Socially inept vs Asperger - some traits rant

[elements]

• 
  Where is the line that socially inept falls into Aspergers ?

Just the idea that a certain gesture mean something seems so illogical, how are we all suppose to be programmed the same to respond accordingly to the external experience equally.

• I dont feel like speaking 90% of the time, it feels like alot of effort and simply is confusing trying to get people to understand that im not mean or evil.

I feel stupid because people dont understand why i dont speak - i genuinely dont feel i have anything to say but im starting to observe that people just say thoughts that come into mind without a ton of effort or navigating to it, but then some people will judge me for not adding something to the convo or guiding it .. it all feels too much

 

[Gracey]

I wonder if the problem with ‘trying to be normal’ is figuring out what is normal?
And who it’s normal for.

My normal would be different to your normal which would be completely different to someone else’s normal.

So many different variations of ‘normal’ to choose from.

Would it be less tiring and draining to be yourself?

I don’t know the answer to the ‘line that separates Autism from socially inept’
Sorry.

 

[Catana]

@elements "Where is the line that socially inept falls into Aspergers ?" There is no such line. Being socially inept is one way of describing what is just one leg of Asperger's. Without the other two, you don't have Asperger's. What you're describing might be partly due to your childhood, and/or partly due to temperament: you might be an introvert.

 

[Shamar]

Just the idea that a certain gesture mean something seems so illogical, how are we all suppose to be programmed the same to respond accordingly to the external experience equally.

If a certain gesture meant the same thing to all people every time it is used, I would have no problem. When a certain gesture means something different every time it is used, even from the same person twice in a row, THAT is when I don't understand the message. And when all the NTs around me understand what it means, even when it means something different each time, is when I get REALLY confused. The same applies for body language, intonation, and facial expression. Is it any wonder I don't understand them?

Some people are born without the social interaction and communication abilities that most other people have and take for granted. They are usually called autistic.

 

[Progster]

• I dont feel like speaking 90% of the time, it feels like alot of effort and simply is confusing trying to get people to understand that im not mean or evil.

I feel stupid because people dont understand why i dont speak - i genuinely dont feel i have anything to say but im starting to observe that people just say thoughts that come into mind without a ton of effort or navigating to it, but then some people will judge me for not adding something to the convo or guiding it .. it all feels too much

Yes, I can relate to this, and the feelings of being inadequate because of it. Before I was diagnosed, it used to worry me a lot, but now I'm diagnosed and know the reason for it, I've come to accept that this is just the way things are for me, it is due to neurological differences and I can do much to change it - I just have take and work with what I've got and not grieve for something I don't and can't have.

 

[Mary Anne]

“If it was up to me i would speak mono-toned with little eye contact and calmness(or rather no emotion involved), But im trying to be more "normal".
“Where is the line that socially inept falls into Aspergers ?”

This sound like autism and not “just” introversion.

 

[Bella Pines]

Where is the line that socially inept falls into Aspergers ?

Speaking literally and a neutral facial expression are more signs of aspergers than isolation or upbringing, it's a brain structure. Asperger symptoms can be learned behaviour, after 20 years my husband is presenting as an aspie but only because he has learnt how to talk to me and how I would assess a situation. However, you can see that in the core of his being he still reacts emotionally and naturally moves his face and varies his tone. So deep down, the fundamental structure of aspergers is ingrained. But then does it matter? There are many crossovers between PTSD, OCD, autism etc and the challenges are to recognize the struggles and tackle them. Ultimately it doesn't much matter what label you assign, just that you are honest with yourself.

 

[elements]

Thank you all for your wonderful feedback