Socially awkward

[NDR2]

What do people here think about this?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I had to learn much of this when I was learning to be social. Some things have exceptions. Consider disclosure. To be able to be trusting and trusted when my future spouse and I were planning a trip to join a project by carpooling together when we did not yet meet IRL, required a little more disclosure than the superficial. Doing that created a friendship between us that progressed easily (but with a couple of stumbles on my part).

 

[Shamar]

What do people here think about this?

He may be on to something. It is all so simple, just stop being weird. I bet he also teaches paraplegics to walk by saying "Just stand up and put one foot in front of the other."

 

[Crabcore]

What do people here think about this?

For people with social anxiety, this is pure nightmare fuel. Probably a great video in it's own right, and for the exact type of person who has somehow missed out on these basic social skills, but otherwise it's nervewracking to think, "Don't do this or everyone will hate you!".

It also doesn't help that many people overstep these boundaries and don't get into any type of social 'trouble' whatsoever, and don't care about who they offend. In the end, confidence really wins, this kind of thing is just icing on the cake.

 

[Matthias]

It's good advice but I think it's better to teach people how to learn that stuff on their own like everyone else does.

My advice:

1. Spend more time around people
2. Pay attention!

If you talk to people for just 2 or 3 hours a day and pay attention to their facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and language you can learn how to behave appropriately on your own. It's easier and results in less awkwardness than trying to memorize and follow a bunch of rules.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It's good advice but I think it's better to teach people how to learn that stuff on their own like everyone else does.

My advice:

1. Spend more time around people
2. Pay attention!

If you talk to people for just 2 or 3 hours a day and pay attention to their facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and language you can learn how to behave appropriately on your own. It's easier and results in less awkwardness than trying to memorize and follow a bunch of rules.

I needed to read up on social communication so that I could observe it in context. Preparing myself for observation and practice helped a lot.

 

[Shaddock]

"behaviors that make you look weird:
1 - too much or too little eye contact
2 - too much or too little interpersonal space
3 - poor general hygiene
4 - lack of verbal/sensitive subjects filter
5 - not cooperating in face-work (do strange things to embarrass others)
6 - too much or too little self-disclosure
7 - lack of sense of relevance
8 - not knowing how to gracefully enter/leave an interaction
9 - not using backchannel Ques (to let people know you're listening)
10 - lack of empathy"

when these are the most important things, then I´m not that bad (most times)

 

[Matthias]

I needed to read up on social communication so that I could observe it in context. Preparing myself for observation and practice helped a lot.

I agree it's helpful and a good idea to read books and learn before practicing in person. My concern is advice that is too specific or inflexible such as make eye contact 60% of the time, give people 4 feet of personal space, or learning a specific greeting to use with everyone because there's too much cultural and individual variation and it can make people look and sound like robots.