Support

[Aster]

I have been feeling down lately, grieving for my childhood and adulthood severely limited by undiagnosed Aspergers, Depression and Social Anxiety. I missed out on so much. Its hard to survive without supports when you need them. There was no support or diagnosis for Aspergers when I was growing up. My few friendships were short lived and confusing. Romances were tumultuous, and also brief. Many of my issues were seen as laziness and impulsiveness only to be cured by building better character and trying harder. I completed some schooling but college was increasingly stressful socially and academically. I had to drop out, and start again, several times only to ultimately give up completely, owning that its okay for me to be under-educated. Currently, I have no friends, and feel unsure if I want or need any. I have a girlfriend but feel doubts about where our relationship is going because I never felt that marriage or children was in my best interest. My family acts uncertain of my late diagnosis, although they did of course witness my emotional issues growing up.

I am currently enrolled in some psychiatry and am waiting on an antidepressant to do its job. Tomorrow I will attend a social group for Aspies for the second time which I nervously look forward to. Some scoff at those who would get diagnosed in adulthood, and I feel some of this from my family. Others call adults with a late diagnosis, survivors. I feel like I have survived, but at times not much more. Thanks for the support that I have felt since arriving here, its a big help really.

 

[watersprite]

Your post brought up so much thought, that I went around and round, & could not decide how to respond. So, just will say that I am grateful for AC. Your experiences as written here echo many of mine. Hope the meds help and the group could turn out to be good comraderie. Good post.

 

[Datura]

*hugs* I hope your treatment works and you start to feel better.

 

[Annayoung]

You're not alone in how you feel. I currently feel this way right now. Iam glad you have help . Things can only get better .

 

[Aster]

Thank you Kestrel, Anna, Datura. Your replies are the beginnings of the support I need. I hope you too have help or can access it. Things will get better

 

[Datura]

Life is like a rollercoaster, I find, an eternal struggle to find homeostasis. I don't mean to sound bleak, but I believe that in understanding that we are better prepared to ride out the hard times.

 

[Progster]

Yes, that pretty much sums up how I feel about my life, too. I'm glad that there are support options available to you, and I hope that they help you. And of course, we will always be here on AC.

 

[Naturalist]

I have been feeling down lately, grieving for my childhood and adulthood severely limited by undiagnosed Aspergers, Depression and Social Anxiety. I missed out on so much. Its hard to survive without supports when you need them. There was no support or diagnosis for Aspergers when I was growing up. My few friendships were short lived and confusing. Romances were tumultuous, and also brief. Many of my issues were seen as laziness and impulsiveness only to be cured by building better character and trying harder. I completed some schooling but college was increasingly stressful socially and academically. I had to drop out, and start again, several times only to ultimately give up completely, owning that its okay for me to be under-educated. Currently, I have no friends, and feel unsure if I want or need any. I have a girlfriend but feel doubts about where our relationship is going because I never felt that marriage or children was in my best interest. My family acts uncertain of my late diagnosis, although they did of course witness my emotional issues growing up.

... Some scoff at those who would get diagnosed in adulthood, and I feel some of this from my family. Others call adults with a late diagnosis, survivors. I feel like I have survived, but at times not much more. Thanks for the support that I have felt since arriving here, its a big help really.

This sounds like so much of my own experience. The last few years have been getting gradually better, since I am in therapy and working on an "official" diagnosis. Also, my outlook is improved by the fact that I am not alone in this experience, I hope that is the same for you!

One thing about college: I had the same experience you did, starting and then stressing out and dropping out many, many times. I finally took the minimum number of classes required for part time each semester, and after 14 years of trying, completed my degree. Am now considering a masters program! I think it could be even easier now that so many programs are offered online, because a lot of my difficulty was exacerbated by the fact that I have many days where I can't bear the thought of being in a room with other students. Some classes I got poor grades not because my work was lacking, but because I found the attendance policies unaccommodating. I hope if this is a personal goal you will not give up just yet--after some therapy you may identify certain needs you have which can be accommodated by certain programs more than others.

 

[Aster]

Thanks, Naturalist for your thoughts. You're an inspiration, persevering with college the way you did. You really put a lot on the line, and succeeded. Its not a priority now for me to finish school. Unfortunately its been too long for me and I would have to start at the beginning because they erase your credits after so long. I'm okay with where I am. Sometimes that is the best route to take, being okay with not being able to do something. As for talk therapy, I'm actually putting that aside as well. The counselor I did have didn't seem to have a grasp on what to do with an Aspie client. I have been through years of therapy in the past and am feeling dubious about it at the moment. So I am solely working with meds now and the groups. The official diagnosis did help me in a way. I also have obsessions and compulsions, and with that comes a lot of doubt. I can easily find myself doubting the diagnosis and when I start thinking that way things get very confusing and distressing. It doesn't help that it still isn't recognized well by the mental health industry, and there aren't tried and tested therapies being dispensed. But I am hopeful and fairly stable in my day to day life so for that I can find some contentment.