I was 46 years old when I first half heartedly asked "I'm I on the spectrum too?"
It all began when I started dating a lovely lady who is on the spectrum. She was diagnosed with asperges syndrome after her son was first diagnosed with autism when he was young. She said that to her, her son seemed "Normal" so she had never considered autism, or that she could be on the spectrum too. Now to others, her son was definately not "Normal" as one could tell there was something different about him, even if one did not know what it was. She did appear more normal in many ways so it would have been harder for an outsider to pick up on her traits, other than if one got to know her, and her family as her family were different though most people may not fathom out why... (A bit like most of my family to be honest and I say this in a nice way).
Now when I first met her in person, as we had been chatting online via a site we were both on for a long time, and as she mentioned she had asperges syndrome, it was a good idea to try and find out from her what that meant, and what were the differences between herself and someone who didn't have asperges syndrome (Which at the time as I was completely unaware of what it was, I assumed I was in that catagory).
When she tried to explain, everything she said did not make sense as everything seemed "Normal" to me in my daily life in how I also did things. Only one thing she said where she shared she has her one language in her head, and she translates English into her language in order to understand it... Well I said "You are on your own with that one!" as I joked with her... But I had so many similar traits as her that I honestly was puzzled what asperges syndrome was, as I was trying to pick out what was different....
Then a thought came to mind... One of those thoughts I said in humour while we were walking and chatting and getting along fine (We had been "Dating" online for months and for a few years before that were having loads of friendly chats), and I was not expecting her to take me seriously as I half jokingly said it... And she said something like "We can find out online", and we went to my Mums house where we could use the computer, and she brought up one of those questionares up to see if I am likely to be on the spectrum or not, and while filling it in, some questions even she did not know what it was, so I answered "No" to the ones I did not understand (Which I now realize I should have said "Yes" to, but when one does not know what terms like masking or skimming mean, and as others had diagnosed her, and she was not aware of the terms herself, even then the results still came up with an on the spectrum result which stated "See a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a doctor" which I did not know what a psychologist was (Though when I was seven unknown to my parents, I had seen one in my school, as a new teacher had picked up on something, and I had to lie like anything so I would not be taken away to a "Special school"...), but I did not know what that man's title actually did, but the others... Well... I was thinking about my doctor who was locally known as "Dr Paracetamol" as whatever ailment one went in it was "Take a paracetamol and go to bed..." We even joked of someone coming into see him holding their severed leg in their hands and him repeating the same phrase that he always said to patients... Actually very much doubted he had a qualification at all, as many doctors ended up on the NHS at the time in Wales through taking a plane out to India and buying a qualification for a couple of thousand pounds which was then accepted on the NHS which was the done thing in the medical profession at the time where it was said that many a son of a GP would go down that route if his father thought he would not succeed, and they would tell their friends etc. Something was "Fishy" when all the younger GP's had to call in the older knowledgeable one to identify chicken pox spots, as they did not know what they were. 99% of the time, the doctors asked symptoms, turned to their computer, typed in the symptoms to see what the computer said, or in the case of this doctor, it was "Take a paracetamol and go to bed".
So I never did follow up on things at the time, as I imagined my then doctors reply. (Used to take many months to get an appointment anyway after months of phoning so was hardly a point! Fast forwards, and I had my heart violently leap up and down and I was stuck on the floor for three quarters of an hour feeling cut in half. The cut in half feeling remained with me for six months. I asked and asked the receptionist if I should go to hospital and she said loudly "No way do you go up to the hospital for that". (The doctors surgery had been fined and seriously criticized as so many patients had bypassed them and gone to the hospital to be checked out as no one could get doctors appointments. So eight and a half months after this incident where I was daily phoning and all appointments were continually gone by the time I got through after a few hours of trying to get through each day, I finally had an appointment, and my doctor severely told me off for not seeing him sooner and he said "I can do nothing now!" and sent me out the door. I was shocked and speechless as it was his surgery who was solely responsible for the delay!
So I changed NHS doctors surgeries and it was like coming out of the third world and into the modern world as not only could I get appointments, the two lady doctors there actually had medical knowledge even though on the side of autism, I found it to be limited. But at least they did their very best, and I am greatful to them!
Now I used to have my blood pressure too low, but when these doctors checked it was too high, so they wanted me in for regular checks. So I tried to ask ifI could be on the spectrum. I tried ad tried and tried but eac time I hit mindlank and had to divert my mind to talk about my "Default setting" wich waste talk about potential allergies instead as my mind could "Click" back in.
Anyway. I eventually became so asked with myself that after teo years of trying to ask and I happened to see the "Ask an Autistic" thing on prosopragnosia via YouTube which I know I sometimes have along with my Mum as we have had some funny faceblind moments in the past!... and I was determined to ask! I brought my Mum in with me with instructions to take over if I hit mindblank so she could ask. And I didn't realize there was an assessment. So I was accepted and placed on the waiting list, and after 4 years of waiting I moved to a different NHS area, so I was then fast tracked so after four and a half years I was assessed, and yes I do have autism.
But looking back on my life and I used to see autistic people and somehow I know somehow that I connected with them. When the other kids made fun of them I wouldn't. I may laugh and joke with them but never at them, as somehow deep down I understood them.
It all began when I started dating a lovely lady who is on the spectrum. She was diagnosed with asperges syndrome after her son was first diagnosed with autism when he was young. She said that to her, her son seemed "Normal" so she had never considered autism, or that she could be on the spectrum too. Now to others, her son was definately not "Normal" as one could tell there was something different about him, even if one did not know what it was. She did appear more normal in many ways so it would have been harder for an outsider to pick up on her traits, other than if one got to know her, and her family as her family were different though most people may not fathom out why... (A bit like most of my family to be honest and I say this in a nice way).
Now when I first met her in person, as we had been chatting online via a site we were both on for a long time, and as she mentioned she had asperges syndrome, it was a good idea to try and find out from her what that meant, and what were the differences between herself and someone who didn't have asperges syndrome (Which at the time as I was completely unaware of what it was, I assumed I was in that catagory).
When she tried to explain, everything she said did not make sense as everything seemed "Normal" to me in my daily life in how I also did things. Only one thing she said where she shared she has her one language in her head, and she translates English into her language in order to understand it... Well I said "You are on your own with that one!" as I joked with her... But I had so many similar traits as her that I honestly was puzzled what asperges syndrome was, as I was trying to pick out what was different....
Then a thought came to mind... One of those thoughts I said in humour while we were walking and chatting and getting along fine (We had been "Dating" online for months and for a few years before that were having loads of friendly chats), and I was not expecting her to take me seriously as I half jokingly said it... And she said something like "We can find out online", and we went to my Mums house where we could use the computer, and she brought up one of those questionares up to see if I am likely to be on the spectrum or not, and while filling it in, some questions even she did not know what it was, so I answered "No" to the ones I did not understand (Which I now realize I should have said "Yes" to, but when one does not know what terms like masking or skimming mean, and as others had diagnosed her, and she was not aware of the terms herself, even then the results still came up with an on the spectrum result which stated "See a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a doctor" which I did not know what a psychologist was (Though when I was seven unknown to my parents, I had seen one in my school, as a new teacher had picked up on something, and I had to lie like anything so I would not be taken away to a "Special school"...), but I did not know what that man's title actually did, but the others... Well... I was thinking about my doctor who was locally known as "Dr Paracetamol" as whatever ailment one went in it was "Take a paracetamol and go to bed..." We even joked of someone coming into see him holding their severed leg in their hands and him repeating the same phrase that he always said to patients... Actually very much doubted he had a qualification at all, as many doctors ended up on the NHS at the time in Wales through taking a plane out to India and buying a qualification for a couple of thousand pounds which was then accepted on the NHS which was the done thing in the medical profession at the time where it was said that many a son of a GP would go down that route if his father thought he would not succeed, and they would tell their friends etc. Something was "Fishy" when all the younger GP's had to call in the older knowledgeable one to identify chicken pox spots, as they did not know what they were. 99% of the time, the doctors asked symptoms, turned to their computer, typed in the symptoms to see what the computer said, or in the case of this doctor, it was "Take a paracetamol and go to bed".
So I never did follow up on things at the time, as I imagined my then doctors reply. (Used to take many months to get an appointment anyway after months of phoning so was hardly a point! Fast forwards, and I had my heart violently leap up and down and I was stuck on the floor for three quarters of an hour feeling cut in half. The cut in half feeling remained with me for six months. I asked and asked the receptionist if I should go to hospital and she said loudly "No way do you go up to the hospital for that". (The doctors surgery had been fined and seriously criticized as so many patients had bypassed them and gone to the hospital to be checked out as no one could get doctors appointments. So eight and a half months after this incident where I was daily phoning and all appointments were continually gone by the time I got through after a few hours of trying to get through each day, I finally had an appointment, and my doctor severely told me off for not seeing him sooner and he said "I can do nothing now!" and sent me out the door. I was shocked and speechless as it was his surgery who was solely responsible for the delay!
So I changed NHS doctors surgeries and it was like coming out of the third world and into the modern world as not only could I get appointments, the two lady doctors there actually had medical knowledge even though on the side of autism, I found it to be limited. But at least they did their very best, and I am greatful to them!
Now I used to have my blood pressure too low, but when these doctors checked it was too high, so they wanted me in for regular checks. So I tried to ask ifI could be on the spectrum. I tried ad tried and tried but eac time I hit mindlank and had to divert my mind to talk about my "Default setting" wich waste talk about potential allergies instead as my mind could "Click" back in.
Anyway. I eventually became so asked with myself that after teo years of trying to ask and I happened to see the "Ask an Autistic" thing on prosopragnosia via YouTube which I know I sometimes have along with my Mum as we have had some funny faceblind moments in the past!... and I was determined to ask! I brought my Mum in with me with instructions to take over if I hit mindblank so she could ask. And I didn't realize there was an assessment. So I was accepted and placed on the waiting list, and after 4 years of waiting I moved to a different NHS area, so I was then fast tracked so after four and a half years I was assessed, and yes I do have autism.
But looking back on my life and I used to see autistic people and somehow I know somehow that I connected with them. When the other kids made fun of them I wouldn't. I may laugh and joke with them but never at them, as somehow deep down I understood them.
