Suspended, again

[Profmom]

We're now on our fifth suspension, our fifth since the school year started three months ago. This is now two out of three that were a result of physical altercations with other boys. (One other was for "smack talk" with a boy, two were for using profanity against teachers.)

My 12-year-old was diagnosed one month ago, we are in the process of doing his special ed evaluation. His 504 for ADHD and epilepsy does nothing for him in terms of his behavioral issues. We are just getting started on getting him into an autism clinic for social skills training; we had to wait until he accepted enough of the results of the testing to go along with it. He has been in private counseling for 1.5 years, but there's only so much that can do given the scope of his school problems.

Suspensions have no effect on him other than reinforcing his understanding of how ridiculous the school system is for booting kids who need the most help.

Five suspensions. How will he make it through the school year?

Just frustrated and sad here, both us (his parents) and him.

 

[Daniela]

Just a toght here, can he have homeschool? Is he in his first years of school ?

 

[Profmom]

Hi, Daniela. He started middle school this year, which has been great in some ways (e.g. he gets to move around more, has classes are on topics he likes), but has been bad in the amount of freedom that all kids have in that there are more unsupervised opportunities for trouble. It's also noisier and more chaotic.

We've toyed with the thought of homeschooling for years, but both his dad and I work full time and our jobs are necessary to support the family. And, he couldn't get some of the great educational exposure that he does get sometimes (like the agriscience class that he looks forward to so much every day). We would love to keep him wrapped up at home in a bubble, though, and he learns so much quicker when we work with him one on one.

There is a private school for ASD kids about an hour away from us, but I haven't even dared to find out what their tuition is like. Today, I'm thinking it might be worth asking. I just haven't a clue how we would pay for it.

 

[Judge]

My 12-year-old was diagnosed one month ago, we are in the process of doing his special ed evaluation. His 504 for ADHD and epilepsy does nothing for him in terms of his behavioral issues. We are just getting started on getting him into an autism clinic for social skills training; we had to wait until he accepted enough of the results of the testing to go along with it.

Is "the jury still out" on his Individual Education Plan realtive to having ASD? Just wondering....in reviewing IEP. Perhaps there's more they can do for him within the public school system.

What Is an IEP? | Individualized Education Program

 

[Profmom]

This is our third time trying for an IEP, so we're not feeling optimistic. The first one was for his ADHD, and it was his teacher who initiated the process because she felt he needed it. The second one was for his epilepsy, and all we could get was a 504.

We live in a small town with few resources in the schools, so we're expecting we'll get rejected for an IEP again. There aren't even resource personnel for the middle school. This would mean them having to pay for services for him, and they will resist that as much as possible. Our best bet for public school help is them busing him to the neighboring county, which has better resources, but that will have to come at their expense too. We would be so happy if we could get an aide for him; that would make such a difference.

Bottom line, the possibility still exists, but we're not holding our breath.

Any tips on how to push for what we need?

 

[Judge]

This is our third time trying for an IEP, so we're not feeling optimistic. Bottom line, the possibility still exists, but we're not holding our breath.

Any tips on how to push for what we need?

Might be worth pondering this link:

A Parent’s Perspective: Pros and Cons of Bringing a Lawyer to the IEP Meeting | IEP & 504 Plan | At School

 

[Profmom]

Thanks, Judge. This is very helpful.

We live in a small town, we naively thought that services that our son truly needs would be offered to us out of concern for his education. We now see this isn't the case. His resource teacher from last year and two teachers this year have pulled us aside and called us to tell us that he needs more than he is being given. One teacher specifically said that she would like an aide for him. I understand that they are powerless in this situation, though.

This year we are adding a neuropsychologist to the pile of names/papers from his neurologist, pediatrician, children's education psychologists, and education consultant. Maybe this will be our year.

I suppose it is time to do some serious self-education!

Thanks to all of you.

 

[Sass]

Thanks, Judge. This is very helpful.

We live in a small town, we naively thought that services that our son truly needs would be offered to us out of concern for his education. We now see this isn't the case. His resource teacher from last year and two teachers this year have pulled us aside and called us to tell us that he needs more than he is being given. One teacher specifically said that she would like an aide for him. I understand that they are powerless in this situation, though.

This year we are adding a neuropsychologist to the pile of names/papers from his neurologist, pediatrician, children's education psychologists, and education consultant. Maybe this will be our year.

I suppose it is time to do some serious self-education!

Thanks to all of you.

Aides are a wonderful thing! My son is only little (6) and once we got the green light for funding for an aide through the school he really started to shine. The classroom as it was wasn't really geared for the way he learns, but now that he has someone there to help him if required, in terms of explaining things in a different way, or tailoring the work to suit the way he takes things in, he's been so much happier and more comfortable.

I often think that at any age, kids need to feel safe and accepted at school before they get down to the good stuff. I went undiagnosed until the age of 34, and I could have used some help myself in my school years, not with the work itself, but the structure of it. Every school report said I would have been excelling had I 'applied myself'. I would have applied myself a lot more if I'd had an aide to work with I think!

Good luck with it all

 

[Profmom]

Thank you, Sass. This is reassuring!

 

[Nadador]

I was twelve when I was first suspended from school for behavioural problems, though this was in 1960s England, so there are obvious differences in how things were or could have been handled. I can empathise with your boy, though. What a tough age for having developmental and social troubles.

I'm surprised his ADHD isn't taken into consideration with regards to his profanity, as impulse control is quite difficult with that disorder. An aide sounds like a very good idea for individual attention that might offset his frustrations. What a shame that teachers don't have any power to get help for a situation that affects their own classrooms. They shouldn't have to "pull you aside" for anything when it's the ears of administrators that need bending. Every district has hundreds of parents, but only handfuls of teachers, so one would think the flow of communication would travel upwards from the base. There's something very wrong with the entire process, I agree.

Could you realistically manage the commute to the ASD school if tuition was in reach? You might try looking for grant monies to aid with the costs. This link may hold some opportunities, as I see a few options for education assistance:

Autism grants in the United States | Autism Support Network

If this doesn't do it, keep looking. There are foundations for just about everything, it seems. It just takes some dedication to find them. I don't know anything about U.S. taxes, but you may qualify for a credit on the back end if you sent your lad to a special school.

Good luck. Its a tough situation, and I feel for you.

 

[Judge]

I was twelve when I was first suspended from school for behavioural problems, though this was in 1960s England, so there are obvious differences in how things were or could have been handled. I can empathise with your boy, though. What a tough age for having developmental and social troubles.

Me too.

Twelve was a terrible time in my life. I felt like each day of school was a part in "The Lord Of The Flies".

 

[Profmom]

Thank you, Nadador and Judge.

I don't know how we'd manage tuition for a private school, but if we can show that the school isn't fulfilling his needs and that he has resources that aren't been tended to we can try to get him transferred to another school at our school district's expense.

Judge, I've actually used "The Lord of the Flies" to explain things a bit to my son. I think I should show him the (original) movie. He'd get a kick out of it. He just read "The Giver" and "The Gathering" at school ("The Giver" blew his mind), and on our next movie night we'll watch "The Truman Show" together.