Still waiting for a first date..

[Butterfly88]

You are not alone. I am in my early 20s and only date was with a guy at school in 5th grade (he was also on the spectrum). Right now I'm not currently looking for a date but I might accept if someone were to ask me out.

Also, have you heard of www.spectrumsingles.com ? It's a dating website for people on the spectrum.

 

[wanderer03]

Hi all,

I'm in my late twenties and still waiting for a first date. I've tried everything from making the first move to waiting for other people to make the first move, to forgetting about it completely in the hope it will happen 'when I'm not expecting it', as a lot of people seem suggest it will. Whilst I don't expect to have necessarily found 'the one' yet, I don't understand why nothing at all is happening - no dates, no romantic or sexual contact whatsoever and yet plenty of looks, good chemistry and pleasant conversations that lead to nothing.
A relationship won't define whether my life is successful, but I feel sad that I'm not getting the chance to experience it, and I'd like to know why not.
Is anyone else going through the same? I feel like the only person.

You have youth on your side! You're on nobody's time table. I didn't begin dating until my early to mid-thirties. Dating is a numbers game. The more you go on, the more you learn what it is you're actually looking for for. Don't sweat it. They don't call it "The Dating Game" for nothing. :-D

 

[Zarazai]

Personally, I've been on a few dates and been in two relationships up to this point (I'm 17 with Asperger's) and looking to go into another really soon. There is some circumstance related to having the chance of going into a relationship. For me, I have to make the first verbal move to ask them out. I don't know what you gotta do, but I hope this somehow helps.

 

[wolfbrother]

Hi all,

I'm in my late twenties and still waiting for a first date. I've tried everything from making the first move to waiting for other people to make the first move, to forgetting about it completely in the hope it will happen 'when I'm not expecting it', as a lot of people seem suggest it will. Whilst I don't expect to have necessarily found 'the one' yet, I don't understand why nothing at all is happening - no dates, no romantic or sexual contact whatsoever and yet plenty of looks, good chemistry and pleasant conversations that lead to nothing.
A relationship won't define whether my life is successful, but I feel sad that I'm not getting the chance to experience it, and I'd like to know why not.
Is anyone else going through the same? I feel like the only person.

Be patientgo to religious groups there a some aspergers there lol and you will date ,love and prefer them to common people! I am on my 31 and haven't had a normal relationship even ndating with aspergers is difficult, not with common ones, but remember that you know your condition!

 

[FromEquestria2LA]

OP: I am 29, and have had only ONE date. So, I do sympathize with you. Right now, I'm interested in a girl who's from the Eastern US, and I am out in the West, and I donno how to approach her. Woe is me....

 

[Lena_C]

Yes, I've dabbled in online dating over the years but stopped because of the chronic lying that goes on there. Everyone I got to know on a dating site turned out to be lying about something - their age, their relationship status, even small needless lies about their day job or where they went to school. In turn, the people who met me on there asked why I 'needed online dating' and said there must be a catch! I signed up to a couple of aspie dating sites but there's hardly anyone on there living in the UK, never mind London. It's a shame because I'd love to meet an aspie guy.

Well, even Aspie could lie too.
It just happened on me a moment ago.

 

[korbin]

I didn't try dating till I has 18 and I failed miserably at it. I tried again last year and it went okay but still end. I feel better that I tried and succeeded. I hope to try again soon but it's hard for me to meet people, I have no clue how to communicate interest in dating someone.

 

[Judge]

I didn't try dating till I has 18 and I failed miserably at it. I tried again last year and it went okay but still end. I feel better that I tried and succeeded. I hope to try again soon but it's hard for me to meet people, I have no clue how to communicate interest in dating someone.

I've never been able to overcome all the expectations, pressures, rituals and unwritten rules associated with the social convention of dating. At an early point in my life I elected to sidestep the whole thing in developing friendships with the opposite sex who may or may not have the potential of becoming something more.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

I didn't try dating till I has 18 and I failed miserably at it. I tried again last year and it went okay but still end. I feel better that I tried and succeeded. I hope to try again soon but it's hard for me to meet people, I have no clue how to communicate interest in dating someone.

good luck in the future mate

 

[pineman93]

I've never dated anyone to date Though I would like to,I do feel a bit lonely at times, as well i feel the need to have something along the lines of a romantic relationship ,I would be kind of scared because i would not be sure what to do, I do have some ideas how things might function from what I have observed through out my life so far,I have my doubts about how good I would be at have a relationship or dating someone but I will give it my best shot and if it doesn't work out well the first time it is always a learning experience

 

[Ariel]

It's difficult because the whole of society revolves around pair bonding and it's like a daily smack in the face for long-term single people who wish they had someone (holidays for couples, tables for two, meal deals for two, invitations + 1..). My friends can afford to rent a whole house with their partner whilst I pay to squat in people's spare rooms and try not to get in the way of their family life.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

but I will give it my best shot and if it doesn't work out well the first time it is always a learning experience

i think you said something very important pineman even if it doesn't work out its always a learning experience (not just the first time) which will help in the future.

It's difficult because the whole of society revolves around pair bonding and it's like a daily smack in the face for long-term single people who wish they had someone (holidays for couples, tables for two, meal deals for two, invitations + 1..). My friends can afford to rent a whole house with their partner whilst I pay to squat in people's spare rooms and try not to get in the way of their family life.

yeah i agree it can be difficult the way society parades relationships around. renting with family's can be cheaper and it can be nice becoming friends with the family you stay with (my parents always let other people stay with us) there are always positives to everything.

 

[Maelstrom]

I made it to a coffee date once with a aspie...didn't do that well...it was off my home turf and all the new things crowded my mind a little and I wasn't feeling well either. But I did try...and tried to be open minded about things. I no longer have a game plan on dating out comes, or whom to date, with the differences I am sort of shafted from all directions May & December...Aspie & NT...I'm just hoping some girl shows up who likes me enough to make it work somehow.

Wishing on a wing and a prayer basically.

Hoping for some one warm and kind.

 

[jamhd]

Confidence is also a good quality men look for in women. The brainy, straight face types are a turn off. A positive self image screams "I love being me!" and if you look like you enjoy yourself, men will want to know why, and you may have to start telling them to 'take a number'. This same advice applies to men looking for women (perhaps more so).

I am definitely more attracted to straight faced brainy types than happy go lucky types.

I only say that because I think that everyone is someone's type.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

I am definitely more attracted to straight faced brainy types than happy go lucky types.

I only say that because I think that everyone is someone's type.

so true.

 

[Bellatrix]

Hi all,

I'm in my late twenties and still waiting for a first date. I've tried everything from making the first move to waiting for other people to make the first move, to forgetting about it completely in the hope it will happen 'when I'm not expecting it', as a lot of people seem suggest it will. Whilst I don't expect to have necessarily found 'the one' yet, I don't understand why nothing at all is happening - no dates, no romantic or sexual contact whatsoever and yet plenty of looks, good chemistry and pleasant conversations that lead to nothing.
A relationship won't define whether my life is successful, but I feel sad that I'm not getting the chance to experience it, and I'd like to know why not.
Is anyone else going through the same? I feel like the only person.

No, you are definitely not alone. I'm in my late 40's and still haven't been on a date. It used to bother me a lot, but now I just don't care anymore. Maybe it's because I've grown accustomed to being this way, or it could be the case that most people become apathetic regarding romance when they reach middle-age. Who knows? I certainly don't.

 

[mikemike]

Perhaps you are 'too perfect' in some respect and they find you 'intimidating'. I would have been thrilled to death if a cute young woman had asked me out when I was single! Unfortunately, many guys do not like it when a woman initiates. I guess it makes them feel 'less masculine' in some respect.

Gotta disagree personally. I love it when a girl goes after me. Makes "the game" so much easier. I am quite unsuccessfully going after women. Generally, when the go after me is when things work out for me.

 

[Maelstrom]

So interesting reading about everyone's experiences! I have asked guys out without using the word 'date'. I've suggested meeting for coffee or going to events that we're both interested in. Most of the time it doesn't get this far and if it does, the guy will make an excuse. Then the following day he'll recommence flirting! I've had conversations with much older men (i.e; men I wouldn't be looking to date) about having never been asked out. They don't believe me and say I could have 'any guy I wanted'. Little do they know!

Guys are spooked sometimes by a girl asking Ariel ,but if they flirt the next time they see you you might get a yes, if you ask in a easygoing way.

 

[Maelstrom]

Yes, I've dabbled in online dating over the years but stopped because of the chronic lying that goes on there. Everyone I got to know on a dating site turned out to be lying about something - their age, their relationship status, even small needless lies about their day job or where they went to school. In turn, the people who met me on there asked why I 'needed online dating' and said there must be a catch! I signed up to a couple of aspie dating sites but there's hardly anyone on there living in the UK, never mind London. It's a shame because I'd love to meet an aspie guy.

The online dating sites seem to have a lot of bait and switch con artists on them, usery of some sort planned, bleeding heart scams, green card scams, age scams, emotional vampire scams, and other bad things. It is hard to see who is real and not playing games.
I would like to date a H/F aspie or auti of some sort I don't fit in with NTs my age I look and act too young.
But like you Ariel ,they are hard to find where I live every one is too far away. Sigh! or not available for some reason?
I hate being alone, and I hate dating too.

 

[mikemike]

The online dating sites seem to have a lot of bait and switch cons artists on them, usery of some sort planned, bleeding heart scams, green card scams, age scams, emotional vampire scams, and other bad things. It is hard to see who is real and not playing games.
I would like to date a H/F aspie or auti of some sort I don't fit in with NTs my age I look and act too young.
But like you Ariel ,they are hard to find where I live every one is too far away. Sigh! or not available for some reason?
I hate being alone, and I hate dating too.

Dating sucks, and my issue is it takes me a while to open up and relax and be myself. I'm a nervous wreck the first few times seeing someone. Once I get over that hump, I'm fine.