Siblings enemies given by nature

[Pats]

I'm in a horrible, horrible mood and I guess it's my own fault. It's like I look around and see all these close knit families that really do love and care about each other and treating each other with the utmost respect. Why do I feel like my siblings think of me as the lowest form of life? They have absolutely no respect for me. They give their friends the best while they give me leftovers.

My brother cheated his way into success and I've seen him climb the ladder of success while using others. My sister has always had to be in the upper status - cheerleader in school, not always liked because she made fun of people, but remained on top. She married a doctor. She was miserable in her marriage but wouldn't give it up because she couldn't give up her lifestyle. That was most important for her.

I did my best, but I don't know if it's that I could never dig my way out of the slush or that my siblings just kept me there. Both these two siblings took advantage of me, made fun of me, pretended to help me but was using me instead.

My sister would give me hand me downs, but she gave her friends hand me downs that were really nice and like new while what she gave me was torn, stained throw aways - which I would thank her and throw them away later because it was always trash. My son drove his truck 5 hours away to help her move asking nothing in return. She had given to her friends so many nice things. She gave my son things that would have been thrown away and then told people he came to help to see what he could get. She has had me visit and told me how to act around her friends and things not to say.

My brother built a house and talked me into renting it. The new house was falling apart when I moved in and was built for less than $60,000, and renting it to me paid for the house and he never had to spend a dime fixing anything - he just let me live with whatever was wrong with it. I moved out, and without having to fix anything, my daughter and her family moved in and fixed things - my brother continuing to have a house paid for and never having to put a dime into it. He kicks them out because he decides to sell - and kicks them out at the most inopportune time. Actually because I had told him they could not rent anywhere and had no where else to go, I guess he figured they would have no other option but to agree to his demands. Replace the heat pump, fix everything that was wrong with it and he would give them a 9 month lease. Another words, they could stay long enough to fix everything then move out and he wouldn't have to do anything to sell it. They moved in with my other son.

I made the mistake of checking into what happened with the house. He used more money to fix it up than he used to build it - he completely gutted it and the house was beautiful. It sold already. But I'm feeling like - my daughter offered to buy the house many times but not willing to pay as much as he wanted for it as is - too much work needed to be done on it. He puts nearly $80,000 into fixing it up and sells it for what he wanted from them without the fixing anything.

I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but I just want to cry. I want to tell them all off and what I think of them. I just want to scream. I'll end up letting it eat away at me for the next week or two and not do or say anything. But I hate the way my siblings treat me and my family.

 

[Judge]

I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but I just want to cry.

Because to the contrary, "blood isn't necessarily thicker than water". -Especially where money is concerned.

Some families have beloved siblings. Others just have assets and liabilities.

It should bother most anyone who has encountered such relationships with their own siblings. Something that more often than not can occur when siblings must deal with the legal division of their parent's estate. When all sorts of ugliness may rise to the surface that you were never aware of until that moment.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

So are your parents still alive?

It seems your sister will likely manipulate herself into your parents good side and get the will changed st an appropriate time.

That's just what happens.

Hopefully not in this case.

Why are you keeping in touch?

You know it's a waste of time.

To say something harsh - they don't like or respect you.

Respect yourself and tell them to bleep off.

 

[Misery]

"I want to tell them all off and what I think of them. I just want to scream."

This, to be honest, is exactly what I would do in this situation. Both at once, really. Chances are I'd probably also throw something. Preferably something that shatters loudly when it hits a wall, and I'd leave them to clean it up.

I mean, really, sometimes people both deserve and need a good tongue-lashing, as they say. These siblings of yours sound like they could do with one. Or 5. Heck, make it 20.

One way or another though, it's likely to keep up if you DONT do something about it. Either tell them to shove off, or just start ignoring/avoiding them entirely... something like that. They'll just keep acting the same way towards you if you just keep letting it happen.

 

[Stardust Parade]

What horrible people! I have no advice except to cut off all communication with them. From all of your postings I've read on this forum, you seem to be a very kind and gentle soul who puts others needs before your own. Your siblings don't deserve to have you in their lives at all!

 

[Pats]

Both parents are deceased. And actually, I did orphan myself after my brother kicked my daughter out of the house and she was 8-9 months pregnant this past summer. That's why I feel I'm stuck with just letting it eat away with me and can't do any more because I would have to contact them to tell them what I think. I just don't get why he'd spend 70 grand to sell the house for 133, while not spending anything and wanting 120 from my kids. He could have sold it to them for 90 and been all profit. But every time I go visit my daughter and son I come home crying because I know how cramped they all are and how hard it is to live with another family. I hadn't been there since Christmas because it'd too hard for me to go see what I consider my brother doing to them. And I know my brother and sister will never see anything wrong with how they've treated us because it's just how it is. I didn't orphan myself out of lack of forgiveness, but to protect myself and my family. But I'm still suffering and they got what they wanted.

 

[Mary Terry]

Ms Pats - I have a sister from hell. Can't begin to describe the horrible things she has done to me. I finally cut her off, totally, out of my life, at the same time I went "no contact" with our narcissistic father. I think she has borderline personality disorder.

At any rate, when relatives are toxic, there is no obligation whatsoever to allow them to continue to abuse you. When you cease contact, they then try to abuse you because you won't let them abuse you. You're abused because you refuse to be abused, if that makes sense. It never ends until you scrub them out of your life. Or at least that is my experience. Maybe some people can just set firm boundaries but that never worked in my family.

Some unsolicited advice: never conduct business with family or friends, don't rent to or from them, don't form a business with them, don't jointly purchase property with them, just don't do anything with them remotely connected with money. You can always find reliable third parties to do business with, and if things blow up, it's a lot easier to deal with it.

I sympathize - been there, done that, learned from it, better and wiser person now. You, too!

 

[Pats]

What horrible people! I have no advice except to cut off all communication with them. From all of your postings I've read on this forum, you seem to be a very kind and gentle soul who puts others needs before your own. Your siblings don't deserve to have you in their lives at all!

Oh, thank you Stardust for your kind words. I think that's part of it - I've always given them my best. I used to babysit for my brother all the time. I've babysat my sister's 3 kids so she and her husband could go on a fantastic trip. I've always done for them and gotten crap from them. It's one thing for me to get their crap, but I can't handle my kids getting it. My sister would talk me into visiting her and there were times she'd fix a snack and give all the kids their own bowl of whatever it was, but not my daughter. She came right out and told my daughter no. But I walked over and fixed her a bowl.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Both parents are deceased. And actually, I did orphan myself after my brother kicked my daughter out of the house and she was 8-9 months pregnant this past summer. That's why I feel I'm stuck with just letting it eat away with me and can't do any more because I would have to contact them to tell them what I think. I just don't get why he'd spend 70 grand to sell the house for 133, while not spending anything and wanting 120 from my kids. He could have sold it to them for 90 and been all profit. But every time I go visit my daughter and son I come home crying because I know how cramped they all are and how hard it is to live with another family. I hadn't been there since Christmas because it'd too hard for me to go see what I consider my brother doing to them. And I know my brother and sister will never see anything wrong with how they've treated us because it's just how it is. I didn't orphan myself out of lack of forgiveness, but to protect myself and my family. But I'm still suffering and they got what they wanted.

I've had no contact with family for many years.

These thoughts - similar to yours come back and forward from time to time.
Not having them in your life, standing up for yourself will make it easier.
You can't change what they did re the house. It will always hurt - just less so.
Over time and if you change contact.
They're your enemy really.

Think of how you can change relations with them.
Maybe rehearse what to say,if you have contact.

Be a bad ass

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I just don't get why he'd spend 70 grand to sell the house for 133, while not spending anything and wanting 120 from my kids. He could have sold it to them for 90 and been all profit.

Nastiness.

 

[WildCat]

Damn. Give them a piece of your mind one last time and cut the cord. I mean, really drive it home and get it all out. I don't see them breaking the habit anytime soon and that probably won't put a dent in either of their strides, but at least you can say you tried.

 

[Stardust Parade]

My sister would talk me into visiting her and there were times she'd fix a snack and give all the kids their own bowl of whatever it was, but not my daughter. She came right out and told my daughter no. But I walked over and fixed her a bowl.

That's so weird of her! What did she say after that?

 

[Pats]

That's so weird of her! What did she say after that?

She just gave me a dirty look. That daughter was my mom's favorite so none of my siblings liked her and always tried to "fix her" they would say. There was nothing that needed to be fixed - she was spoiled when she was around my mom - not when she was with me. What child is not going to allow a grandma to spoil them.
She's the one who was kicked out of the house. Maybe you helped me make a connection here.

 

[Mia]

Oh Pats, I could tell you stories about relatives sifting though my grandparents and parents possessions on the days of their funerals, while everyone else was at church or at the cemetery.

Luckily for me, I don't care all that much about stuff. And, my brother has always, always, had my back. When family property was sold he was right there, insisting that the wills be ascribed to, to the letter. In the face of greedy family members.

I will mention something that's been validated over time. Greed eats away at you, if that's all you have. And now, those hateful people are all sick and don't have much time left. I feel like it's biblical retribution for the terrible things they've done.

 

[onlything]

I don't have good experience with my sibling either, although not as bad as yours, probably because of the way I left and cut down any strings I had to him and the rest of family. The only link I have with my brother is his son and my nephew.

I'm not sure if it's because he's clearly an NT and we miscommunicated so much, or if it's because he values things that for me are unimportant, like money and proper career/social standing. It's easier to live with these, yes, but that's it.

I did my best, but I don't know if it's that I could never dig my way out of the slush or that my siblings just kept me there.

Possibly both?

What your siblings do to you and your family is definitely not right. In fact, it seems almost toxic and reminds me of a lot of bullies/their parents in my middle school. I'm sorry to see that they don't seem to care for you much which is surprising - through the time on the forum, I found nothing negative in you, mostly a tad too gentle person for their own good with an interesting insight into things.

Your siblings seem to care for money and their social standing only. I would suggest cutting as many ties as you have with them but... I know it's not that easy to do so.

Reminds me of my uncle's family. They were dirt poor for most of their lives, so much that my uncle and his son left the country to find a better paid work somewhere else, sending all money home to aunt and their daughter. When they came back, they bought a patch of land and built a house there with their own hands. The son came back to work out of the country, uncle stayed to take care of the farm, getting sicker and sicker. In the end, the house and all the money went to aunt who decided to give everything to the daughter, living the son with literally nothing and the sick uncle with one room where he can live till he dies. Let's pass all the verbal abuse the son lived through as a child that we witnessed through years.

Sometimes family is just worth so little that one could think that water is thicker than blood.

 

[Pats]

Oh Pats, I could tell you stories about relatives sifting though my grandparents and parents possessions on the days of their funerals, while everyone else was at church or at the cemetery.

Luckily for me, I don't care all that much about stuff. And, my brother has always, always, had my back. When family property was sold he was right there, insisting that the wills be ascribed to, to the letter. In the face of the greedy family members.

I will mention something that's been validated over time. Greed eats away at you, if it's all you have. And now, those hateful people are all sick and don't have much time left. I feel like it's biblical retribution for the awful things they've done.

When my dad died, my brother and sister were put in charge of his stuff. My daughter in law asked for this cheap plastic barometer thing he had hanging on a tree (which my son used to make me a really sweet gift), but my sister had a fit and said no one is getting anything until she and my brother agreed. Meanwhile she was giving a tractor to my uncle, a rare coin to my nephew, etc. All mine asked for was a memory. Oh - my dad had a lot of silver, which was divided up between us siblings. I didn't care much for my dad and I immediately divided up my part between myself and my kids, which two of them used to help start a business and the other two to help with a down payment on a house. Mine is to be used for funeral expenses. I don't care about STUFF either, except stuff I have chosen to set around for my comfort.

 

[onlything]

When my dad died, my brother and sister were put in charge of his stuff. My daughter in law asked for this cheap plastic barometer thing he had hanging on a tree (which my son used to make me a really sweet gift), but my sister had a fit and said no one is getting anything until she and my brother agreed. Meanwhile she was giving a tractor to my uncle, a rare coin to my nephew, etc. All mine asked for was a memory. Oh - my dad had a lot of silver, which was divided up between us siblings. I didn't care much for my dad and I immediately divided up my part between myself and my kids, which two of them used to help start a business and the other two to help with a down payment on a house. Mine is to be used for funeral expenses. I don't care about STUFF either, except stuff I have chosen to set around for my comfort.

I don't understand why people care so much about material things and status. It helps to live in dignity, yes, but there is so much more in the world than that. What's the point of having something if you have no one to share it with outside of an army of fake friends that will leave as soon as you loose the money?

 

[onlything]

You should have seen the fight among the women in the family over jewellery. Diamonds, pearls, a ruby, coin collections. My Gram inherited a great deal, being the youngest female in a family of twelve, so as each of her siblings passed away, they left her some of their jewellery in their wills.

One of my siblings grabbed all of the diamond rings and peeled out burning rubber as fast as she could in her car, ugh, it was like a robbery. Another, began screaming about a pearl necklace, which she said had been promised to her. It was chaos, there was a physical fight over an old gold watch. The jewellery was supposed to have been divided evenly.

My Mom was the executor, at that point she had made my brother and myself her curator's, as I think she knew what might happen. My brother grabbed all the remaining jewellery and locked it up, until things calmed down. I didn't want anything, after that. Seeing people act like that made me almost ill. My brother insisted I take something, so, some earrings that belonged to my grandmother are what I have.

Some people claim that humans aren't animals... And yet if you give a pack of jackals a piece of meat the situation may look quite similar.

 

[Fino]

I guarantee you're the highest-quality human in their lives and look at what ya got! Life is consistently paradoxical. It's like when a screen door is so clean, you run into it.

Did it at my favorite person's house after being horrible awkward for a half hour. Just like a movie! A perfectly set up, awful movie...

 

[Autistamatic]

My parents had another son 5 years after me. I never wanted a sibling, and as it turned out I never had one. There was just a spiteful, conniving, evil younger person within the family that never tried to achieve anything other than demolish me.
I tried reaching out many times since I knew it was expected of me and about 11 years ago I thought I had succeeded. I let him in without realising it was yet another plot to ruin me.
I won't go into details, but suffice to say he tried to sabotage my marriage just days before we wed with a concoction of lies and foul allegations that might have succeeded had it not been for the trust and faith my wife to be and in-laws had in me.
My parents believed him though. Even asked me to stop "pretending" for the sake of "family unity".
So as of that day I don't have a brother. He is dead to me. I never wish to have contact with him or hear about him again for he will just try to sabotage me once more.
Families can be wonderful, close knit and supportive. They can also be as cruel and destructive as you could ever imagine. If it's the latter, the only way I know of to survive is to slam down a mental iron curtain and eliminate them from my life.