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regrets

Aspergers_Aspie

Well-Known Member
Do you have any regrets?
For me I wish I had been nicer to my parents when they were alive, nicer to people generally and tried not to be rude on occasions.
When my Dad was alive. He was nearly 66 and was a bit unsteady on his feet. He lived alone. My Dad had asked me if I could be his carer. My Mum had died a few years before so I
couldn't ask her and I asked my
Aunt. She said I couldn't be. I just took her word for it, maybe as I have aspergers. Looking back I wish I had tried to find out from maybe my GP, the Council or Citizen's Advice Bureau. My Dad had a stroke and
died in hospital,
I can't change the past but I think about situations and how I could have behaved differently. And I try to be nicer generally to people and not rude.‎
Also there was a trainee social worker who I a few years back, when I was staying in a homeless hostel. We used to get on really well and share a laugh! Maybe due to my aspergers that I didn't know I had back then
and she didn't know, I reacted in a way about something that I regret, I was younger and didn't know how to deal with being upset, got very annoyed and left the hostel without maybe seeing if we could have
became friends or possibly boyfriend girlfriend in the future. There was another woman at the charity drop-in I attend for aspergers (I only got diagnosed for aspergers when I was 29). at times I was frustrated and
think I could've handled things better looking back, and even when I wasn't frustrated I think I could have chatted with her more, I think possibly we could have ended up being boy and girlfriend or just
friends.
I'm happy for couples but seeing them on tv makes me sad about my regrets.
At least the woman from the autism charity knows I have aspergers, the
woman from the hostel didn't know this, I think if we didn't become boyfriend girlfriend we could have been really good friends.‎
I of course hope those two women will be really happy.
 
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I do, and have been working to accept them so as not to keep feeling the weight of them. For they can seem heavy if I focus too much on things I cannot change. I have made mistakes. But I can be better, learn and grow, and hopefully make fewer of them. Then I don't have to keep feeling regret. I only have to carry the past long enough to learn something from it. Then it's time too release it and come out from under it. I have to forgive myself so that I don't allow it to interfere with what comes next. The best way to honour the mistakes of the past is to make good choices in the present.
 
I do regret not taking my therapist seriously in high school. I honestly thought he was blaming everything on autism and just making assumptions because of my diagnoses. I was too wrapped up on what my mom told me and my therapist was contradicting my mother so I didn't believe him. I also thought he was being negative and making excuses for the double standards. I eventually ended up firing him when I was finished with high school and I was nearly 19 so I was legally an adult and could quit seeing him without my parents making me.

Parents, don't lie to your kids about their disability and how it affects them and don't pretend it's lighter than it really is. This was pretty confusing for me.
 
I have a lot of regrets within moments, things I say or do that I immediately regret, but I don't have any major regrets that weigh on my mind.
 
Only a couple of regrets looking back.
Mostly concerning being prepared for living when I became older.

There was one marriage proposal I wish I had accepted. I think it would have been helpful
to several people.
I worked with a man who became the minister and owner of a now nation wide metaphysical
school and meditational church. He had the idea and money and I had abilities.
From two people, we started this from the ground up.

We both had no families except for being care givers to our elderly mothers.
We weren't in love, but, got along like good friends and worked well together.
He though we should get together and the four of us could be there for each other.
Out mom's got along too.
He had health issues with his heart and didn't live many years after we got the centers
going.
I had always said no to marriage and just did it again. A lot of things would have been better
if I had said yes, I believe.

Another regret also concerned preparation for older age.
My Dad had bought an insurance policy for me when I was 12 that worked like an investment.
It grew each month with interest that you paid.
Ten years later, it's returns were large enough I could skip paying some months if I needed to
and it paid for itself.
Had I paid into it, like a savings account, there would have been plenty of money for the seniour
years.

But, in my 20's, Dad got into financial problems and ask for me to cash it in for the money to help him.
I did. I shouldn't have. But, since I lived at home and, well, we did need the money.
And now when I really need it the most I have none.
Plan for the future, even if you think that time may never come.
 
Do you have any regrets?
For me I wish I had been nicer to my parents when they were alive, nicer to people generally and tried not to be rude on occasions.
When my Dad was alive. He was nearly 66 and was a bit unsteady on his feet. He lived alone. My Dad had asked me if I could be his carer. My Mum had died a few years before so I
couldn't ask her and I asked my
Aunt. She said I couldn't be. I just took her word for it, maybe as I have aspergers. Looking back I wish I had tried to find out from maybe my GP, the Council or Citizen's Advice Bureau. My Dad had a stroke and
died in hospital,
I can't change the past but I think about situations and how I could have behaved differently. And I try to be nicer generally to people and not rude.‎
Also there was a trainee social worker who I a few years back, when I was staying in a homeless hostel. We used to get on really well and share a laugh! Maybe due to my aspergers that I didn't know I had back then
and she didn't know, I reacted in a way about something that I regret, I was younger and didn't know how to deal with being upset, got very annoyed and left the hostel without maybe seeing if we could have
became friends or possibly boyfriend girlfriend in the future. There was another woman at the charity drop-in I attend for aspergers (I only got diagnosed for aspergers when I was 29). at times I was frustrated and
think I could've handled things better looking back, and even when I wasn't frustrated I think I could have chatted with her more, I think possibly we could have ended up being boy and girlfriend or just
friends.
I'm happy for couples but seeing them on tv makes me sad about my regrets.
At least the woman from the autism charity knows I have aspergers, the
woman from the hostel didn't know this, I think if we didn't become boyfriend girlfriend we could have been really good friends.‎
I of course hope those two women will be really happy.
I have lots of regrets but to be honest the consequences of my various actions are too triggering to go into one here, I hope not to offend anybody my unwillingness to go into them is about me not about anyone on here.

I wish I had handled my parents in a more mature way. Instead I was bitter towards them as I I wish I had handled my parents in a more mature way. Instead I was bitter towards them as I Felt abused by them. For reasons I won’t go into due to brevity I take responsibility for my part in this abuse.

I don’t know if you were diagnosed at the time your dad needed care, maybe you felt you could not give him what he needed, if this is the case it does not mean you were being horrible.

People on the spectrum often say will only need to be said, this can be taken People on the spectrum often say will only need to be said, this can be taken as rude by in error by people not on the spectrum.

Perhaps you felt that’s your dad would be in better hands with professionals, if so your intentions were honourable. Also your auntie may have Felt that you may have found it too much to care for him, this does not mean you are a bad person of an incapable person maybe both your auntie and yourself self he would be in a better place in hospital.

In this case it seems that it is one of those things where we are wiser in hindsight.

You realise you cannot change the past and you say you are trying to be nicer to people, not that I am saying you are not nice I am saying you felt you made an error and have learnt from that mistake. Some people like myself do not sing at times to be able to learn from mistakes and repeat them.

With regards to the social worker in the homeless Hostel you did not know you were on the spectrum.

as for the other lady you are newly diagnosed maybe you were getting used to this. You do say you are trying to make the effort to act in a way that you prefer but you have to be yourself.
People not on the spectrum often say more than their need to and people on the spectrum to see what needs to be said, to people not on the spectrum this can come across as rude.

being part of a couple is what a lot of people on the spectrum think they want and they go all out to get a partner.
When I was in my teens I went through a phase where I really wanted a partner and nobody came. When I was happy being single I found that people came to me when I didn’t want them to. This is what often happens, when we grasp for things they seem out of our reach but then we let go they come.

Going to places to do things we enjoy rather than pubs where there are allsorts of personalities, and just doing the things we enjoy and are there for the love of the activity Gives us a better chance to meet people who we have genuine common interests with.

The important thing is you have all of the future to spend time in places that you genuinely enjoyed and Making friends with people who genuinely have things in common with you. As I said above you seem to be learning along the way and not repeating things that do not serve you are at least you feel do not serve you.
 
I do, and have been working to accept them so as not to keep feeling the weight of them. For they can seem heavy if I focus too much on things I cannot change. I have made mistakes. But I can be better, learn and grow, and hopefully make fewer of them. Then I don't have to keep feeling regret. I only have to carry the past long enough to learn something from it. Then it's time too release it and come out from under it. I have to forgive myself so that I don't allow it to interfere with what comes next. The best way to honour the mistakes of the past is to make good choices in the present.
This sounds good.
I am and always have been a bad decision maker and while I don’t want to go into is here I feel the bad decisions of the past are going to spell the future and I do not mean this in a psychological sense I mean it in context of future events. I know I said I dislike Vagueness but it is too triggering for me to go into detail and this is not anything personal against anybody on here it is about me. People may not forgive me for past mistakes if they affect them and I will find it harder to forgive myself. I fear working on myself to forgive myself, then for consequences of past actions to anger people and for me to feel their anger in that me could make it harder for me to forgive myself.
I am the type of person to Hit myself if somebody hit me.
 
I do regret not taking my therapist seriously in high school. I honestly thought he was blaming everything on autism and just making assumptions because of my diagnoses. I was too wrapped up on what my mom told me and my therapist was contradicting my mother so I didn't believe him. I also thought he was being negative and making excuses for the double standards. I eventually ended up firing him when I was finished with high school and I was nearly 19 so I was legally an adult and could quit seeing him without my parents making me.

Parents, don't lie to your kids about their disability and how it affects them and don't pretend it's lighter than it really is. This was pretty confusing for me.
I bet it was confusing for you for your parents not to be fully honest with you and for you then to perceive your therapist as negative if in hindsight you felt they were telling the truth. You were only 19.

A parent lied to me and in retrospect it was to keep me dependent on them. I believe the lie and this believe in The night I was told cause me to make A naive mistake.
 
Only a couple of regrets looking back.
Mostly concerning being prepared for living when I became older.

There was one marriage proposal I wish I had accepted. I think it would have been helpful
to several people.
I worked with a man who became the minister and owner of a now nation wide metaphysical
school and meditational church. He had the idea and money and I had abilities.
From two people, we started this from the ground up.

We both had no families except for being care givers to our elderly mothers.
We weren't in love, but, got along like good friends and worked well together.
He though we should get together and the four of us could be there for each other.
Out mom's got along too.
He had health issues with his heart and didn't live many years after we got the centers
going.
I had always said no to marriage and just did it again. A lot of things would have been better
if I had said yes, I believe.

Another regret also concerned preparation for older age.
My Dad had bought an insurance policy for me when I was 12 that worked like an investment.
It grew each month with interest that you paid.
Ten years later, it's returns were large enough I could skip paying some months if I needed to
and it paid for itself.
Had I paid into it, like a savings account, there would have been plenty of money for the seniour
years.

But, in my 20's, Dad got into financial problems and ask for me to cash it in for the money to help him.
I did. I shouldn't have. But, since I lived at home and, well, we did need the money.
And now when I really need it the most I have none.
Plan for the future, even if you think that time may never come.
I feel that fiction novels prepare us for life, I have done a lot of research and I know I have mentioned it a lot on here.

I learned to read Is that before I was two years old or just after but I gave it up because I chose to place more important on name-calling by my dad.

I could have gained a lot of Life skills and positive role models instead of growing up naive and immature. I was not aware of what the citizens advice bureau did until of my 30s. There are lots of things I did not learn until late in life and I think this Held me back in life and made me naive as not all autistic people are naive.
you do not marry people for the benefit of others. You marry people because you both love each other in a way then is more than just friends.

money regrets are difficult you Were young and you thought you were doing the best thing at the time from what I can gather.
So long as your dad was not exploitative you were helping him which is honourable. Even if he was exploitative and you did not know if your intentions were good then why are you do not have the money now you might of had you should not beat yourself up over this as you meant well.

I have no future financial security and I am 54 years of age. This is a consequence of Mistakes that I made Mistakes that I made.
 
When the aspergers charity drop-in I attended re-opens, I'm going to make more of an effort to offer to play pool or chat with any service users who are new or any one if they look like they may like to chat
 
I regret most of the decisions I made in Michigan last year. I regret most of the decisions I've made my whole life. I regret all but one of the people I opened up to and fell in love with. I regret not being there for my dog. I regret going to school at Laurel and becoming an addict. I regret my suicide attempt (more than a year in an American hospital--very expensive). I regret not speaking up for the pool table in the basement (we used to have one--it was very cool--but my parents apparently didn't realize anyone was using it). Sometimes I regret being alive. I've done a very tiny number of good things. But nothing memorable. I will pass away one day and be forgotten. My life is unlikely to ever matter.
 
I regret most of the decisions I made in Michigan last year. I regret most of the decisions I've made my whole life. I regret all
but one of the people I opened up to and fell in love with. I regret not being there for my dog. I regret
going to school at Laurel and
becoming an addict. I regret my
suicide attempt (more than a year in
an American hospital--very
expensive). I regret not speaking up
for the pool table in the basement (we used to have one--it was very cool--but my parents apparently
didn't realize anyone was using it).
Sometimes I regret being alive. I've done a very tiny number of good things. But nothing memorable. I will pass away one day and be forgotten. My life is unlikely to ever
matter.

I think your life matters. Very sorry to hear you attempted suicide! I hope you don't feel suicidal again but if you do, you seek help right away.
 
I am happy when out to see families and couples as they are happy. Also in the animal kingdom I think families are cute, for example I saw a family of swans today. Sometimes if watching TV at home though, if I see a couple although happy for them I am sad at the same time, as I have regrets regarding two different women in my life who maybe possibly could have been my girlfriend, even if not being there friend was good too.
 
I regret a lot! not trying harder not to be in a bad mood if someone being rude put me in a bad mood on my way to the autism charity drop ins I attended. I think a woman may have liked me, I have a crush on her, her personality and looks, she let me play games on her phone, she helped me with candy crush on the pc I was using, she eat a meal next to me, we done a jigsaw puzzle together.
 
I was just at a bus stop/shelter. Earlier a man came and was waiting I could tell he had been drinking as he was staggering a bit and was hiccuping. Earlier a specific service was approaching, the man looked over at me just I thought as he's checking I wanted it as I was already here when he arrived, I thought I was standing far enough back for him to realise I wasn't wanting that bus, and I thought he was going to stop to let the driver know he wanted it, but he didn't, then he ran towards the next stop but he didn't catch it, it's cold, raining and he wasn't wearing a jacket, I hope I didn't cause him to miss his bus by mistake! He staggered back while waiting for another service but luckily didn't fall. I hope he gets home safe, I was thinking what if the bus he missed would have taken him to his stop but because he had to get another service (it's late and the service he was originally went for ended) I hope he gets home safe. I wish I had stepped further back or said to him I wasn't wanting that bus.
 
@Aspergers_Aspie, it is kind of you to consider if your actions resulted in anothers misfortune. But you did not cause him to drink until he was incapable of making rational desicions. He didn't miss his bus because yof you, he missed his bus due to his drinking.
Please don't carry this event around in your head. This event was one you observed, not caused.
You might argue if you had not been so close...
But if he had not been drinking he would have recognised that you were no barrier to his goal. Truly, this even is not on you. Let it go!
 
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I have some regarding the way I went about things early on in my life but otherwise I don't think things would have turned out very different. There is a reason for everything happening and I have my own doubts about the extent of free will. Yes I can suddenly for example against all reason quit my job, move to california, and strive to be the best cars salesman of all time but that wouldn't be the natural order of things at all. We always do the most natural thing as a response to every situation, otherwise it wouldn't have chosen and the complexity behind that is nearly infinite. Look back on everything you've done and you can probably see many other ways you could have done or handled something but try to put yourself in your own shoes at that time too. You probably can't because in that specific state it was the most fluid response to everything going on even if during the time there might have been thinking and hard options to consider. It's easiest to see this by taking time out of the view of it. That's why I don't take mine that seriously even if some are there.
 

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