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Small talk (Do you hate it?)

I hate small talk, but I do not know if this is because of my autism. I dislike it because I feel like it is a social obligation. I don't do it because of sincere interest, but because I am supposed to. And most people kind of realize this. The standard "how are you doing" question is just what's socially wishful. So that is why I prefer to skip it..
 
I hate it! Small talk is the most awkward thing in the world to have to deal with on regular basis. I can’t understand what small talk is really supposed to be good for, even though I know it’s part of the social fabric and aids human interaction, it just feels so pointless. I never know what to say so I always resort to my developed tactics.
Smile and sound happy, minimizes the likelihood of ending up in a conflict/argument and maximizes the likelihood of getting along well and having my co-worker liking me. I also refer to this as my patented Smile and pretend it's raining technique:tonguewink:
Affirmation, I simply verify what the other person said using other words. Good for conversations such as "Nice weather we're having."
Rehearsed material, this I use at work whenever I have to answer the phone or meet a person. It’s scripted and therefore one of the easiest.

I find small talk overall exhausting.
 
I dislike friendly teasing just as much as i dislike small talk. I can never tell if someone is being serious, somewhat serious or purely joking! Same with joking actually. I usually take it as being completely serious and end up thinking someone is mad at me which then upsets me and predisposes me to shutting down if someone doesn't speak up. Which almost never happens. Even if they make it overly obvious and i pick up on it i never know how to respond so i just stand there awkwardly until the conversation moves on.
 
Small talk is very annoying. I really really dislike participating in it. But I've become quite cold and indifferent as to what to the person is saying so i just do a simple "uh-huh" and nod while i think about something more interesting. When they ask me me questions about it i just ask them to repeat the last part because i didn't get it like the rest and then respond to that question appropriately. But the falseness of it all is what really makes me uneasy and just makes me want to end the conversation because i am sick of it.
 
Aspieistj said:
My mother was an NT and was as phoney as anyone I ever knew. She was terribly unhappy with her own life and always put on a happy face and never let anyone know how desperately unhappy she, herself was. She would have rather died that let people know she was terribly poor, unhappy, never married "good enough" or had perfect children. She loved clothes and never had very many. She flirted with every man she found better than my father and did a lot to call attention to herself if she thought she would be viewed in a good light. The only place she was herself was at home, doors closed and with only my father, brother and me. We were always treated to how unhappy she was and how very certain she was that her life should have been much better. Her phoniness worked very well and the entire town adored her. Only my brother, father and I ever felt the terrible nastiness she unleashed on us in order to tolerate her constant unhappiness. Nothing we did well was ever enough for her.
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I literally have the exact same experience. My mom was a saint everywhere else except the one place she was supposed to be, at home with us. It was the most difficult Time for me and my brothers to have to Try to explain this to other people. To them she was a saint, always at community events, fundraisers, volunteering, to us she was a monster. My best guess is that her own Inadequacy and depression caused her to try and make her self look good to everyone else to make herself feel better. I think when she was burying all her bad feelings to hide them from everyone else and those feelings had to come out somewhere and that was at home where the rest of the world doesn't see.
 
Kari Suttle said:
I dislike friendly teasing just as much as i dislike small talk. I can never tell if someone is being serious, somewhat serious or purely joking! Same with joking actually. I usually take it as being completely serious and end up thinking someone is mad at me which then upsets me and predisposes me to shutting down if someone doesn't speak up. Which almost never happens. Even if they make it overly obvious and i pick up on it i never know how to respond so i just stand there awkwardly until the conversation moves on.
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Most of the time I don't get the jokes or teasing so I just give an awkward phony laugh or if I'm around a lot of people I just laugh on cue with everyone else. Most of the time I eventually get the joke but it takes me a while, by then everyone else has moved on to other conversation.
 
Wooaspie said:
Most of the time I eventually get the joke but it takes me a while, by then everyone else has moved on to other conversation.
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This is me. Or if I do get it, I think it's dumb. Most jokes are pretty dumb. I really, really don't get "potty humor". Why do people laugh at someone who passed gas, for example? Why do so many jokes have to center around sexualizing life and relationships? Why does society feel the need to "dumb-down" social interactions in order to get a kick out of them? Why do they have to make fun of people in order to have fun?

That's one thing DH and I have committed to from the beginning of our relationship--we (almost) never poke fun at someone else's expense. Joking, for us, has always honored the people around us, including each other. My sister and her DH, my brother-in-law and his DW...both couples make deep, painful digs at each other and call that "having fun." Where's the honor and respect??

Confession: I'm a true-blood geek. I actually like "punny" jokes. It takes a modicum of intelligence and creativity to come up with those, and then to "get" them!
 
Small Talk - no, I'm not good at it at all, but I realise that most NTs feel uncomfortable without it, so I try to glimpse some information about who they are and/or what they might be interested in, which makes me a good listener, which they seem to like, so its a win-win situation :)
 
Thank goodness I'm so bad at it, no one wants to do it with me for long.

At work, I just smile and keep tapping away at the computer. Smile and wave boys.

I try not to get involved in small talk.
a) is blatantly obvious that beyond the 5 minute mark, I'm crap
b) It makes me feel like a phoney.

I've got the first 5 minutes learned pretty well. Push me past that point and you're gonna learn I script small talk for a while and then I just come off as boring and dumb!

I'm now at an age and comfy enough in life where if I don't feel like engaging in small talk, I don't!
 
Does anyone else get in trouble from family members who "need" small talk in order to feel loved?

My mom, especially, just gets flat-out offended if I don't chit chat, even if it's a work-related conversation (I work for her).

I'm taking the opportunity to practice taking ownership of my own behavior and not of her emotions. Just wondering if this is "normal" to "require" small talk to feel loved, or if this is part of her own codependency issues?
 
I hate small talk because it is very awkward for me. I'm only comfortable talking about topics that I know about. Subjects that interest me, are boring to most people.When I'm in social settings, I let my wife do all the talking. It was suggested that most people (NT's) not only like, but need small talk. It sure looks that way to me.
 
Makes me wonder if small talk is a social convention primarily intended for people to discuss something inherently benign in the instance that they don't know each other well.

While I can understand the logic of such a premise, it doesn't change the reality for me that quite often I have difficulty in the ability to improvise when it comes to verbalizing in real-time.

At times such a scenario is inherently stressful for me, causing me to fall back and discuss something I know in great detail, which can equally likely put off people under such circumstances. Which leaves me with only an alternative of saying little or nothing at all.

What might be "inconvenient" for NTs is potentially agonizing for me. And likely many of you I suspect.
 
In small talk scenarios I try and zero in on specific topic and talk about that extensively. Based on the reactions from the others involved in this small talk conversation, thats not how it works. Occasionally I get lucky and someone else has peak interest in the in depth topic I start discussing. I seem to function better in intellectual conversation.
 
Judge said:
... it doesn't change the reality for me that quite often I have difficulty in the ability to improvise when it comes to verbalizing in real-time.

At times such a scenario is inherently stressful for me, causing me to fall back and discuss something I know in great detail, which can equally likely put off people under such circumstances. Which leaves me with only an alternative of saying little or nothing at all.
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Excellent description of my dilemma as well...to jump around with light topics that mean nothing is stressful, because I can't figure out how deep to go or how to keep it light. Let me focus on something and explore it deeply already. Quit changing the subject!

So then I either have to stay quiet (because I can't form useful/relevant thoughts on a subject that quickly in a way that's communicable with the outside world), or I have to find something I know so well that I can think about the course of the conversation while also sorting through the information I have readily at hand in my mind. But people get bored easily and want to skip around rather than committing so deeply to a topic.
 
I hate small talk, it's such a waste of time in my opinion. I prefer having deep, interesting conversations. I don't want to waste my time pretending to be happy, pretending that the world is perfect. If someone wants to talk to me then just get straight to the point, no idle chitchat.
 
I just don't like the small talk. I feel that I get to a point where I really don't know what to say.
 
Greg said:
I just don't like the small talk. I feel that I get to a point where I really don't know what to say.
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Yeah, there's only so long you can talk about the weather. I've come to the conclusion that if the conversation turns to the weather, that's an indication that the conversation is dying!
 
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