Saturday night

[Helena921]

I just want to get some opinions on whether there is an "unwritten rule" that couples should spend Saturday evenings together. This would be if neither had to work or did not have some other obligation.

 

[Streetwise]

I just want to get some opinions on whether there is an "unwritten rule" that couples should spend Saturday evenings together. This would be if neither had to work or did not have some other obligation.

I don't know this personally but from what I've read it must come from the idea of people being in the what is called honeymoon period and they would want to spend every minute together

 

[Thinx]

Every relationship is different, and you can agree your own arrangements, it's up to you both. It sounds like one of you thinks you should spend Saturday nights together?

Quoting others opinions on this won't really solve the issue, because you need to take each others feelings and opinions into account, there are no rules about this, but respecting and caring about how each of you feels about this is important. Finding what works for you both.

If this is tough to sort out, think about spending some quality time together (not necessarily on Saturday nights) to talk things through kindly and without trying to win or prove either of you are right.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, basically.

 

[Judge]

Indeed, we're all different. We also may have some very different circumstances that could easily skew such a question. I say this as I was once in a relationship with a live-in girlfriend who worked only a few feet from my cubicle in the same office. Together seven days a week. Some good things about it, some bad ones too. Though back then I had no idea- nor did she that I could be on the spectrum.

Did we have a specific day to spend by ourselves? No, but in hindsight I think it might have been a good idea. Yet you never know how people would react to even bringing such a thing up.

Relationships are complicated.

 

[Au Naturel]

Generally, if you're in a serious relationship it is assumed that you'd want to do something together on the weekend. I don't know if it qualifies as an unwritten rule but I think most partners would expect it. Saturday night is the traditional night for socializing. Kind of the default NT bonding behavior. The more serious you are, the more time you spend together.

For my wife and I, it was not always that way. Sometimes I'd head out for a weekend backpacking trip. She's been known to take weekend cruise trips without me. But we are not typical NTs.

 

[Helena921]

Thanks for all of your replies. Yes, one of us thinks that Saturday evenings should be spent together if possible, the other sees it as any other day, and generally will spend it alone doing nothing (him, of course LOL). I'm really not trying to force anything, just trying to work through a frustrating issue. We both are Aspies.

 

[Thinx]

Sounds tough. Does he tend to apply the same logic to every night, or can you get some nights he'll spend together? How long have you been struggling with this issue? I guess all couples have areas of disagreement, and we on the spectrum can have unique challenges. There's good times too I expect?

 

[Aspychata]

This is tough area. Maybe talk thru this, ask the other person what they think. Then discuss what you think. Then try to find a common ground with those thoughts and voila- you have compromise and understanding and most importantly- a connection.

 

[Helena921]

Sounds tough. Does he tend to apply the same logic to every night, or can you get some nights he'll spend together? How long have you been struggling with this issue? I guess all couples have areas of disagreement, and we on the spectrum can have unique challenges. There's good times too I expect?

Thanks. There are many good times, and we've been together almost a year. He does not like to plan ahead, he works hard, and comes over about 2-3 times a week, usually on the spur of the moment. So far, he has resisted my efforts to plan ahead. For whatever reason, I have a very hard time spending Saturdays alone.

 

[Thinx]

Thanks. There are many good times, and we've been together almost a year. He does not like to plan ahead, he works hard, and comes over about 2-3 times a week, usually on the spur of the moment. So far, he has resisted my efforts to plan ahead. For whatever reason, I have a very hard time spending Saturdays alone.

I see. One way to look at this might be that although we can't change another person, we can work on ourselves, and that does often solve at least part of a difficulty. So maybe you could get some support to think through what's happening for you that you feel this way about spending Saturdays alone. It may feel daunting to tackle this, but equally it could be freeing and make you feel happier and stronger.