My baseline energy level is almost always low. I also have consistent blunted affect. There are normally only two exceptions -- either I'm really terrified about something in a PTSD-response context, or I'm really energized as a result of some special interest. The latter sounds like a good thing, except that my system is so unaccustomed to having energy that often the instinctive response to this sudden influx of energy when engaging with, or particularly when discovering/getting reacquainted with a special interest, is "omg all this energy I don't know what to do with it ahhhhhhhh *freakout*"
I'm also afraid of burnout, so the combination of this and the above makes it such that sometimes when a new special interest appears, I am cautious and even uncertain whether or not I should engage with it at all, or just let it hang around in the background and see whether or not it goes away on its own after a while. (If it doesn't go away or keeps coming back, then I feel slightly less worried about the burnout aspect.)
Is this weird? Like, I never have energy, and I really do need to have some sources of energy, but I'm also scared of energy when it does appear. Is anyone else like this?
I'm also afraid of burnout, so the combination of this and the above makes it such that sometimes when a new special interest appears, I am cautious and even uncertain whether or not I should engage with it at all, or just let it hang around in the background and see whether or not it goes away on its own after a while. (If it doesn't go away or keeps coming back, then I feel slightly less worried about the burnout aspect.)
Is this weird? Like, I never have energy, and I really do need to have some sources of energy, but I'm also scared of energy when it does appear. Is anyone else like this?