There is this person I matched with, P we’ll call him, where we are both on the spectrum. However, our distance is significant, he doesn’t have a good job where we could split a hotel if I was visiting him at some point (as he lives with his family and I do not), with the distance, I don’t personally only want to spend a few hours only unless I happen to be passing by etc., and it is hard for him to come here as well. It is apparent I would be supporting the both of us and I do not want to start off that way for a serious relationship because I know that I will be miserable. I let P know this at the beginning .
P and I did do a video chat. This showed some seriousness for me.
During this time early on, he has this second social media account based on his personal situation and it felt awkward if I were to not accept but it did feel like an obligation in a way.
We have agreed to stay friends and I always respond to him promptly but he was initially frustrated my interest and initiating wasn’t stronger. It was enough that I had to tell him that I am talking to other guys too.
Eventually life got busy for both of us and we stopped chatting altogether for the
Most part but the communication lines were always open.
Very recently , my feed showed me randomly that I share a “friend” with P. We’ll call this mutual friend O.
I have spoken on a few apps with O. First one, we talked casually for a few months. I was initiating just about all of the convo. I got to a point where I asked about video chat or even possibly meeting and O said we needed to chat more. I told him I reached my threshold and the convo stopped.
When O and I happen to match on a different app, I didn’t notice I liked the same person I spoke with before but once the match happened, I put it together by looking at the other app. I noticed too cause it shows who viewed his profile. Soon after O said he got sick but nothing about when he got better. It has been 2 weeks now at least.
So, unconsciously, since the opportunity kind of presented itself naturally (for me), I elected to ask P directly if he knew O. He asked why. I told him I was trying to date him and wasn’t sure if considering talking to O was still worthwhile. I don’t think P will answer and I think he unmatched me on the dating app because of the question.
I feel like a good friend would be okay with answering this kind of question. He isn’t a good friend though. So I don’t know. Early on in my potential connection with P, he pushed the idea of friendship even after I told him about everything above beforehand. He stressed that a friendship could turn into something more. I told him I totally agreed with this and do not mind building friendship but that we cannot make any guarantees.
What is also weird for me is that apparently , O is friends with another person we’ll call W. W and I were having a decent convo except that I was doing most of the initiating. I could sense that this was part of his personality but now he is on vacation and he didn’t tell me how long. So. . . It seems like I am close to moving on from W too, but I do want to see if I get some responses in a reasonable amount of time or not considering that additional factor now.
The potential 3 people being in this natural circle of within 6 degrees sorta deal and me not looking specifically for it does rub at me the wrong way in this context.
So I guess this is an unintentional friend test. I think I know what will happen- no answer at all and just distancing on all sides. I don’t want that to happen but there wasn’t being any potential progress made on any front and I don’t see any positive benefit to maintain any of these connections if I am unable to get an answer to such a question set that is important to me. (Did P meet O in-person or have a video chat? If so then O is definitely ghosting and/or keeping things on chat endlessly only with only me initiating.; are there extenuating circumstances that P knows about with O that I don’t? If P is good friends with people that might make me uncomfortable , do I want to consider continuing even building a friendship with P?, etc.)
Any thoughts, questions, or suggestions?
Thank you.
P and I did do a video chat. This showed some seriousness for me.
During this time early on, he has this second social media account based on his personal situation and it felt awkward if I were to not accept but it did feel like an obligation in a way.
We have agreed to stay friends and I always respond to him promptly but he was initially frustrated my interest and initiating wasn’t stronger. It was enough that I had to tell him that I am talking to other guys too.
Eventually life got busy for both of us and we stopped chatting altogether for the
Most part but the communication lines were always open.
Very recently , my feed showed me randomly that I share a “friend” with P. We’ll call this mutual friend O.
I have spoken on a few apps with O. First one, we talked casually for a few months. I was initiating just about all of the convo. I got to a point where I asked about video chat or even possibly meeting and O said we needed to chat more. I told him I reached my threshold and the convo stopped.
When O and I happen to match on a different app, I didn’t notice I liked the same person I spoke with before but once the match happened, I put it together by looking at the other app. I noticed too cause it shows who viewed his profile. Soon after O said he got sick but nothing about when he got better. It has been 2 weeks now at least.
So, unconsciously, since the opportunity kind of presented itself naturally (for me), I elected to ask P directly if he knew O. He asked why. I told him I was trying to date him and wasn’t sure if considering talking to O was still worthwhile. I don’t think P will answer and I think he unmatched me on the dating app because of the question.
I feel like a good friend would be okay with answering this kind of question. He isn’t a good friend though. So I don’t know. Early on in my potential connection with P, he pushed the idea of friendship even after I told him about everything above beforehand. He stressed that a friendship could turn into something more. I told him I totally agreed with this and do not mind building friendship but that we cannot make any guarantees.
What is also weird for me is that apparently , O is friends with another person we’ll call W. W and I were having a decent convo except that I was doing most of the initiating. I could sense that this was part of his personality but now he is on vacation and he didn’t tell me how long. So. . . It seems like I am close to moving on from W too, but I do want to see if I get some responses in a reasonable amount of time or not considering that additional factor now.
The potential 3 people being in this natural circle of within 6 degrees sorta deal and me not looking specifically for it does rub at me the wrong way in this context.
So I guess this is an unintentional friend test. I think I know what will happen- no answer at all and just distancing on all sides. I don’t want that to happen but there wasn’t being any potential progress made on any front and I don’t see any positive benefit to maintain any of these connections if I am unable to get an answer to such a question set that is important to me. (Did P meet O in-person or have a video chat? If so then O is definitely ghosting and/or keeping things on chat endlessly only with only me initiating.; are there extenuating circumstances that P knows about with O that I don’t? If P is good friends with people that might make me uncomfortable , do I want to consider continuing even building a friendship with P?, etc.)
Any thoughts, questions, or suggestions?
Thank you.
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