second fiddle

[dsfu]

Hi.

I am wondering that if other people that have not found a romantic relationship have trouble being or making friends with people that are married and have families and are feeling like you are or will be a second fiddle for them in terms of you caring more for them than they do for you.

I am also wondering how you think of this in terms of reaching out to others for help?

THank you.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

yes I've often been there.

Having survived by the skin of my teeth for so long suddenly there are (mainly married and with children) people that have quite a bit of time for me. It goes in (long) phases.

 

[unperson]

Yes, they will look down on you. Personally I avoid them if possible, but some folks can mix with them .

 

[Pistachio]

I never really thought of my friends as married or single, in place of a relationship. they were just people I considered friends. I just acknowledged that they had a job, maybe a spouse, or kid that would take up their time, just like a single person might have other responsibilities. I didn't tend to hang out with a friend's entire family though, so maybe that's what you're talking about.

 

[onlything]

It depends on the person really. One of my good friends after getting a partner stopped having time or care for me or would look down on me if we did meet. Another stayed mostly the same, with a slight change in priorities and life plans, just mentioning the guy more or how it goes but I don't mind. In general, I think it's good that my personal friends get someone else, since I know that I'm not always available or able to help them with everything due to... well, how I am. I forget people. I'm working on it but at the end of the day, I still need a weekly schedule of contacting others or I forget.

Something else that shows a difference in the attitude of other people: if you go to do something together with their spouse, what is their behaviour? If we went somewhere together, the five of us, the first friend and her partner would leave and spend the time on their own. The second friend and her partner would stay and we would have fun together. According to the second friend, if you go somewhere together, you do it together - what would be the point of getting there together otherwise? I agree (unless you both wish to explore different parts and decide to go your own ways). Things like these can show you who is really your friend. If they care, they show it in some way. If they don't, there's no point in caring for them.