Talking in public and at school

[camram]

My son does not talk in public or at school. The Special Education counselor at the school told me yesterday that not talking is not part of Aspergers or Autism. That he is making a choice not to talk.

Is this right?

 

[Spinning Compass]

It could be that he is making a choice not to talk because he does not have the communication skills and does not know what to say, only that when he says something it all goes wrong somehow. I tend to go silent when I feel that I am not being heard or taken seriously. Not talking can indicate not trusting.

Does he get on the Internet at all and talk to others in his situation, like us?

 

[. . .]

It's extremely common for people on the spectrum to refrain from speaking. There supposedly are some sociable people on the spectrum, but they seem to be few.

I choose not to talk to others because:

A.) I often fumble when speaking
B.) I generally lack interest in what people have to say to me (that might sound bad, but I can't help it)

I usually just tune people out. I'm really self-absorbed.

 

[camram]

He has an xbox and talks all the time on it. He talks to his friends from school on the xbox, but not in person.

I was surprised that the counselor told me it had nothing to do with AS.

I think he doesn't like people looking at him. He says people stare at him and he doesn't like it. Could it be he doesn't want people to see him talking?

 

[Droopy]

I was surprised that the counselor told me it had nothing to do with AS.

Really? I'm very certain that it is part of Aspergers Syndrome. Having problems with communication, speaking and socializing are all traits of Aspergers. If your counselor is telling you otherwise then he clearly doesn't have a clue. I also wouldn't be certain that your son is choosing not to talk. Sometimes it can be a case of wanting to talk but having great difficulty in doing so or not knowing what to say. Everyone on the spectrum is different though but I would be intrigued as to how your counselor came to his conclusion. Did he ask your son specifically if he was choosing not to talk or wanting to talk but having difficulty?

I think he doesn't like people looking at him. He says people stare at him and he doesn't like it. Could it be he doesn't want people to see him talking?

People who have Aspergers can have difficulty with making eye contact. Some people also find that others looking at them can be intimidating. Generally, those on the spectrum are shy when around people but may be better at socializing via other methods (i.e. Xbox, internet, Skype).

 

[. . .]

He has an xbox and talks all the time on it. He talks to his friends from school on the xbox, but not in person.

I was surprised that the counselor told me it had nothing to do with AS.

I think he doesn't like people looking at him. He says people stare at him and he doesn't like it. Could it be he doesn't want people to see him talking?

Ooops, I read your initial post wrongly. I thought you said the counselor told you it has to do with AS.

If his counselor says that it has nothing to do with Asperger's, then he definitely doesn't have a good understanding of what Asperger's is.

 

[camram]

Thank you for confirming. I think this whole school district has no clue with Autism and AS. I've read tons of stuff and everything I read says it is. So I was very confused when she told me this. I think she was trying to make a case for herself not doing her job. He is supposed to be going to her once a month for counseling and she just told me this week that he has not been coming to her all year.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I am not surprised that the school district doesn't have a clue. But it sounds like your son has been getting away with stuff for quite a while. I'm not trying to point the finger, but I never would have been able to get away with not seeing my counselor for a year. My parents would have known when each and every one of my appointments were, and they would have been checking up on me to see that I was where I said I was. Yes, they were that strict. Furthermore, my father was a teacher and he had a network of "spies" all over the district. There was very little I could get away with. It was uncanny what they knew and how soon they found out. So I could not play school and parents against each other. They say Asperger's people are not capable of being manipulative. Don't you believe that for one second!

 

[camram]

In all conversations the counselor told us that she was meeting with him and that he would communicate with her by writing down on paper. We were told by her today in the ARD that he has not come to the one-on-one sessions since October. We have had 3 meetings since October and never once did she say he was not attending the sessions. We would ask how he was doing in every meeting and conversation. Nothing was ever evident that he was not getting the counseling.

I do agree that he is most likely getting away with things at the school that others would not. But nobody is communicating with us. This is one of those towns that if you didn't grow up here, you are pretty much ignored. We regret not moving to a better area 6 years ago when we had the chance, but hindsight is 20/20. Now we are saddled with a house that we probably won't be able to sell for a while.

And I know he can be manipulative. He has finally figured out humor and a lot of times he will use humor to get what he wants.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Yes, I know all about those kinds of towns. My sister, who is physically handicapped, said it was a good thing she was born where she was in lower Michigan rather than the Upper Peninsula where we are originally from, because if she had grown up in the small town my parents moved back to after retirement she does not know where she would be today, except that she knows she would not have a Ph.D. and be teaching at a state university. She said her high school years there were just hell. But the city we grew up in was home to a major pharmaceutical company, whose founder happened to have a handicapped child, and this led him to found one of the premier schools for the handicapped in the area. She really credits that school for making her who she is.

It is very hard to be trapped in a small town with a child that is out of the norm and nowhere to go. I think this may have been a factor in the death of a Michigan teen several years ago. She had a lot of problems and was taken out of school. Her parents ended up chaining her to her bed and she died in a house fire. Very, very sad case. They lived in a small town too.

 

[Droopy]

In all conversations the counselor told us that she was meeting with him and that he would communicate with her by writing down on paper. We were told by her today in the ARD that he has not come to the one-on-one sessions since October. We have had 3 meetings since October and never once did she say he was not attending the sessions. We would ask how he was doing in every meeting and conversation. Nothing was ever evident that he was not getting the counseling.

If that is the case then serious questions need to be asked to this "counselor". Why would she imply that your son was still attending the meetings and now tell you that he wasn't? Something seems odd here.

 

[camram]

Yes...odd. And in the ARD when we questioned why she never contacted us, all she could say was sorry. Had we known in Oct or Nov that he wasn't going to the sessions, we possibly could have done something about it and things would not have progressed to where they are now. He was supposed to have 60 mins of counseling each month. She didn't do her job, and our son is now in a situation he should have never been in.

 

[Mr Faramoose]

can you ask him if the reason or one of the reasons he doesn't talk, is it because he finds it very hard to know what to say during conversation or he finds his eyes don't want to naturally meet the gaze of the person he is speaking to?