So, yeah, some things that have been happening for me in the last couple of months...
I still have yet to have the, uh, gender discussion with family. So that's been a downer. But I had an abrupt realization a couple of weeks back: I'd fallen into some bad habits, and fallen OUT of some good ones. And I hadnt really realized this, because I has the dumb sometimes. These habits were mostly health related. I wasnt drinking nearly enough water (again), wasnt eating enough either, and some other things too, like just sitting in one place too long, you know, getting overly absorbed in something I'm doing, that kind of thing.
So, it was time to just make some changes. Got my thermos thing out and cleaned as for some reason it's MUCH easier to stick to a water regimen when I have that (I have no idea why). I made a dietary change, which was to add some fruit in, something that was pretty much 100% missing. Mostly applesauce and bananas right now. Every day. I'd forgotten how much I liked those. And I was surprised what a difference it made. One of my most persistent health issues (of the sort you'd not want to hear about) cleared up pretty much overnight, and just in general, I feel... so much better. Not that it's like 100% super perfect, but still, the difference is like night and day.
Also been trying to follow my therapist's advice: if I'm starting to feel down, or more importantly, feeling like an anxiety spike (or sensory overload) is starting, I gotta shift what I'm doing. She gave me the idea of doing like, a countdown from 5, and then when I hit zero, it's "DO something". Doesnt matter what. Just anything, so long as it's something that's going to occupy my mind. If it's the sort of "just turn your brain off" kind of activity, that aint gonna help, because that's still just more time to focus on whatever was getting at me. I aint exactly perfect at this, anxiety is a tough monster to fight, but still, progress is getting made there. The best thing that I can do when it's happening is to get in my car and go somewhere, or go nowhere at all, just roam around. I dont know why that is so effective, but not going to complain either.
And all of this was what I think is a very important lesson I need to take away from it: How in the heck can I expect to handle large challenges if I cant even get the fundamentals down? Gotta do that FIRST, not the other way around. I mean really, you dont just take a nosedive into the deep end of a pool when you're learning to swim, eh? That'd be silly. Took me ages to finally spot that one. Change isnt easy, and spotting the need to change ALSO isnt easy. But hey, I spotted it. Even if it took forever.
I've also been starting to, well, try to let the mask slip a bit. I came out over on Steam, recently. Not just to like, a couple of people in direct conversations. I mean, right on the activity feed. I had previously been just... you know, still hiding a lot. Trying to keep any signs of it from showing. But I just sorta abruptly went "heck with it" and stopped doing that. No, I dont know why. As soon as I started letting the name "Sophie" show (among other things I did or said), well... yeah. People noticed, right away. Which might not SOUND like a big deal, but there's like over 150 people on my friends list (because the reviews I write on Steam get noticed, I mean like REALLY noticed, so people come to me at times because of those). And anything shown on the feed can be seen by ALL of them. So that was a big step. Same with stuff related to my autism-related traits. Just... ya know what, it's Steam, I'm just going to let the mask fall lower with THAT too. Everyone's been super nice about all of these things. I have a therapist appointment today, I really need to remember to mention that.
In other news, a very unexpected thing has been ongoing that I havent talked about yet. All that art stuff, right? A few months back my stepmother had the idea of making cards out of it. Like the sort you'd buy in a store. There's a lot of smaller shops of all sorts in this region, and she wanted to see if maybe she could get some of them selling at one of them. Seemed a silly idea to me... who the heck would buy the stupid things? But it gave her something to do, which is important since she's been having a rough time over this last year (her mom passed away earlier in the year, she was like 93). So I'm like, sure, whatever, go ahead. I didnt think it would ACTUALLY go anywhere.
Yeah, well, it went somewhere. One of the stores accepted the deal and set up this... stand thingie. Which is just featuring the stuff I've made, card packs for sale. This was just... baffling. It's STILL baffling. I havent directly seen it myself, the store is in an area I'm somehow not yet familiar with, but still, it's there. So... that's a bit of a confidence boost, sorta. Kinda. I still tend to have the "you all hate this, dont you, stop lying" view of my stuff, which apparently isnt exactly uncommon among artists in general. And the stand itself, well... ehhh. The bit that bothers me to no end is that they put my given name on that. I dont think I need to explain at this point why that bothers me. And I cant just tell them to put "Sophie" there instead, because... arrrgh. Because argh. That's why. Bah.
But still, that's something interesting that happened. Though I still tend to have a lot of trouble coming up with ideas of just WHAT to draw, whenever it's time to do art stuff. I'm running with the heart motif through all of it though, that's become like my thing with stuff I make. So there's that, it's good to have a theme.
So... yeah, that's all of that stuff. Why am I posting this? I dunno. I think sometimes it can be helpful to sorta just tell people about the good stuff from time to time. Like, reinforcing it? Felt like doing it, so I did it, there ya go.
I still have yet to have the, uh, gender discussion with family. So that's been a downer. But I had an abrupt realization a couple of weeks back: I'd fallen into some bad habits, and fallen OUT of some good ones. And I hadnt really realized this, because I has the dumb sometimes. These habits were mostly health related. I wasnt drinking nearly enough water (again), wasnt eating enough either, and some other things too, like just sitting in one place too long, you know, getting overly absorbed in something I'm doing, that kind of thing.
So, it was time to just make some changes. Got my thermos thing out and cleaned as for some reason it's MUCH easier to stick to a water regimen when I have that (I have no idea why). I made a dietary change, which was to add some fruit in, something that was pretty much 100% missing. Mostly applesauce and bananas right now. Every day. I'd forgotten how much I liked those. And I was surprised what a difference it made. One of my most persistent health issues (of the sort you'd not want to hear about) cleared up pretty much overnight, and just in general, I feel... so much better. Not that it's like 100% super perfect, but still, the difference is like night and day.
Also been trying to follow my therapist's advice: if I'm starting to feel down, or more importantly, feeling like an anxiety spike (or sensory overload) is starting, I gotta shift what I'm doing. She gave me the idea of doing like, a countdown from 5, and then when I hit zero, it's "DO something". Doesnt matter what. Just anything, so long as it's something that's going to occupy my mind. If it's the sort of "just turn your brain off" kind of activity, that aint gonna help, because that's still just more time to focus on whatever was getting at me. I aint exactly perfect at this, anxiety is a tough monster to fight, but still, progress is getting made there. The best thing that I can do when it's happening is to get in my car and go somewhere, or go nowhere at all, just roam around. I dont know why that is so effective, but not going to complain either.
And all of this was what I think is a very important lesson I need to take away from it: How in the heck can I expect to handle large challenges if I cant even get the fundamentals down? Gotta do that FIRST, not the other way around. I mean really, you dont just take a nosedive into the deep end of a pool when you're learning to swim, eh? That'd be silly. Took me ages to finally spot that one. Change isnt easy, and spotting the need to change ALSO isnt easy. But hey, I spotted it. Even if it took forever.
I've also been starting to, well, try to let the mask slip a bit. I came out over on Steam, recently. Not just to like, a couple of people in direct conversations. I mean, right on the activity feed. I had previously been just... you know, still hiding a lot. Trying to keep any signs of it from showing. But I just sorta abruptly went "heck with it" and stopped doing that. No, I dont know why. As soon as I started letting the name "Sophie" show (among other things I did or said), well... yeah. People noticed, right away. Which might not SOUND like a big deal, but there's like over 150 people on my friends list (because the reviews I write on Steam get noticed, I mean like REALLY noticed, so people come to me at times because of those). And anything shown on the feed can be seen by ALL of them. So that was a big step. Same with stuff related to my autism-related traits. Just... ya know what, it's Steam, I'm just going to let the mask fall lower with THAT too. Everyone's been super nice about all of these things. I have a therapist appointment today, I really need to remember to mention that.
In other news, a very unexpected thing has been ongoing that I havent talked about yet. All that art stuff, right? A few months back my stepmother had the idea of making cards out of it. Like the sort you'd buy in a store. There's a lot of smaller shops of all sorts in this region, and she wanted to see if maybe she could get some of them selling at one of them. Seemed a silly idea to me... who the heck would buy the stupid things? But it gave her something to do, which is important since she's been having a rough time over this last year (her mom passed away earlier in the year, she was like 93). So I'm like, sure, whatever, go ahead. I didnt think it would ACTUALLY go anywhere.
Yeah, well, it went somewhere. One of the stores accepted the deal and set up this... stand thingie. Which is just featuring the stuff I've made, card packs for sale. This was just... baffling. It's STILL baffling. I havent directly seen it myself, the store is in an area I'm somehow not yet familiar with, but still, it's there. So... that's a bit of a confidence boost, sorta. Kinda. I still tend to have the "you all hate this, dont you, stop lying" view of my stuff, which apparently isnt exactly uncommon among artists in general. And the stand itself, well... ehhh. The bit that bothers me to no end is that they put my given name on that. I dont think I need to explain at this point why that bothers me. And I cant just tell them to put "Sophie" there instead, because... arrrgh. Because argh. That's why. Bah.
But still, that's something interesting that happened. Though I still tend to have a lot of trouble coming up with ideas of just WHAT to draw, whenever it's time to do art stuff. I'm running with the heart motif through all of it though, that's become like my thing with stuff I make. So there's that, it's good to have a theme.
So... yeah, that's all of that stuff. Why am I posting this? I dunno. I think sometimes it can be helpful to sorta just tell people about the good stuff from time to time. Like, reinforcing it? Felt like doing it, so I did it, there ya go.
