Roleplay/Tumblr Imagine/Character OCD

[Riley]

I tend to read Tumblr Imagines on a regular basis. Using made-up characters of mine in my head to act these stories out. But in the process of creating said characters, I'll constantly change things. And this is where my major problem comes in. I cannot, for the life of me, make decisions without dreading what I picked was the wrong thing.
I wanna know: Does anyone experience the same feeling? The same difficulty with your own creativity?
And, more importantly:

• Can anyone on this site answer any questions I have in this regard?

 

[Datura]

I know the feeling you describe. I consider myself a musician despite not being able to write or record anything for years on account how anxious it makes me. I often exhaust myself simply thinking about a project, let alone actually doing the work.

I also find that the closer I am to completing something the worse my anxiety becomes. So long as something is only imagined it remains perfect, or at least potentially thus, but when one makes choices the probability wave collapses. Unlimited potential becomes finite reality. The work, in its penultimate form, is lost to "what could have been." And so I am left with a head full of melodies and fragmented poetry, suspended in a state of quantum uncertainty in which they can still be masterpieces (in addition to their variable other states).

Currently I am involved in a musical ensemble. It allows me to enjoy making music without the intensely personal stakes of the putting forward a vision. Performing in a large group also means that my individual contributions are negligible. Hopefully by easing back into music this way I can move on to more personal work, but I am in no rush as that would only undo my progress at this point.

I am not sure what the creative writing equivalent of a musical ensemble would be. The point isn't really that there be a lot of people involved, just that the level of personal investment be lowered. I have no ideas...

 

[StephF]

I like to RP but luckily I am not affected by the anxiety you have.

 

[tree]

@Riley
Experiencing continuous or overwhelming dread regarding choices is
related to the (non-rational) idea that
one must be thoroughly competent & talented, adequate, and achieving
in an area which is important to you.

Add to this one more (non-rational) concept, the idea that a person
must feel terrible when things aren't "perfect" and you have the
ideal mixture for creating feelings of anxiety.

 

[Danny 74]

Id spend ages drawing a picture then screw it up and throw it in the bin all beacause i couldnt draw what was in my mind.. Then id get the picture out the bin and regret throwing it away then get annoyed at myself for not thinking things through properly, followed by the same repetitive thought all day long