Love thins - so important.
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Susceptible, not after you read this.....
- Thread starter Aspychata
- Start date
Thursday Food For Thought:
9.Be aware of the general perspective that others use to *frame* the problem, situation, or issue at hand, because accepting their frame on their terms gives them a powerful advantage. Be willing to step back and reject the entire framework, and propose your alternative before debating the specifics.
10.Always avoid taking uncertain actions that the change-agent insists must be made immediately; move out of the situation, take time to think, get unbiased second opinions, never rush to sign on the dotted line.
9.Be aware of the general perspective that others use to *frame* the problem, situation, or issue at hand, because accepting their frame on their terms gives them a powerful advantage. Be willing to step back and reject the entire framework, and propose your alternative before debating the specifics.
10.Always avoid taking uncertain actions that the change-agent insists must be made immediately; move out of the situation, take time to think, get unbiased second opinions, never rush to sign on the dotted line.
Happy Friday Food for Thought
11.Be willing to suffer short-term losses in money, self-esteem, time, and effort, rather than suffer from dissonance about a wrong commitment which keeps you locked in. Accept sunk costs, cut ties, and move on with the vital knowledge of having learned from your mistakes, or wrong decision, not to repeat it.
12.Insist on an understandable explanation, without double speak; paraphrase your view of it. Don't let change-agents make you feel stupid; poor explanations are signs of deceptions or lack of adequate knowledge by the allegedly informed.
11.Be willing to suffer short-term losses in money, self-esteem, time, and effort, rather than suffer from dissonance about a wrong commitment which keeps you locked in. Accept sunk costs, cut ties, and move on with the vital knowledge of having learned from your mistakes, or wrong decision, not to repeat it.
12.Insist on an understandable explanation, without double speak; paraphrase your view of it. Don't let change-agents make you feel stupid; poor explanations are signs of deceptions or lack of adequate knowledge by the allegedly informed.
The sunk cost fallacy. My favourite.
Can keep you tied in to all sorts of thinking. Gets easier once you know it's a thing.
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All these hit home with me. Kinda of universal truths for anybody. I have definetly used #12, just to screw with the parameters of anything like a exercise in logic and negotiations,like what the hell. My pea brain spends all it's time trying to change paramenters of everything which is probably why l did well as a mediator.
It’s just hit me your avatar is different
I am astounded that I would ever think a man could abuse me in any way ,I’ve realised !what I used to think was just neuro typical aggression, is autism combined with PTSD ,that’s probably why I have never had a relationship I couldn’t compromise .
Hey- It's Saturday
13. When caught up in an impersonal influence setting, individuate yourself and the agent of influence to establish mutual humanity, identity, shared concerned; break through role constraints by using eye contact, personal names, flattery; manage personal identites, yours and theirs.
14. Be especially tuned into the establishment of host-guest relationships in which you are made to feel and act as the guest, thereby compromising your freedom of choice and action.
13. When caught up in an impersonal influence setting, individuate yourself and the agent of influence to establish mutual humanity, identity, shared concerned; break through role constraints by using eye contact, personal names, flattery; manage personal identites, yours and theirs.
14. Be especially tuned into the establishment of host-guest relationships in which you are made to feel and act as the guest, thereby compromising your freedom of choice and action.
Yeh,in Stockholm
Great thread.
One that I have been smacked in the face with lately is my tendency to explain away anxiety and other negative feelings around/about certain people as a manifestation of my own issues instead of a clue that I shouldn't be around those people. "Of course I'm having anxiety attacks whenever I'm at their house, I have an anxiety disorder!" without stopping to consider that I don't have anxiety attacks anywhere else - only at their home or when they're involved somehow. Others don't have that effect on me. This pattern has repeated itself a few times throughout my lifetime - whenever I've found myself in trouble mentally, it's been a result of toxic people in my life. I have a tendency not to recognize that at the time. It's only through later reflection that it becomes apparent.
Don't internalize the effects others are having on you. It's not a manifestation of (insert psych diagnosis that you already know you have here) if you're only experiencing these symptoms/issues around a certain person or group. If you don't have issues around anyone else or in any other area of your life, then you are not the problem.
If one or more of the people who you have problems around, when you don't have problems around anyone else, tells you that they're "concerned about your mental health" RUN like hell. "I'm concerned about your mental health" is often code for "I'm trying to convince you that you're crazy and you're a problem and I'm trying to do it in a way that makes you think I'm on your side." (It's not always - this is highly situation dependent because abusers use this strategy, but it's also extremely legitimate for your loved ones to be concerned about you. This clue does not exist in a vacuum.)
"I'm a very private person" is often code for "I don't want you to tell anyone about me because I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'm aware that your friends and family will alert you to that fact if they find out what I'm doing." - they want you to "respect them" by not creating any awareness for yourself or others that they don't live up to the wonderful image they've carefully crafted for themselves.
You can't shrink yourself out of a bad situation. If you're in a bad situation, you shouldn't try to change your mindset - that's akin to self imposed Stockholm syndrome. Change the situation.
One that I have been smacked in the face with lately is my tendency to explain away anxiety and other negative feelings around/about certain people as a manifestation of my own issues instead of a clue that I shouldn't be around those people. "Of course I'm having anxiety attacks whenever I'm at their house, I have an anxiety disorder!" without stopping to consider that I don't have anxiety attacks anywhere else - only at their home or when they're involved somehow. Others don't have that effect on me. This pattern has repeated itself a few times throughout my lifetime - whenever I've found myself in trouble mentally, it's been a result of toxic people in my life. I have a tendency not to recognize that at the time. It's only through later reflection that it becomes apparent.
Don't internalize the effects others are having on you. It's not a manifestation of (insert psych diagnosis that you already know you have here) if you're only experiencing these symptoms/issues around a certain person or group. If you don't have issues around anyone else or in any other area of your life, then you are not the problem.
If one or more of the people who you have problems around, when you don't have problems around anyone else, tells you that they're "concerned about your mental health" RUN like hell. "I'm concerned about your mental health" is often code for "I'm trying to convince you that you're crazy and you're a problem and I'm trying to do it in a way that makes you think I'm on your side." (It's not always - this is highly situation dependent because abusers use this strategy, but it's also extremely legitimate for your loved ones to be concerned about you. This clue does not exist in a vacuum.)
"I'm a very private person" is often code for "I don't want you to tell anyone about me because I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'm aware that your friends and family will alert you to that fact if they find out what I'm doing." - they want you to "respect them" by not creating any awareness for yourself or others that they don't live up to the wonderful image they've carefully crafted for themselves.
You can't shrink yourself out of a bad situation. If you're in a bad situation, you shouldn't try to change your mindset - that's akin to self imposed Stockholm syndrome. Change the situation.
Happy Sunday Food for Thought
15. Greed and ego-inflating flattery will get mind-control manipulators and con artists far, but only if you allow yourself to be seduced by these spurious motives; resist their lure by taking the perspective of the most honest, self-assured person you know.
16.Don't believe in simple solutions to complex personal, social, and political problems.
15. Greed and ego-inflating flattery will get mind-control manipulators and con artists far, but only if you allow yourself to be seduced by these spurious motives; resist their lure by taking the perspective of the most honest, self-assured person you know.
16.Don't believe in simple solutions to complex personal, social, and political problems.
Happy Monday
17.Avoid "total situations" that are unfamiliar and in which you have little control and freedom; immediately test the limits of your autonomy; check out psychological and phusical exits: accept small hassles as reasonable exit costs from what could be a bigger loss. (tThis sounds similar to a earlier one posted.)
18. Legitimate authority deserves respect and sometimes our obedience, but illegitimate authority must always be rejected, disobeyed , and exposed.
Two more left. However l am starting 10 things to help through life and keep us less susceptible.
1. Understanding that not everything that happens to you is about you.
2. Focusing on other people without dwelling on how they view you.
Two excellent points. Open to your discussion how they apply to you.
17.Avoid "total situations" that are unfamiliar and in which you have little control and freedom; immediately test the limits of your autonomy; check out psychological and phusical exits: accept small hassles as reasonable exit costs from what could be a bigger loss. (tThis sounds similar to a earlier one posted.)
18. Legitimate authority deserves respect and sometimes our obedience, but illegitimate authority must always be rejected, disobeyed , and exposed.
Two more left. However l am starting 10 things to help through life and keep us less susceptible.
1. Understanding that not everything that happens to you is about you.
2. Focusing on other people without dwelling on how they view you.
Two excellent points. Open to your discussion how they apply to you.
Tuesday
Final two:
19. Be sensitive to situational demands however trivial they may seem; role relationships, uniforms, symbols of authority, signs, titles, group pressures, rules, apparent consensus, scarcity, slogans, obligations, and commitments.
20.It is not enough to dissent vocally, or to be emotionally distressed at the operation of injustice, or a change in the rules of the game, as you understand them - you must be willing to openly disobey, to defy, to challenge, and to suffer any repercussions.
Not sure about the last one. I have a issue with that. I think you can only go so far protesting injustice.
The rest of the other list:
Realizing that you don't have to act the way you feel.
Being able to reframe (and manage) disappointment and adversity.
Knowing how to solicit honest feedback.
Staying true to your own values despite what others expect of you.
Be open to new information or revised thinking.
Mastering a fail-safe way to motivate yourself, ine thay works when interest flags.
Zoning in on your purpose in zoned-out world.
Tolerating ambiguity. Despite being a sure-fire fuel of anxiety, uncertainty is a condition of life.
Tolerance for ambiguity comes at the expense of clarity. But the rewards are rich. We're more able to shift gears,experiment, be more flexible, take in new information that we'd otherwise reject, and a situation develop before pulling the proverbial trigger. We're better able to handle risk and to make decisions without deluding ourselves into thinking we know everything there is to know. In the end,we're less anxious.
Total certainty is, at best, an illusion.
Final two:
19. Be sensitive to situational demands however trivial they may seem; role relationships, uniforms, symbols of authority, signs, titles, group pressures, rules, apparent consensus, scarcity, slogans, obligations, and commitments.
20.It is not enough to dissent vocally, or to be emotionally distressed at the operation of injustice, or a change in the rules of the game, as you understand them - you must be willing to openly disobey, to defy, to challenge, and to suffer any repercussions.
Not sure about the last one. I have a issue with that. I think you can only go so far protesting injustice.
The rest of the other list:
Realizing that you don't have to act the way you feel.
Being able to reframe (and manage) disappointment and adversity.
Knowing how to solicit honest feedback.
Staying true to your own values despite what others expect of you.
Be open to new information or revised thinking.
Mastering a fail-safe way to motivate yourself, ine thay works when interest flags.
Zoning in on your purpose in zoned-out world.
Tolerating ambiguity. Despite being a sure-fire fuel of anxiety, uncertainty is a condition of life.
Tolerance for ambiguity comes at the expense of clarity. But the rewards are rich. We're more able to shift gears,experiment, be more flexible, take in new information that we'd otherwise reject, and a situation develop before pulling the proverbial trigger. We're better able to handle risk and to make decisions without deluding ourselves into thinking we know everything there is to know. In the end,we're less anxious.
Total certainty is, at best, an illusion.
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