Second guessing yourself?

[LittleLemon]

I have my assessment coming up at the end of the month. I've told 2 book club friends (not close) and 3 close family members in confidence. All family members are supportive, but the 2 friends have me second guessing myself. One said, 'I don't get that from you AT ALL' and 'I went back to reading your initial facebook post looking for a book club and I didn't get that.' You mean, the post that took me a year to finally make, I held my breath before I pressed post, and nearly deleted several times before I got a lot of positive responses? My second friend said, 'I don't think you're shy.' I was so dumb founded by that that I couldn't even respond. "Painfully shy" is not just something I say. I feel actual pain and discomfort and I fidget under the table constantly to the point where i accidentally draw blood from my fingernails. They ask me why I think I need an assessment, but there are just SO many reasons that I don't know where to start and they all start coming at once so I end up rambling. For the record, the two people who know me the best, my husband and sister, think I have a basis for it. I think having two neurodiverse kids that are so similar to me seems like a good place to start...maybe?

Has anyone ever tried to argue you out of a diagnosis? The 2 ladies have me wondering if it's just all my imagination :-(

 

[On the Inside]

I'm sorry you are getting unhelpful feedback, it is hard to tell what the motivation is behind it, other than to just let you know that you are OK with them as you are.

The only person that was dismissive to me (well, I didn't let to many people in on the issue) was a psychologist I saw just prior to being evaluated. (My previous therapist retired.) While he acknowledged that I had traits, even said so in our first meeting, he tried to make it seem like no big deal, everyone feels that way sometimes, it hadn't really effected me negatively and so on. He didn't know the whole story, and was also getting the carefully constructed "me" that I learned to project in order to kind of get along in life.

Don't let it discourage you. A diagnosis, especially as an adult, gives you answers to long held questions and confusion, and gives you a way to target your energy to deal with your issues.

Good luck, I hope all goes well.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Well the way to get past this is to go for a diagnosis. I'm in a similar situation, I don't have people disagreeing with the idea that I'm autistic so much but I have some doubt because I just don't seem as impaired as other people I'm met in my eyes. There's a lot of stuff I recognise with in Asperger's syndrome but there's a lot I don't and it's that which casts doubt on me, the only way to get around that is to get a professional's opinion. Unfortunately for me my current psychiatrist isn't that keen on diagnosing people, he rather likes to see people are a whole person - which is admirable - but that's not what I necessarily want; I want to know what my challenges are because I struggle to see it a lot of the time, and if I'm made aware of it maybe I can do something about it.

 

[Judge]

Has anyone ever tried to argue you out of a diagnosis? The 2 ladies have me wondering if it's just all my imagination :-(

Not argue me out of a diagnosis, per se. Though my cousin at times seems to attempt to argue me out of even being on the spectrum.

Moral of the story- "need-to-know" basis only. Think twice before telling someone. It can be disconcerting and disappointing when someone close to you is unwilling to support you in perhaps what might be your greatest hour of need.

Simple point though. You will always know yourself better than all others. A dynamic that will never change. My cousin can shout at me that I'm not autistic and that there's really no such thing as neurodiversity. But my "inner voice" that beckons knows better.

 

[Mia]

Many people want to think that pretty much everyone they have relationships with have similar interests, capabilities, and are 'like' them. That's often why they are friends, there are commonalities that bring you together.

When it's made clear that there are differences, of any kind, people tend to discount them or downplay them.

How many instances have there been where I've heard phrases such as; 'It can't be that bad' 'You are such an extrovert' 'People talk to you all the time.'

I'm not any of those things, it's a good acting job, that people rarely look further into. If they only knew that I chewed on my nails, hair, and cannot eat very much when acquaintances are around, but have to pretend to eat. And how long it takes me to recover from being social, they might understand.

Few people, unless they are aspies or involved with someone who is an aspie, will understand what it is that we carry around with us every day. They think only in terms of references like 'rain man' or autistic children with evident communication difficulties. There is truly no point in hoping they will comprehend it all. Very few actually 'get it' except for people on the spectrum or their closest family.

 

[LittleLemon]

All excellent points. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. Mia, what you said makes perfect sense. I'm just not going to bring it up anymore. I mentioned it because I wanted to desperately have an explanation for why I was behaving a certain way or why I seemed nervous. If they're not sensing that I want to bolt out the closest exit, then never mind. I don't want to spend the next twenty minutes trying to explain and then feeling more uncomfortable because I also hate all the attention on me.

 

[Judge]

I mentioned it because I wanted to desperately have an explanation for why I was behaving a certain way or why I seemed nervous.

Oh how I understand that. And yet how those around us don't- or won't.

A tough lesson to learn for so many of us.

 

[WereBear]

I sought a diagnosis because I knew no one would believe it.

I told only certain people who I thought would be able to handle it And that has worked out well so far.

So keep it to yourself and those people who understand for a while, at least. Use it for understanding and to take proper care of yourself.