Polchinski
Active Member
While a lot of people think of the difference between these two concepts in terms of sex, for me sex is not really a factor. For one thing I don't believe in sex before marriage. But thats not even quite it either. Even if I were an atheist and wasn't opposed to sex, I just don't see why sex should be a big deal anyway. I think the emotional aspects far outweigh the physical: if I want physical pleasure I can always eat sweets or watch sunset or whatnot.
For me, the two emotions that do drive me crazy are loneliness and self validation. For loneliness, both relationship and friendship would do. But for self validation, I need a relationship title. On the other hand, allowing "just a friendship" allows me to create a bond based on vulnerability: I basically allow myself to accept the fact that I am not worthy of a trophy and still build a bond with another human being.
Yet at the same time, whether I allow the friendship to occur or not really depends on the reason for the rejection. If the reason is being one of the aspie stereotypes and/or some gross misunderstanding (probably 80% of the time), then I won't accept it. But if it is something outside of that (I guess 20% of the time), I might well accept it, and enjoy it once I do. Interestingly enough, there was one time when I accepted the offer of friendship when the reason for rejection was my looks. Yes, I know, a lot of people would say "what? I thought looks should be the number one thing you would get offended by". Well, not for me, apparently. At least it wasn't Asperger or any traits associated with it. So I actually enjoyed said "friendship".
It also has to do a lot with whom I pass by while walking down the street. If I see good friends having a good time, I feel like I wish I could have a friend. When I see people date and talk about having kids while I am left out, I wish I could have a relationship. Yet at the same time its not a fleeing thought. In both cases I would dwell on it for hours, days, months, etc. I guess ideally I wish to have both: some friends and a relationship. Unfortunately I don't have either, so I fell lonely and unstable.
Speaking of relationships, I feel like I don't want to die single and childless. Yet I am 43 and time flies fast. Yet at the same time, being 43 itself is one of the things I can't accept. I wish I was 20, and enjoyed my friendships. But then again, even if I was 20, I would still not want to feel inferior to other people my age who do have relationships. And like I said, being date-less has inferiority aspect attached to it. And now that I am 43, the fear of not ever having children adds to it since I always knew I wanted kids.
I know I am weird. What about y'all? Can you relate to any of this?
For me, the two emotions that do drive me crazy are loneliness and self validation. For loneliness, both relationship and friendship would do. But for self validation, I need a relationship title. On the other hand, allowing "just a friendship" allows me to create a bond based on vulnerability: I basically allow myself to accept the fact that I am not worthy of a trophy and still build a bond with another human being.
Yet at the same time, whether I allow the friendship to occur or not really depends on the reason for the rejection. If the reason is being one of the aspie stereotypes and/or some gross misunderstanding (probably 80% of the time), then I won't accept it. But if it is something outside of that (I guess 20% of the time), I might well accept it, and enjoy it once I do. Interestingly enough, there was one time when I accepted the offer of friendship when the reason for rejection was my looks. Yes, I know, a lot of people would say "what? I thought looks should be the number one thing you would get offended by". Well, not for me, apparently. At least it wasn't Asperger or any traits associated with it. So I actually enjoyed said "friendship".
It also has to do a lot with whom I pass by while walking down the street. If I see good friends having a good time, I feel like I wish I could have a friend. When I see people date and talk about having kids while I am left out, I wish I could have a relationship. Yet at the same time its not a fleeing thought. In both cases I would dwell on it for hours, days, months, etc. I guess ideally I wish to have both: some friends and a relationship. Unfortunately I don't have either, so I fell lonely and unstable.
Speaking of relationships, I feel like I don't want to die single and childless. Yet I am 43 and time flies fast. Yet at the same time, being 43 itself is one of the things I can't accept. I wish I was 20, and enjoyed my friendships. But then again, even if I was 20, I would still not want to feel inferior to other people my age who do have relationships. And like I said, being date-less has inferiority aspect attached to it. And now that I am 43, the fear of not ever having children adds to it since I always knew I wanted kids.
I know I am weird. What about y'all? Can you relate to any of this?