only Aspergers/ASD speaks to what I feel.
It is like a blind person holding a triangle. All the psychs tell the blind person it is a square, diamond, circle etc, but the blind person hears a child describe a triangle. YES! That IS it, thinks the blind person. But the new psych looks at the triangle the blind person is holding and calls it a pyramid because it is so misshappen from years of being prodded.
like most of you i was never diagnosed my teachers would pass me through just to get rid of me i got bullied in high school by teachers and students on top of it i had ptsd diagnosed with that late in life i struggle even more now and wish i had been diagnosed as a kid maybe then life would h
Hopeless_Aspie_Guy
Well-Known Member
I just got better at explaining things and justifying that explanation to others, so now no-one asks why I don't have a girlfriend (or if I want one) or why I'm not like this or do that etc because I've answered it all for them adequetely.
Oh no
, we're aspies ya foool. We don't do physical contact lol
I had no clue whatsoever until I read The Journal of Best Practices, about a man who didn't know until he had a career, marriage, and small children, and he started to get overwhelmed. His diagnosis let him come up with strategies. His description of getting ready for work, with clothing/sensory issues, was exactly like mine.
This put the idea into my head, but I still didn't follow up on it until a special needs teacher mentioned something I explained sounding like that way some of her Autism Spectrum students described things. I took a couple of online tests, scored pretty high, and now waiting for my diagnosis to be formalized.
I suspect that there are lots of people like myself and the book's author. Maybe we are more high functioning than average, or our culture is a bit more accommodating of diversity instead of conformity, or we get a little more support from family, or we manage to stumble onto strategies that work for us, or we land in a career where our strengths are actually strengths.
It is my strong suspicion that we just might not be as rare as the world thinks. Or as unable to fit into it as we are often treated as being.
If we had support and understanding the way we should, I think many of us would not be struggling now. Once again, the world just throws people away when they have so much to potentially give.
This put the idea into my head, but I still didn't follow up on it until a special needs teacher mentioned something I explained sounding like that way some of her Autism Spectrum students described things. I took a couple of online tests, scored pretty high, and now waiting for my diagnosis to be formalized.
I suspect that there are lots of people like myself and the book's author. Maybe we are more high functioning than average, or our culture is a bit more accommodating of diversity instead of conformity, or we get a little more support from family, or we manage to stumble onto strategies that work for us, or we land in a career where our strengths are actually strengths.
It is my strong suspicion that we just might not be as rare as the world thinks. Or as unable to fit into it as we are often treated as being.
If we had support and understanding the way we should, I think many of us would not be struggling now. Once again, the world just throws people away when they have so much to potentially give.
AutistheFrog
Resident Paleontology Nerd
I wasn't officially diagnosed as anywhere on the spectrum until I was 18 years old. Prior to that, however, there was some speculation. Let me recount the whole story based on what I know, and what a therapist that I saw from childhood until young adulthood told me, as well as what my mother has told me.
When I was born in 1989, autism wasn't well-known for what it really is. During the 1990's, doctors believed that you were either full blown autistic, or you weren't autistic at all. My mother claims that she frequently asked doctors if I was an unusual variant of autistic because I just seemed so autistic. The doctors kept telling her that no, I was not autistic. They didn't know what was wrong with me. I was, however, taught similarly to the "full blown" autistic children during my early school years. I had a lot of therapists, including psychologists, psychiatrists, occupational therapists, and a personal aid who followed me around in school. Interestingly, when I was working on my social skills, I would often be in rooms with "full blown" autistic kids, and one day I turned to a fellow student who was neurotypical, and said to him, "Hey, do you think I'm autistic?" He was so shocked by the question that I had to repeat myself. He thought I was asking him if I was ARTistic, not AUtistic. I suppose people really weren't ready to realize that autism is a spectrum, and that the label can apply to a lot more people...at least, not back then. I'm not sure how I knew I was autistic, but I somehow did.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 3 years old, bipolar when I was 12, and at some point I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety. It wasn't until I was in my mid-teens that, while attending a therapeutic school, a psychologist came in to assess students and their disabilities and disorders. He pretty quickly told the staff at the school and my parents that he thought I was "Aspergers". At first this was shrugged off, but a few years later, when I was 18, this became more evident. When I was 18 we tried to gradually take me off of my meds to see if I really needed them, and everything became terrible for me. In fact, I had such an almost crazy reaction to being taken off the meds, that my psychiatrist began to realize more and more that there was something more than just bipolar going on. He started to believe that my behaviors while un-medicated were partially due to bipolar, and partially do to Aspergers Syndrome, and I was quickly medicated once again.
In more recent years, my parents and I have started to believe that I may be more typically autistic than classically asperger's, and since the official name of the disorder has changed to "Autism Spectrum Disorder", and Asperger's technically no longer exits as a diagnosis (at least not in the DSM anymore), my diagnosis is technically "High functioning autism". So that's what I say. I'm autistic.
When I was born in 1989, autism wasn't well-known for what it really is. During the 1990's, doctors believed that you were either full blown autistic, or you weren't autistic at all. My mother claims that she frequently asked doctors if I was an unusual variant of autistic because I just seemed so autistic. The doctors kept telling her that no, I was not autistic. They didn't know what was wrong with me. I was, however, taught similarly to the "full blown" autistic children during my early school years. I had a lot of therapists, including psychologists, psychiatrists, occupational therapists, and a personal aid who followed me around in school. Interestingly, when I was working on my social skills, I would often be in rooms with "full blown" autistic kids, and one day I turned to a fellow student who was neurotypical, and said to him, "Hey, do you think I'm autistic?" He was so shocked by the question that I had to repeat myself. He thought I was asking him if I was ARTistic, not AUtistic. I suppose people really weren't ready to realize that autism is a spectrum, and that the label can apply to a lot more people...at least, not back then. I'm not sure how I knew I was autistic, but I somehow did.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 3 years old, bipolar when I was 12, and at some point I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety. It wasn't until I was in my mid-teens that, while attending a therapeutic school, a psychologist came in to assess students and their disabilities and disorders. He pretty quickly told the staff at the school and my parents that he thought I was "Aspergers". At first this was shrugged off, but a few years later, when I was 18, this became more evident. When I was 18 we tried to gradually take me off of my meds to see if I really needed them, and everything became terrible for me. In fact, I had such an almost crazy reaction to being taken off the meds, that my psychiatrist began to realize more and more that there was something more than just bipolar going on. He started to believe that my behaviors while un-medicated were partially due to bipolar, and partially do to Aspergers Syndrome, and I was quickly medicated once again.
In more recent years, my parents and I have started to believe that I may be more typically autistic than classically asperger's, and since the official name of the disorder has changed to "Autism Spectrum Disorder", and Asperger's technically no longer exits as a diagnosis (at least not in the DSM anymore), my diagnosis is technically "High functioning autism". So that's what I say. I'm autistic.
Kit
Well-Known Member
My mom told me she always knew I had something and she had to take classes to figure out how my brain worked to teach me and she had to learn to be visual. None of the professionals could figure out what I had except that I had a language delay. It was only teachers that thought I might have autism but none of the professionals said I didn't and didn't see it in me.
One thing that frustrated me reading through my medical records was how they would overlook my autism symptoms and say I only had language. They couldn't at least have said I had autistic tenancies or autistic traits. It was as if they thought it was black and white, either you had it or you didn't. There was only one social worker that said I had autistic like behavior with language impairment. However if they thought my social problems were due to my language, me not understanding directions or rules, or having a hard time playing with other kids, fair enough because I can understand why they would tie that down to my language delay. I think it has always been considered throughout my childhood if I had autism or not but they wanted to see if my language would improve first. Plus they said I was too socially developed and because I wanted to impress grown ups and because I was too social to even be autistic. But that was the 90's. I did want to have friends too and I did play with other kids. But what no one looked at was how well I play with others outside my home and how do kids get along with me and if I am used or not and do I get upset when things don't go my way or how do I react when kids touch my stuff or when they aren't playing by my rules.
How old were you when you were suspected of this?
I never suspected it because I knew nothing about it.
Who suspected it?
Speech therapist, my psychologist. I think my parents did too at one point because I remember my mother telling me in 8th grade she tried having me tested for it in 4th grade and the clinical psychologist we were seeing said I didn't have it.
What country and or health service (if any) were you diagnosed or helped under?
OHSU in Portland, OR. I am not sure if my parents paid for any of the visits or if their insurance did.
What did your diagnosis testing involve?
I don't remember. I only remember my mom and psychiatrist talking about my childhood and my current life and I was asked three wishes. I also remeber it involved my psychiatrist looking at the questionnaires I filled out and my teachers and my parents from when I was in 5th and 6th grade.
How did it change your life (in terms of your knowledge, expectations and support)?
I was given an aide, I had my schoolwork modified, I didn't get in trouble for my episodes. But in high school, limitations were set on me for career choices and class choices due to my diagnoses. I think my life was a little easier at home too until I was in my junior year of high school and boy were things worse because all it did was it made my anxiety even worse and then my family lives were hell because of me.
Do you feel lucky to have been diagnosed?
Yes and no.
One thing that frustrated me reading through my medical records was how they would overlook my autism symptoms and say I only had language. They couldn't at least have said I had autistic tenancies or autistic traits. It was as if they thought it was black and white, either you had it or you didn't. There was only one social worker that said I had autistic like behavior with language impairment. However if they thought my social problems were due to my language, me not understanding directions or rules, or having a hard time playing with other kids, fair enough because I can understand why they would tie that down to my language delay. I think it has always been considered throughout my childhood if I had autism or not but they wanted to see if my language would improve first. Plus they said I was too socially developed and because I wanted to impress grown ups and because I was too social to even be autistic. But that was the 90's. I did want to have friends too and I did play with other kids. But what no one looked at was how well I play with others outside my home and how do kids get along with me and if I am used or not and do I get upset when things don't go my way or how do I react when kids touch my stuff or when they aren't playing by my rules.
How old were you when you were suspected of this?
I never suspected it because I knew nothing about it.
Who suspected it?
Speech therapist, my psychologist. I think my parents did too at one point because I remember my mother telling me in 8th grade she tried having me tested for it in 4th grade and the clinical psychologist we were seeing said I didn't have it.
What country and or health service (if any) were you diagnosed or helped under?
OHSU in Portland, OR. I am not sure if my parents paid for any of the visits or if their insurance did.
What did your diagnosis testing involve?
I don't remember. I only remember my mom and psychiatrist talking about my childhood and my current life and I was asked three wishes. I also remeber it involved my psychiatrist looking at the questionnaires I filled out and my teachers and my parents from when I was in 5th and 6th grade.
How did it change your life (in terms of your knowledge, expectations and support)?
I was given an aide, I had my schoolwork modified, I didn't get in trouble for my episodes. But in high school, limitations were set on me for career choices and class choices due to my diagnoses. I think my life was a little easier at home too until I was in my junior year of high school and boy were things worse because all it did was it made my anxiety even worse and then my family lives were hell because of me.
Do you feel lucky to have been diagnosed?
Yes and no.
lateundiagnosed
Member
looking at some of the topics here, woah! lol. ok i just wanted to ask some of you since discovering you had autism spectrum disorder did it change you?. i just realized this at 58 years old maybe 2 weeks ago, it hit me pretty hard. has it changed your outlook on life? it seems like a lot of things i once thought were true are not at all. thinking so much about things here lately, in a way, ive been able to let go of lots of hard feelings ive had towards some people because of this. bad things (i thought were bad) that happened to me long time ago i seem to vanish. it sort of washes away or dilutes ideas i had about the world. maybe im just getting "delusions of grandeur" ?
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