Seeking help for a friend

[Chauncey Parker]

Hello all,

I have a friend who has had some difficulty with social integration and has been seeking answers; recently, he's done some research which led him to consider Asperger's Syndrome as a possibility, something that does seem to ring true for those who know him well. He's been wanting to meet some Aspies and see if he can identify with them directly in any way, and then to proceed to get a professional diagnosis if his suspicions remain strong. I'm writing for a few reasons, I guess; the first purpose is to get a feel for how the Aspie community might perceive this (and safeguard against any potential faux pas, make sure this sort of thing is kosher at any rate) and secondly (if the first condition is met) to ask for advice about the best way to go about this. We both live in Tampa, but it seems that the only communities in the area (such as the few featured on meetup.com) cater to younger people, as in 16 and upwards; my friend is 29, so an adult group would be preferred.

Anyway, I don't know of any better way to make sure the landing-patch is clear of debris than to consult you guys. Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank-you in advance for your time.

Cheers,
Jonathan

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

It's great that you're supportively helping your friend. We're all a very helpful, and encouraging community here. You can feel free to ask questions if you want, or if your friend wishes to join us, he is most welcome too.

Many of us have struggles with social integration, so we understand how daunting it can be to talk to a bunch of strangers, but I'm sure he'll find he can call this place a safe haven.

 

[Chauncey Parker]

Hey Hart,

I appreciate the speedy response. He's funny about typing; usually, I can engage him in Gchat but mostly I video-conference him with Skype. That would be the main reason I'm sort of doing this on his behalf—I know he won't do it for himself, but for the last two weeks he's been saying that he wants to meet with some people live. That kind of brings me to a question—since social integration seems (from what I've read) to be a key issue, does that impede the possibility of face-to-face time? Say, is it advisable to try and voice his inquiry on Craigslist? I'm trying to be as sensitive as possible to the community, so I'm glad you're letting me pick your brain. I guess the other possibility (and personally, this is what I'm inclined to think he should do) is that he could just go ahead and find a professional. He's just extremely reluctant...

I see the Aspie-Quiz scores; do you know what the margin of error might be for such a quiz?

In your experience (since this is really the issue he's currently grappling with) how do Aspies typically come to the realization that eventually prompts a diagnosis? Is it mostly something akin to "Hm, I wonder why I seem to be markedly different from others," followed by a lot of web-research? I guess he's of the age that kind of precludes an early diagnosis—that is to say (and again, this is just going from what I've read) 23 years ago when he was a child, Asperger's wasn't as understood as it is today, making it easy for him to slip underneath the radar. The thought had a profound impact on his mother, though, seeing that he possesses a rather sizable share of these characteristics.

Incidentally, I found out about Asperger's Syndrome about 5 years ago when I was researching my favorite pianist, Glenn Gould.

Anyway, I do appreciate the warm welcome and especially your input.

Cheers,
Jon

 

[Arashi222]

Honestly it's great to see that you are wanting to learn more and help your friend. We're a great community here on AC. I would recommend that he actually hang out here a bit or see a professional. Most Aspies are not gonna wanna do face to face meetings not even from Graigslist that sort of thing isn't really something we do. But he could check out his local Autism service and see if there are any adult groups that meet for support. Also make sure that if he does go to see a professional it is one that specializes in Autism because if you don't you could end up with a lot of diagnosis' but the one that actually fits.

 

[Ereth]

Hello, Jon!

The quiz scores aren't meant to replace an assessment from a professional. (That being said, I don't think Craigslist is the best place to look for a support group.)

I don't think there's any one way by which Aspies or suspected Aspies come to the conclusion that they're on the spectrum. I know it happened for me after I had a series of depressive episodes in college largely related to social occurrences.

But I do know that your friend is lucky to have you in his corner.

 

[Warwick C]

Welcome Jon. My brothers names is Jonathon.

Jon your friend could join up and just observe until he feels comfortable, to participate.

This forum is as much a support group as a forum in my opinion.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've found that Aspies-especially those who know they are Aspies- tend to be far more supportive, understanding and accepting of one anther than many NTs are of Aspies. (there are some NTs who are accepting and supportive of their Aspie friend: you sound like one). So the "social problems" that are an issue in everyday life sometimes cease to be an issue around other Aspies.
If you can find an adult group, go ahead. Or convince him to try this Forum.
The Aspie Quiz always says You are very likely an Aspie, or very likely a Neurotypical, rather than saying "you are an Aspie for certain." So I wouldn't worry too much about a margin of error. However, I do consider that particular quiz to be quite good, and do recommend it.

 

[Vanilla]

Hey Hart,

I appreciate the speedy response. He's funny about typing; usually, I can engage him in Gchat but mostly I video-conference him with Skype. That would be the main reason I'm sort of doing this on his behalf—I know he won't do it for himself, but for the last two weeks he's been saying that he wants to meet with some people live. That kind of brings me to a question—since social integration seems (from what I've read) to be a key issue, does that impede the possibility of face-to-face time? Say, is it advisable to try and voice his inquiry on Craigslist? I'm trying to be as sensitive as possible to the community, so I'm glad you're letting me pick your brain. I guess the other possibility (and personally, this is what I'm inclined to think he should do) is that he could just go ahead and find a professional. He's just extremely reluctant...

I see the Aspie-Quiz scores; do you know what the margin of error might be for such a quiz?

In your experience (since this is really the issue he's currently grappling with) how do Aspies typically come to the realization that eventually prompts a diagnosis? Is it mostly something akin to "Hm, I wonder why I seem to be markedly different from others," followed by a lot of web-research? I guess he's of the age that kind of precludes an early diagnosis—that is to say (and again, this is just going from what I've read) 23 years ago when he was a child, Asperger's wasn't as understood as it is today, making it easy for him to slip underneath the radar. The thought had a profound impact on his mother, though, seeing that he possesses a rather sizable share of these characteristics.

Incidentally, I found out about Asperger's Syndrome about 5 years ago when I was researching my favorite pianist, Glenn Gould.

Anyway, I do appreciate the warm welcome and especially your input.

Cheers,
Jon

Hey Jon

I agree that Craigslist probably isn't the way to go. Many Aspies confine themselves to seemingly appear as an island, but this generally means he either has no interest in socialising, or he is yet to meet a person of interest. If he is happy as is, I wouldn't force it (as some Aspies are quite content with fewer people in their lives) but if he does want to meet people, it's something he'll need to explore when he's ready.

Many Aspies generally have a knack for understanding other Aspies. With a bit more education about Aspergers, he may very well learn to spot them in life too. I myself have already spotted several, and have confirmed one so far as being right on the money. If he isn't keen on talking to us just yet, perhaps he can simply read the posts first. If he feels right at home after reading our stories, there's a good chance you're looking in the right place.

The tests are simple online tests, which are not conclusive, but give a generalised idea of whether he may have Aspergers. It also gives an indication of the scale on which he may sit on the spectrum, as different people are effected by varying degrees, and generally speaking, become closer to NTs as they age, as some Aspies learn to adapt to an NT world.

If he would like to try one of the internet quizzes first, he can try these links:

The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R)
www.aspietests.org

Aspie-Quiz
www.rdos.net

Should he feel inclined to get a formal diagnoses, that would be advisable. Should he have concerns, there are posts on these forums he may read, and learn how others with Aspergers have dealt with their experiences; most seem to have found a diagnoses to be quite liberating.

Hope that helps.

 

[Warwick C]

I agree with Vanilla if he was just to observe, he may open up more. If he has the analitical
aspie trait he will pick up on the signs quickly.

 

[FriedFrogLegs]

I have always had trouble talking and relating to others, looking ppl in the eyes and I don't like typing either as I'm slower than Christmas at it. Back when I was big into online gaming, I'd voice chat as much as I could get away with. What if your friend used a speech to type software? But I never thought about the possibility of Aspergers and stumbled into the possibility only a couple days ago. This forum has been extremely receptive. I agree that your friend should check this group out. He won't regret it.