Sam Grieve
New Member
Hi all,
My name is Sam and I am new to this forum so apologies if I take ages to reply. Anyways, I am having a dilemma over potentially dating a girl but due to my Asperger's I am struggling to control my obsessive thoughts over this girl. Here's my story:
Around 2 months ago I was set up with a girl that I met through close friends. They sent her both a photo and a video of me explaining that I am single and potentially looking for a relationship. This girl was interested and wanted to meet me. Anyhow, a few weeks later we all met up at a local pub on a Friday night. The evening went very well as I was asking her questions about her job and interests (we both work in health and social care) and throughout the evening she was doing the 'playing with her hair'.
The night seemed to have ended very well. I became instantly attracted to her and she gave me a hug when we parted our separate ways and said I should add her on Facebook which I did. I then sent her a message saying how much I enjoyed meeting her and she practically said the same thing and she gave me her number after I had asked for it.
We began texting and messaging eachother and had plans to meet up the following weekend as it was her birthday. Unfortunately at the last minute, she cancelled our plans as she was with her family and said "she felt awkward bringing a guy she just met when she was around her Mum but still wanted to get to know me" which I can totally relate to as I would feel awkward as well; by the way I am 23 in a few weeks and she has just turned 19 so we're both young adults.
I found out from her friend that she is very reclusive and doesn't go out much as she believes she is shy and has undiagnosed social anxiety which is something else that I can relate to. Anyway, we continued texting and messaging eachother for almost 2 months and last Saturday we met up again to play pool with our group of friends (the same couple who set us up).
Anyway, this time she put her makeup on and I was paying her compliments throughout the night. She mentioned that she wanted to make more of an effort this time round as last time she didn't (I thought she was gorgeous anyway). One of my other close friends also turned as he asked if he could join us as he was bored. I didn't realise but he had been drinking all day and was drunk. Me and this buddy of mine are very silly together as we were being quite silly but I kept on apologising to her and she was like "it's fine don't worry". My friend, despite being really drunk, picked up on the fact that when she arrived and sat down she appeared very shy and awkward around me as she turned her back to me at first to talk to her friend. He said to me "She likes you bro. The way she seemed very shy with you is a sign".
Anyway, later on during the night, I plucked up the courage and said to her "I know it's early days but do you fancy going out for a drink sometime just me and you?" and she smiled and said "Yeah that would be lovely. Sounds great although I do have a lot of late night shifts coming up so I don't know when yet" (she is training to be a nurse hopefully and works at the hospital). I was really chuffed. So, when she left we had a slightly 'awkward' hug and she seemed a bit distance. I found out before I asked her out when her and friend went to the toilets that she said to her friend "I am not so sure about this as he is being quite silly".
I went into a meltdown. I just kept saying "That's it. I have completely blown it with her" and my friend felt terrible as we were being silly. We both have ADHD so we are impulsively silly when we're together. But he just kept saying "Mate, she said 'yes' when you asked her out. She likes you and I could tell by her body language she likes you". I texted her a few times apologising for my behaviour and I had no reply for 2 days. Eventually, I messaged her again and explained that I was having mental health problems (I suffer from PTSD, severe anxiety and depression and I am going through bereavement issues too) and that I behave silly to mask the pain I am in psychologically. She has been having her own health problems lately and was happy to open up to me and keep me updated. I also mentioned that I like her and want to get to know her properly.
She replied to her texts saying "Sorry my texts having been coming through but I will check messenger Xx" as I messaged her on Facebook too explaining some of my health problems. She replied "I really hope you're okay it's best to get these things sorted so you can get some perspective and feel better and don't worry about Saturday Xx". I felt great for the rest of the day. Anyway, a few days later I messaged her again to see how she was and said that I was still run down due to my mental health problems. I then said "Once I am feeling a little better we can arrange something if you like?" and she put "Oh no hope you feel better soon, yeah just not sure when I am able to though got a lot happening Xx".
Unfortunately, cos of my Autism, I really struggle to interpret other people's feelings especially through messages. This has sent me into a panic as I am paranoid she has changed her mind and doesn't want to see me due to my eccentric behaviour. We are supposed to go to the seaside for a day trip soon but I cannot seem to get hold of her. I have texted her to see how she is and explained that I might go abit "distant cos I am trying to sort out my anxiety problems" and I have had no reply.
My inboxes don't seem to be getting through to her. I am a little worried that she might be unwell too so I tried to call her twice just to see if she is okay but it just went straight to voicemail. I have no idea what to do. I am told that there's probably a network issue with her phone as this has happened to one of my friends on several occasions when I have tried to contact him but I am getting worried. Am I being strung along? I feel a crush coming on but cos of my Asperger's it becomes an 'obsessive crush' and I am scared that she thinks I might come across as a 'stalker'. But I am genuinely concerned cos I care about her.
Can anyone on here give me any advice on what to do? She is a very shy girl and I think prefers it when guys make the effort but I am anxious she doesn't want to see me again. How do I deal with my obsessive paranoia as I am developing a crush? Should I wait a few more days to try to contact her again? I feel terrible for becoming so attached as it's very early days but I haven't got any idea on where this situation is going? What should I do?
My name is Sam and I am new to this forum so apologies if I take ages to reply. Anyways, I am having a dilemma over potentially dating a girl but due to my Asperger's I am struggling to control my obsessive thoughts over this girl. Here's my story:
Around 2 months ago I was set up with a girl that I met through close friends. They sent her both a photo and a video of me explaining that I am single and potentially looking for a relationship. This girl was interested and wanted to meet me. Anyhow, a few weeks later we all met up at a local pub on a Friday night. The evening went very well as I was asking her questions about her job and interests (we both work in health and social care) and throughout the evening she was doing the 'playing with her hair'.
The night seemed to have ended very well. I became instantly attracted to her and she gave me a hug when we parted our separate ways and said I should add her on Facebook which I did. I then sent her a message saying how much I enjoyed meeting her and she practically said the same thing and she gave me her number after I had asked for it.
We began texting and messaging eachother and had plans to meet up the following weekend as it was her birthday. Unfortunately at the last minute, she cancelled our plans as she was with her family and said "she felt awkward bringing a guy she just met when she was around her Mum but still wanted to get to know me" which I can totally relate to as I would feel awkward as well; by the way I am 23 in a few weeks and she has just turned 19 so we're both young adults.
I found out from her friend that she is very reclusive and doesn't go out much as she believes she is shy and has undiagnosed social anxiety which is something else that I can relate to. Anyway, we continued texting and messaging eachother for almost 2 months and last Saturday we met up again to play pool with our group of friends (the same couple who set us up).
Anyway, this time she put her makeup on and I was paying her compliments throughout the night. She mentioned that she wanted to make more of an effort this time round as last time she didn't (I thought she was gorgeous anyway). One of my other close friends also turned as he asked if he could join us as he was bored. I didn't realise but he had been drinking all day and was drunk. Me and this buddy of mine are very silly together as we were being quite silly but I kept on apologising to her and she was like "it's fine don't worry". My friend, despite being really drunk, picked up on the fact that when she arrived and sat down she appeared very shy and awkward around me as she turned her back to me at first to talk to her friend. He said to me "She likes you bro. The way she seemed very shy with you is a sign".
Anyway, later on during the night, I plucked up the courage and said to her "I know it's early days but do you fancy going out for a drink sometime just me and you?" and she smiled and said "Yeah that would be lovely. Sounds great although I do have a lot of late night shifts coming up so I don't know when yet" (she is training to be a nurse hopefully and works at the hospital). I was really chuffed. So, when she left we had a slightly 'awkward' hug and she seemed a bit distance. I found out before I asked her out when her and friend went to the toilets that she said to her friend "I am not so sure about this as he is being quite silly".
I went into a meltdown. I just kept saying "That's it. I have completely blown it with her" and my friend felt terrible as we were being silly. We both have ADHD so we are impulsively silly when we're together. But he just kept saying "Mate, she said 'yes' when you asked her out. She likes you and I could tell by her body language she likes you". I texted her a few times apologising for my behaviour and I had no reply for 2 days. Eventually, I messaged her again and explained that I was having mental health problems (I suffer from PTSD, severe anxiety and depression and I am going through bereavement issues too) and that I behave silly to mask the pain I am in psychologically. She has been having her own health problems lately and was happy to open up to me and keep me updated. I also mentioned that I like her and want to get to know her properly.
She replied to her texts saying "Sorry my texts having been coming through but I will check messenger Xx" as I messaged her on Facebook too explaining some of my health problems. She replied "I really hope you're okay it's best to get these things sorted so you can get some perspective and feel better and don't worry about Saturday Xx". I felt great for the rest of the day. Anyway, a few days later I messaged her again to see how she was and said that I was still run down due to my mental health problems. I then said "Once I am feeling a little better we can arrange something if you like?" and she put "Oh no hope you feel better soon, yeah just not sure when I am able to though got a lot happening Xx".
Unfortunately, cos of my Autism, I really struggle to interpret other people's feelings especially through messages. This has sent me into a panic as I am paranoid she has changed her mind and doesn't want to see me due to my eccentric behaviour. We are supposed to go to the seaside for a day trip soon but I cannot seem to get hold of her. I have texted her to see how she is and explained that I might go abit "distant cos I am trying to sort out my anxiety problems" and I have had no reply.
My inboxes don't seem to be getting through to her. I am a little worried that she might be unwell too so I tried to call her twice just to see if she is okay but it just went straight to voicemail. I have no idea what to do. I am told that there's probably a network issue with her phone as this has happened to one of my friends on several occasions when I have tried to contact him but I am getting worried. Am I being strung along? I feel a crush coming on but cos of my Asperger's it becomes an 'obsessive crush' and I am scared that she thinks I might come across as a 'stalker'. But I am genuinely concerned cos I care about her.
Can anyone on here give me any advice on what to do? She is a very shy girl and I think prefers it when guys make the effort but I am anxious she doesn't want to see me again. How do I deal with my obsessive paranoia as I am developing a crush? Should I wait a few more days to try to contact her again? I feel terrible for becoming so attached as it's very early days but I haven't got any idea on where this situation is going? What should I do?
