So frustrated!

[ConfusedKetchup]

I had a meltdown earlier... this is something I typed out as I was coming down from it all.

How do you make sense of it when things are good, but at the same time things are bad. My family needs help, but I don't know where to go or where to turn and the kind of help we need is not cheap, and is not covered by our healthcare.
I can't function as a "normal" adult. I can't try to fix my family's and still focus on school. I'm 38 and finally got to a point where I made it to college. School is great, but I can't succeed at that if I'm focusing on keeping my family going. I also refuse to give up on my family. Been there, done that once before with bad results.
I can't even begin to access any type of supports without having an official diagnosis and how can I get to that if I can't even fully describe what I need. I need a social worker, someone who can understand my struggles and not just judge me as being lazy or stupid, or uncaring. I need someone to help me understand and navigate systems and services, someone who can speak for me when I can't find the way or words to explain what I understand, but can't verbalize. Ugh!

 

[AspieOtaku]

I had a meltdown earlier... this is something I typed out as I was coming down from it all.

How do you make sense of it when things are good, but at the same time things are bad. My family needs help, but I don't know where to go or where to turn and the kind of help we need is not cheap, and is not covered by our healthcare.
I can't function as a "normal" adult. I can't try to fix my family's and still focus on school. I'm 38 and finally got to a point where I made it to college. School is great, but I can't succeed at that if I'm focusing on keeping my family going. I also refuse to give up on my family. Been there, done that once before with bad results.
I can't even begin to access any type of supports without having an official diagnosis and how can I get to that if I can't even fully describe what I need. I need a social worker, someone who can understand my struggles and not just judge me as being lazy or stupid, or uncaring. I need someone to help me understand and navigate systems and services, someone who can speak for me when I can't find the way or words to explain what I understand, but can't verbalize. Ugh!

I understand your frustration, and when everything stressing stacks up on you things get out of control and we melt down, i have been in your shoes, tried college did my best in hopes of becoming a geologist, im excelled in science but once i did math and got to intermediate algebra i failed, i did my best, tried my best, stayed up all night studying only to fail and realize my best is not good enough, my dreams crushed i melted down bad, but eventually recovered and settled with working as a dishwasher at google, im ok with that i get 18 an hour pay and benefits and a routine set schedual and im ok with that, sometimes you have to settle with a decent paying alternative, although your dream did not come true it can still be a hobby.

 

[ConfusedKetchup]

I'm not quitting school. I mean if it comes to the point where I have to choose my sanity over school or dude and our kid I'm definitely gonna drop school. What I am hoping for is to get some sort of professional help started soon. I just can't juggle all that life requires.

 

[Rectify]

I feel for you. I was only diagnosed recently and prior to that I worked, raised kids, had relationships with people and generally struggled at times throughout all of it. It's hard work.

I can't even begin to access any type of supports without having an official diagnosis and how can I get to that if I can't even fully describe what I need.

I need a social worker, someone who can understand my struggles and not just judge me as being lazy or stupid, or uncaring. I need someone to help me understand and navigate systems and services, someone who can speak for me when I can't find the way or words to explain what I understand, but can't verbalize.

Yes, I agree you need that. A therapist/counsellor should be able to help you on this. It sounds to me that you would benefit from being able to access services to help you continue in the competing, yet all important, areas of your life. So, I'm thinking pursue a diagnosis by getting someone to help you with getting your main points down on paper. Also, you already got some of your concerns down in the paragraph above. Maybe writing things down is the key if you feel that you can't communicate as well verbally (totally relate btw). That way it's not a problem of 'how am I going to communicate this?!'

Edit: Where are you? Perhaps people will be able to suggest contacts for you if you're happy to say what country, city or state you live in.

Also, could anyone in your family help you with the process?

 

[AspieOtaku]

I'm not quitting school. I mean if it comes to the point where I have to choose my sanity over school or dude and our kid I'm definitely gonna drop school. What I am hoping for is to get some sort of professional help started soon. I just can't juggle all that life requires.

Taking all tasks at once its impossible for us on the spectrum, i agree with the juggling part as well its extremely stressful perhaps focus on one task at a time and seek a counselor as well.

 

[Wolfnox]

Make sure you get some down time. You will burn out fairly quick at that pace.

 

[ConfusedKetchup]

Thank you all for your replies. I have an appointment this Wednesday coming up with my family doctor. I'm currently preparing a list of things, and how it affects my life etc. for her in case I freeze up while trying to talk about it.
I'm in Toronto, Canada if anyone wants to toss out ideas for resources or services... that would be much appreciated.

As the day went on yesterday I finally dragged myself out of the bad spot I was feeling stuck in. I spoke to a couple of my sisters. They allowed me to vent and cry, and got me calmed down. I was still feeling a bit raw and irritable, but later in the afternoon I took my kiddo out to the park and while she played, I cheered myself up by taking some plant photos. I got one and edited it on my phone and it came out really nice. I'm quite proud of it. I'm going to add it here to show it off. I topped the night off with food, a silly movie and a great sleep. <3

 

[Wolfnox]

That is a pretty plant.

 

[Rectify]

@ConfusedKetchup sounds like you did some good work for yourself there with organising, self-care, doing the right thing by your family too. Amazing looking plant btw.

 

[ConfusedKetchup]

@ConfusedKetchup sounds like you did some good work for yourself there with organising, self-care, doing the right thing by your family too. Amazing looking plant btw.

The more I learn about ASD, and recognize how it has affected me, and my life... I'm better able to figure out my needs. Before learning of this I lived in a confused bubble. I felt/acted/reacted like I did, but without knowing why or whatever. I didn't know how to explain to people why I was the way I was. That has made a huge difference in my personal close relationships, but now I need to get on to getting some professional help so that I can function better in other areas.

The pic was of a nice thick vine that came over the fence from someone's garden. It appears to be some kind of squash or zucchini. I didn't get a pic of the flower buds on it, but it was a sight to behold!