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struggling to find a personality
- Thread starter Voltaic
- Start date
Well I used to do all this, I am 54 years old and started trying to learn 'how to fit into conversation' when I was 2 and failed badly with dramatic and lifelong consequences. But I was fortunate in my early adult years that I had people around that I didn't have to adapt to too much to in order to spend time with them, But when I changed my lifestyle I lost my place in the outside world, (and became housebound with CFS for 20 years now). In this time I have come to change my views about this 'culture of personality' as I call it. We have to be interesting and 'be someone' to contribute- but in the end does it have any value??? I am not interesting person, but am interested in life, I made my life's work to observe communications and the behaviours of the people around me in order to get along, and 'help' people !!! However, I learned so much, my huge sub-conscious mind logged everything so when I becames old enough and aware enough to put it all in context I had a major revelation or 500.
These days I prefer to try to cultivate empathy, compassion and peace rather than be a person to fit in with 'normal', I gave up trying to be normal when I found out what it really is- and I dont like it, there are many faults in being an Aspie too- but they are not better, or worse, we are all human and faulty. Learn to discern. I came into healing in order to develop communication skills for people in my life, but now after a tumultuous journey, I've arrived at not necessarily being 'myself' (as 'self' is a concoction). Really, the thing is -to aspire to is your own values- what you think is right, and try to not offend- but some people make a life out of being offended- there's no pleasing them, so you cant judge yourself by people around you until you've established what their values and expectations in life are. I could write a book about 'assumptions' we all should assume less and observe more, and question kindly. And I found that by following the people around me when I was young was, in fact aspiring downwards and backwards. Lies and manipulations are not clever, playing with people (just for a laugh) and bullying are not indiciations of superiority- all things I was fooled into as a child. The world with it's fast paced demands is not always correct.
These days I prefer to try to cultivate empathy, compassion and peace rather than be a person to fit in with 'normal', I gave up trying to be normal when I found out what it really is- and I dont like it, there are many faults in being an Aspie too- but they are not better, or worse, we are all human and faulty. Learn to discern. I came into healing in order to develop communication skills for people in my life, but now after a tumultuous journey, I've arrived at not necessarily being 'myself' (as 'self' is a concoction). Really, the thing is -to aspire to is your own values- what you think is right, and try to not offend- but some people make a life out of being offended- there's no pleasing them, so you cant judge yourself by people around you until you've established what their values and expectations in life are. I could write a book about 'assumptions' we all should assume less and observe more, and question kindly. And I found that by following the people around me when I was young was, in fact aspiring downwards and backwards. Lies and manipulations are not clever, playing with people (just for a laugh) and bullying are not indiciations of superiority- all things I was fooled into as a child. The world with it's fast paced demands is not always correct.
It's imteresting to think of 'personality' across different coumtries.
Japanese or chinese versus western.
I always go back to descartes when I think of this, the idea of mind-body duality.
The beginning,perhaps, od the modern aggrandisement of the 'mind' to the rejection of perhaps a more holistic and inclusive world view.
The mind creating a grabby 'me,me,me' greedy society, stemming from a trend from this one idea.
And now look at us.
Yes, we are very mind focussed in the west, and there is a need to be 'popular', our evaluation is from other people and how many we know- but without considering the quality of the friendships or the depth- I'd rather have a few good ones than hundreds of bad ones. And this 'personality'- I'm so... this or that -I I I -it is very ego led, and acievement competition oriented and not really necessary for a decent life, just a different type of life not measured in quantity or largeness or achievements.
My healing began with stuff from the far east, meditations and philosophies from China and Tibet (I have to keep on the point here) and in meditation they put the focus of the breathing onto the lower abdomen, which for a family and heart centerd culture (as opposed to their government) makes sense. but in the west adopting these techniques -breathing like that only accentuates the ego ..... It is better to focus on the heart area and breath into there, especially if you have anxiety and poor connection. Healing does not make you popular, but more real, and a small real life is my preference.
My healing began with stuff from the far east, meditations and philosophies from China and Tibet (I have to keep on the point here) and in meditation they put the focus of the breathing onto the lower abdomen, which for a family and heart centerd culture (as opposed to their government) makes sense. but in the west adopting these techniques -breathing like that only accentuates the ego ..... It is better to focus on the heart area and breath into there, especially if you have anxiety and poor connection. Healing does not make you popular, but more real, and a small real life is my preference.
Bro'Freak
Well-Known Member
At times I've struggled with feeling confident in who I am & I guess it's a normal part of being human.
I'm reminded of the following pic when I think back to the methods I gravitated to as I grew my internal
sense of purpose which was a way to fix my minds foundations.
I'm reminded of the following pic when I think back to the methods I gravitated to as I grew my internal
sense of purpose which was a way to fix my minds foundations.
It took me a while to find a personality up until I was 23 years old when I started to take up rapping and made myself known to a Hip Hop scene.
In the end, I continued to rap for 12 years straight and ended up with a great personality. Became known as an Aspie who loved the music, being part of that scene and been known to love wearing tracksuits to every show.
I haven't been into much Hip Hop lately, I ended up with a good personality with my works, the rapper who never wore anything else besides tracksuits to most people in the scene.
In the end, I continued to rap for 12 years straight and ended up with a great personality. Became known as an Aspie who loved the music, being part of that scene and been known to love wearing tracksuits to every show.
I haven't been into much Hip Hop lately, I ended up with a good personality with my works, the rapper who never wore anything else besides tracksuits to most people in the scene.
It does take time to feel confident with who you are especially as Aspies we are often denied this from the first day we speak, they try to hide us or change us. It's knowing that we are valid and can contribute even if not in the standard way, knowing the truth is tantamount for a stable foundation, truth is everything.
Truth is not relative, or subjective as taught in universities these days (apparently). It is not random either as 'the world' seems to think- our actions and attitudes affect our destiny, no matter what your health condition or brain disorder, it's your soul that directs your destiny even if the ego drives you in the 'world'.
As for these 10 'non-commandments', not sure how real or reactive they are, or where they come from, but here are my thoughts on them:
3) The scientific method is useful and interesting, I come from science, at school and as a hobby and interest, I am not a scientist though- I just have that type of outlook. However useful it is to understand things in this way, science doesn't show you how to 'know' stuff, it's all about evidence. Some things do exist or happen without evidence or witnesses. Astrophysicists have been searching space and the heavens for centuries and recently (within the last 20 years or so I guess) have decided that after exploring 0.1% of the universe "there is no God". What about the other 99.9%??? Then others have discovered "an infinite consistent yet unmeasurable energy that surrounds all natural bodies in space", and call it a type of 'coupling constant', but without a point of reference or source they can identify. One scientist spoke out and said it was God. (but not like Higgs Boson) Richard Dawkins is changing his mind...
What we believe or perceive may not always be true, Medieval humanity thought the earth was flat until evidence. The Bible says it's round, and it was started to be written about 1500 BC. When the establishment believed that the earth moved around the sun, they killed Galileo for saying it was the other way around- centuries later we find Galileo to be correct. Belief is not always true.
4) Can you really control your body? I used to try, and I suppose you can to a certain degree, but the body can let you down, get ill and broken- it cant be trusted without proper respect. I was a fit person, outdoor type until I got CFS now I cannot rely on my body- some days it does things for me other days it doesn't.
5) All good comes from God. There is nothing good without God. Without God all is dark and fearful. God is light and chases all your foes away, including anxiety.
9) Considering this list has 6 out of 10 things from the Bible the author is looking for a right way to live. And whatever you find that for yourself; the Spiritual Law of 'Karma', or 'reap what you sow' is always in action, it's like Spiritual 'physics' (operates on the same patterns, inasmuch as can be determined by a human being). Your soul and attitude determine your destiny. You cannot control your life, but you can make it as best as it can be.
God hates deception and corruption, God loves Aspies, we have the right type of childlike observances without influence from the world's culture ( I'm not against culture, but it's part of life not the whole thing as it was for me before). There is a greater power who really cares, if you can trust.
I was in my late twenties when I finally stopped trying to act like I thought people wanted me to act, and started just being me.
Then I found out people liked me a lot better when I was being genuine. Before, they never realized I was “faking”, but I lacked spontaneity.
I’m not a master of social interaction by any means, I still struggle with small talk and have a bit of an inferiority complex when talking socially to female coworkers because I feel inadequate compared to them. I prefer talking to men, my personal style is just better suited to men or non-girly women.
Then I found out people liked me a lot better when I was being genuine. Before, they never realized I was “faking”, but I lacked spontaneity.
I’m not a master of social interaction by any means, I still struggle with small talk and have a bit of an inferiority complex when talking socially to female coworkers because I feel inadequate compared to them. I prefer talking to men, my personal style is just better suited to men or non-girly women.
Bro'Freak
Well-Known Member
I have to say that my view of God for want of a better description means Good. If there was an actual almighty... well I'm more inclined to think Aliens, (Ancient homonid dinosoaurs / Extra Solar )
The stuff we've been taught, well it's actually known a fair part is crap, The book of Enoch is interesting though as it could be read as a Sci-Fi novel.. & it was used in the original Biblical cannon (not saying i believe it)... after saying that I'll add I've started to read "Arthur Findlay - The Curse Of Ignorance" not sure what nuggets i'll find in this tomb..
Yes God is good, and I think if aliens actually did exist they would be bacterial. Some of the Bible does seem like sci-fi, but then the sci-fi I used to read and watch was 'prophetic'. Like Kurt Vonnegut, and 'Do Androids dream of ElectricSheep' that became Bladerunner film that seemed to miss the point but get some 'style if it could be called that).Then other films like Escape from New York and 'The Island'.
I'm a Bible christian but not a theologian, I live amongst 'the curse of ignorance' daily!!!!
Otenba
Maverick
I think when someone tries too much to meet others standards, it can make you lose track of who you are to yourself. I agree that finding others that are easier to cope with will help a lot, but finding them can be difficult. I wasn't aware of possibly being autistic at 19 so not sure how I would have dealt with it. I did stay in the library a lot and met some friendly faces there. One of them even went on to discover they're autistic after having their first child. Maybe looking at a hobby related club will help. Best wishes to you.
