Should I keep this person as a friend?

[ftfipps]

I know a person that I have been friends with since I was 17. He is actually intelligent, which is harder to find than a leprechaun from my PERSONAL experience. I'm not saying they're not out there, I just haven't met too many bright people since I've been out of school. He was once considered one of my good friends. There is one problem, though. He gossips about other people to me and talks negatively behind my back as well.

I know it is good to have someone to talk to. A similar intelligence level is a definite plus. Unfortunately, he is very negative and even though he is one of the most talented people I've ever met, he Isn't very successful in his job life or relationship life.

 

[tree]

What have you done as far as indicating to him that
you don't enjoy his habit of broadcasting negative
criticism of people, including yourself?

 

[ftfipps]

One thing I do appreciate about the man is that he does spread useful and life enriching information. He relates things that he has discovered has helped him in his life, which is a plus. He is politically minded like me. He listens to me and compliments me....maybe I am being intense or overreacting.

 

[tree]

One thing I do appreciate about the man is that he does spread useful and life enriching information. He relates things that he has discovered has helped him in his life, which is a plus. He is politically minded like me. He listens to me and compliments me....maybe I am being intense or overreacting.

Are you saying you have done nothing at all
to indicate to him your discomfort regarding
his way of talking about people?

Although you enjoy the similarities, the listening, and
the compliments, the idea that "if he does it with you,
he'll do it to you" is there.

with you (talk about others)
to you (you'll be the recipient of behind the back comments yourself)

 

[kay]

Perhaps just limit the time you spend with him. Things don't have to be all or nothing every time.

 

[Dan Dan]

It seems that your pros list is much shorter than the cons list. You say he's negative, that he talks about you behind your back, gossips about people and isnt successful in his job or relationships. But he is smart so that makes all of the bad things go away??? Tbh he sounds like an a×× hole.
Some of the kindest, honest, loyal people i know are as dumb as a post and that goes for me to. I cant use a computer or do maths or spell. I even talk stupid but myself and others think of me as a nice honest guy. And im very good at my job. What im saying is just because someone is intelligent doesn't make them a good person to be around. Negativity is infectious. Its a dark energy!

 

[Warmheart]

Intelligence isn’t as important as kindness is in a friend, to me. Besides, I tend to value wisdom over intelligence, anyway.
“Gossip dies when it hits a wise person’s ear.”
You can always try to explain how you feel about being around his gossip and negativity. He may consider this insight as reflecting upon something change-worthy, or not.

 

[ftfipps]

Thank you all. I just blocked his number. I don't have the time nor the patience to deal with that stuff anymore.

 

[Lemon Zing]

You did the right thing. Some people just change as they get older. Nobody likes being mistreated.