Residual Self-monitoring

[Jumpinbare]

Warning: this post may be the result of excessive naval-gazing.

So during all those undiagnosed decades, I really didn't care what people thought about me in general. I had no social life and didn't want one. But I didn't want my weirdness causing me trouble at work or with the police, so I did a lot of self-monitoring and evaluating in those interactions. I had no idea what masking was of course, but I spent a fair amount of time trying to determine whether my actions were likely too weird or not.

Old habits die hard, so while I was engaged in a relatively complex computer task today, my "step back and evaluate" reflex kicked in, and I realized that my VERY manual text-to-speech-followed-by-audio-editing task was not even remotely something people generally do just to have audiobooks on their car stereo.

Does anyone else have these moments?

 

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But I didn't want my weirdness causing me trouble at work or with the police, so I did a lot of self-monitoring and evaluating in those interactions.

I think I likely cared even less about what other people thought and had less of a filter than you. I knew I was a good bloke and that was all that mattered to me, what other people thought really had little effect on me.

Interestingly, I always got along really well with police and usually got away with far more than most people can expect. I think a large part of that was simply because I had no filter and spoke to them completely without any guile, plain simple honesty without any animosity or emotional demands. I was easy to deal with.