Not sure if it has been successful, it is an ongoing process and we have come a long way towards working things out. I am male and am on the spectrum. My partner and I have tried three different couples counselors, the last of whom had extensive experience with people on the spectrum, the others did not, though one said that one of her clients had Aspergers. I was very reluctant, but also very interested in the process to save our relationship. My reluctance was mainly from the fear that I would be identified as the problem, and the sessions would be about me.
The first therapist (the one who said she had an Aspie client) stressed a results oriented approach, had a program and used a very aggressive style (to my mind) that put me in shut down mode right away. I felt like I was the problem, as I feared, and we got nowhere. In fact, things got worse. This person was even recommended to me by a previous therapist.
The second was more of an attempt to see if we still even wanted to try and work things out. He was mild mannered, very fair minded, gave us each equal time, and mainly helped by summarizing each of our concerns and finding middle ground. He was very effective at keeping emotions in their proper place. I found those sessions valuable, and they helped us both. We would have liked to see him for additional sessions, but it was a bit of a journey to get to his office.
The last therapist was the one with experience with ASD, she worked well with me, and I felt we delved into a lot of our issues, allowing us both to listen and be heard. But by the end, my partner was feeling like our therapist was siding with me, or defending me and that she wasn't given time to really get to the heart of what she thought was our problems. (I recall several sessions where she did almost all of the talking, and I listened and responded.) Since this therapist got so much of the background issues I/we struggle with, I have continued to work with her individually.
So it has been a mixed bag, but the process brought a lot of clarity. In the end, I'm not sure that we had the same objectives in mind throughout the process. I wanted for us to reach a better understanding of each other, renegotiate some of our previous assumptions around our relationship. I still get the strong sense that my partner wishes I would just get my act together and be normal. We are still together (it has been a year since our last round of sessions), continue to have problems, though they have lessened in intensity and frequency, and have been enjoying our time together more. We have decided to proceed with our lives together, not let our differences stop us from moving forward, even with the possibility that we might not stay together.
I would encourage you to give it a try, and not feel you have to commit to a particular therapist: commit to your relationship, to your partner. It may be hard to find one who works well for both of you, but you'll have to work that out together. Best of luck.
