Telephone

[Sportster]

How are you with the phone?


I just might sound like a Klingon sometimes. If I take the call, I get lost and flustered. On the other hand, if I make the call, I'll spend some time rehearsing it. If it's an important call, I'll have a little script prepared. For instance, if I have to call my internet provider, I'll have my notes on what I want to say. If they deviate from my script, then I tend to get rude. By nature I'm not a rude person, but things often happen that way.

 

[King_Oni]

I dislike using a phone.. a lot. Though there's a bit of a love hate relationship for it with me.

But I have a rather big reason for it. The main reason for me is that I'm just terrible at keeping track of the conversation at hand when it's spoken through a phone. I'm one of these people that needs a chat or email or something so I can read, think, type, rephrase and make a sensible conversation work. However, I will say, I don't really mind having informal conversations on the phone with friends. There's a lot more "uhm"-ing going on, but there's no real pressure. But if say, social services call, they never call for a chit chat, it's always serious business and they're most likely better trained to handle phonecalls (aside from my personal issues on top of the lack of "professional" skill), and thus I prefer to level the playing field by using email instead. It's also why I told them to not call me and send me mail (either email or physical letters). It's also why working for a call center just doesn't work for me...

As for cellphones, and the annoyance that comes with that is that I have a cellphone because I don't have a landline (and it's in general the same price + the convenience of having a phone around when I'm not home), yet apparently if you have a cellphone you are expected to answer 24/7 as well because there's no "I wasn't home". I don't do that. I use my phone for calling others, and eventually, if I feel like it, answer if it rings. I don't see why answering the phone is mandatory if it's a cell. I once told someone "because it has caller ID I can see who calls and that also means I can choose to not speak to them if I don't want to" and people stare at me like I'm crazy. If someone is at the door and I don't care a lot for them (at that moment) I'm not going to invite them in either. Is it rude? Perhaps. But it's also a way of setting clear boundaries to engage to have contact.

My phone is usually in flight mode (offline) when I'm busy with something like watching a movie, painting, eating, sleeping or whatever I do and only if I'm not really doing something I want to keep my attention to, is that I turn it on. And even if it's on, the sound is off, so if someone is calling and is lucky, I might see the screen flash. If not, boo-f**king-hoo. My voicemail/answering machine service is off as well. So I guess I'm hard to reach, even on a cell. I want my peace and quiet I guess. This 24/7 always connected, always available mindset does not work for me.

The thing I do use my phone for regularly is for texting or sending a message through Whatsapp or similar services. Usually to communicate with my girlfriend and quite often just for good laughs cause something came to mind, I saw something funny and I have to show her a picture, stuff like that. But with the use of these services, I don't need to be available 24/7, if my phone is off, I'll get said message when I turn it on.

Some people think I'm odd for using my phone like this. While others feel that my idea on how to use a phone is a welcome change to look at how you use a phone since it makes you less stressful and on edge.

 

[Judge]

I never know the etiquette for using the phone or what to do during those awkward silences. I often find myself babbling away in order to fill the gap. If it's not that, then I find myself constantly interrupting.

I've thought this to be a rather "classic" trait of AS. Yeah, I have that one, for sure.

Etiquette? For me I think this is one of those traits I simply have no control over no matter how I address it. Whenever I pick up the phone it's one of those situations where I might as well raise a sign saying I'm autistic.

I can't remember the last time I ever had a "flawless" conversation on the phone.

 

[ChildoftheCorn]

I rarely answer my phone. I let them leave a message and text them back.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I hate phones. I usually just text people for that reason. Sometimes I can call family, though, because I know them well.
I can talk to my best friend on the phone.
Nobody else.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I like using the phone for conversing with my 2 friends (currently making a third friend - we'll see), but I put the speaker phone on so it's like they're right in the room and I can still get my housework or whatever done. The "mute" button comes in handy for when I have to use the bathroom.

 

[Loomis]

I hate phones. I usually just text people for that reason. Sometimes I can call family, though, because I know them well.
I can talk to my best friend on the phone.
Nobody else.

If someone calls me I want to find out what they want, resolve any issues and end the call. I like texts, however, even less and ask people not to text me.

 

[Turk]

Yep."raises hand "
Everytime a pause comes, I feel the pressure to fill it. Quite often ill start to say something, multiple time, over the top of the other person. The more start and stops there are, the worse I get. Another thing I do is I raise the level of my voice for some ridiculous reason. So when im talking on the phone, next to the wife, she's bleeding from the ears. She often tell me " ya know, you havnt got a couple of cans and some string there. " To this end, I have an unhealthy addiction to texting or emailing. I consider it to be my brain to mouth filter. Do you find yourself running through your head, what your gunna say, only to have it come out sounding like Klingon

 

[Steph06]

I hate phones too. I like FaceTime as an alternative. There's a little bit of extra information from facial expressions etc that makes conversations easier for me to understand in that format

 

[shakeitup94]

I hate phone conversations too. And unanswered phones bug me. I hate it when I'm in a shop or something and it just keeps ringing and ringing. And I hate being on them and talking on them. It's just weird. As for phone etiquette I just generally try to avoid using mine in any situation that is quiet or that other people can't get away from me such as a bus.

 

[geO]

I also hate phone calls and never can stay of topic i bounce all over the place. I can not stay still when talking and pace all over the house. I find the phone stressful and so now use a answering machine.

 

[Jusdifferent]

Reading this here - makes me feel a little better.
I just ate my phone.
( No, really - I did - sort of. )
I bit it out of sheer frustration, anger...
Bit it, cussed it out, threw it against the wall, picked it up and bit it again, and now it's sitting in the bathroom trashcan under a bloody tampon.
( SHAME MODE )

*I'm new here. I found this place by googling : "I have AS, and hate the phone." Guess I'm not alone.

My NT hubby will will be home in a bit, and no doubt find it's electronic "body" in the trash, and want an explanation.
My day has gone right to hell, and is in the garbage - literally.
:-<

 

[Etzelaire]

I don't like the phone, it's like when someone comes over without asking first. I get anxious without time to prepare for the conversation. Obviously, this doesn't apply to the post service.

 

[Jusdifferent]

" it's like when someone comes over without asking first"

Oh, I can't stand that! ( Thought I was the only one - LOL, with relief! )
I pretend I'm not home, and don't answer the door.
I actually hid behind the sofa one time, when I saw that it was my hubby's family.
( Was having a bad day, and just didn't want to deal with them. )

Yes, I too sometimes feel like I must "prepare for conversation". Verbal words don't come easy for me. Written words are fine, however. I know, strange... For however loquacious I am at the keyboard, I am conversely reticent in person, and even worse on the phone. I completely clam up :-<

Business calls are kind of ok, though, although I still don't like it. * For lack of better terminology, I have a sort of business "persona" I can call up for that sort of situation. I can fly under the radar like that, but my "trick" doesn't work for other things.

*I wonder if anyone else here hates the rings, ( on phones ), as well? The old landline rings used to be bad, but the new mobile rings are pretty hideous, too. The only one I can kinda-sorta tolerate is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. My pooch is screwed if they ever discontinue that one. Although, most days, I just hide the damn thing down my brassiere, and leave it on vibrate. Some days I leave it off entirely, shut the blinds, put in my MP3, and hide from the world.

 

[Progster]

No, I've never liked using the phone, it always makes me feel extremely awkward. For me, the worse thing is taking calls for other people.

 

[Gingerlass27]

Hello fellow phone haters.

I definitely agree with what others have posted.

I keep my phone on silent or vibrate as even the buzzing makes my heart pound with panic/anxiety. Ringing/beeping etc would really make me highly anxious.

The only person I will speak to on the phone is my mum, and only if she phone at a regular day & time. Everyone else gets answerphone. As others have said, phone conversations are a mess of long pauses, speaking over the other person, random subject changes & so on.

I'm very grateful for email, texts etc.

 

[Shawn D]

I hate talking on the phone, especially with people I don't know. I've gotten better at it with age, having developed a flexible "script" to use. I have to call a lot of strangers these days, because my daughter is special needs and I have to make appointments and discuss her condition with doctors.
When I was a child and teenager, though, I refused to call people I didn't know. I remember a specific time this caused a problem. I was 16 and started modeling and acting. I got a call-back from an audition and they had left a message. Rather than calling them back, I waited for my mom to get home so she could call them, but she got home late that day, and their office was closed. I missed out on the part [emoji20]

 

[Spiller]

I've never liked using phones, I remember as a kid, coming up with excuses so I didn't have to phone someone.
I recently went for a period of seven years almost without using a phone at all - I'd leave a ringing phone for my assistant to answer at work even if she wasn't in the room, telling myself it was ok behavior when running a business, laughing it off when clients mentioned they could never get hold of me. I got people to text me all the time, as I found I'd have time to think before responding.
I recently forced myself to start answering and making calls - I can't do it all the time yet and there's a lot of anxiety involved, but that's the thing, the anxiety! Get past that and the call itself isn't as bad as my mind tells me it'll be.
I find, now I'm in a mature and knowlegable enough position to understand the problem, it seems I struggle to understand every word that's being said - the distortion and any background noise don't help, even on speaker - lose track of the conversation and get anxious, especially with having to ask often for the other person to repeat themselves several times.
The anxiety then carries over and increases for the next occasion.
I'm not sure if this is a processing delay which, I've read, is a common trait in AS/ASD, or due to the loss of visual clues, like lip reading. One thing I have noticed though is that, if I'm less anxious and if the other persons voice is clear and expressive, then I don't do too badly, even though it is still an effort.. I'm always mystified when I watch others and see how effortless they find it, even in noisy environments.