Recommend a book for socializing

[William Weiler]

I have trouble with my child-like emotional understanding and approach but can get along okay. But people can slip into being impolite or treat me like a child. People can take shots at me under the radar and then prevent me from speaking up. I am just easily outmaneuvered. Just a lack of social skills.

 

[Streetwise]

I have trouble with my child-like emotional understanding and approach but can get along okay. But people can slip into being impolite or treat me like a child. People can take shots at me under the radar and then prevent me from speaking up. I am just easily outmaneuvered. Just a lack of social skills.

Try the bible and pride and prejudice author Jane Austen .

 

[Mia]

I have trouble with my child-like emotional understanding and approach but can get along okay. But people can slip into being impolite or treat me like a child. People can take shots at me under the radar and then prevent me from speaking up. I am just easily outmaneuvered. Just a lack of social skills.

I don't have any books I can recommend, as I've not read any about current social skills other than fiction.

Seems to me as if you need to learn assertiveness skills. Interacting with people can be difficult in rapid conversations. And taking your time in replying or interacting is something I and many aspies do. It makes people think that we are slow is some manner. As we do not reply immediately in certain situations.

Stressed out? Be assertive

Assess your style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? Do you say yes to additional work even when your plate is full? Are you quick to judge or blame? Do people seem to dread or fear talking to you? Understand your style before you begin making changes.

• • Practice saying no. If you have a hard time turning down requests, try saying, "No, I can't do that now." Don't hesitate — be direct. If an explanation is appropriate, keep it brief.
  • Rehearse what you want to say. If it's challenging to say what you want or think, practice general scenarios you encounter. Say what you want to say out loud. It may help to write it out first, too, so you can practice from a script.
    
  • Use body language. Communication isn't just verbal. Act confident even if you aren't feeling it. Keep an upright posture, but lean forward a bit. Make eye contact of some sort. Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. Don't cross your arms or legs. Practice assertive body language in front of a mirror.
  • Keep emotions in check. Conflict is hard for most people. Maybe you get angry or frustrated, or maybe you feel like crying. Although these feelings are normal, they can get in the way of resolving conflict. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible. Then work on remaining calm. Breathe slowly. Keep your voice even and firm.

 

[unperson]

not sure there are any, have same problems.

 

[Wolfsage]

Seinfeld.

Seriously though. If they do that just stay quiet. Or act like your in a hurry and tell them to text you.

 

[Kalinychta]

The New Me by Halle Butler

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Also Franny and Zoe

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Also Despair

I could go on and on. There are hundreds of books that have been published over the last few thousand years about loneliness and alienation and being an alien, of sorts.

What you’re really looking for is something that will lessen the blow and hurt of the cruelty of humankind. In my experience, literature helps, but only because I have been moved by words and stories my whole life. Although at the end of the day you just have to accept that humans are cruel, otherwise you’ll go mad.

 

[Thinx]

I am not sure that this is lack of social skills. Can you explain more what you mean by 'easily out manouvered'? You have insight into what happens, so I wonder if this is slow processing that is causing the problem? I am similar, and working on social skills doesn't help unfortunately. How do they prevent you from speaking up?

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing people's intentions are good when they are anything but good. So if you are being pushed to respond quickly, say loudly- l haven't decided or l will get back to you and stand your ground. If you feel childish, this may mean lack of confidence and or something going back to childhood. Did your parents treat you with respect?

 

[Exbrewer]

Although I have written a fictional book that touches on this, I'm not sure it would help very much. The fact that you recognize the issue is a good thing and may help you to avoid some of the situations you mention. Remember that very few people, Aspie or not, are good at everything. When you do have a bad experience try to make sure you remind yourself of what you are good at. I can't think of a specific book to recommend although 'Pretending to be Normal' by Liane Holliday Willey may be worth considering.

 

[unperson]

Reminds me of 'survivor' where you get blindsided. Presume malevolence and lying is probably the way to go, but I have a hard time employing it in situ.

 

[OkRad]

Socializing became much easier when I became unable to mask. Now there isn't an option so the stress of wondering if I did it "right" is gone. Yes, people may still slight me or talk to me like a child, but it doesn't hurt as much. I can focus on many other things when I am not on edge with masking complexities. I hope you are able to find a way to feel secure and safe.

 

[Finder]

I would do a search for some of Tony Attwoods videos online. He does discuss issues of socializing. You could start with the ones he has done for Autism Hangout as those have indexes to topic. Whether they address your specific difficulties, I am uncertain.

 

[Exbrewer]

I have trouble with my child-like emotional understanding and approach but can get along okay. But people can slip into being impolite or treat me like a child. People can take shots at me under the radar and then prevent me from speaking up. I am just easily outmaneuvered. Just a lack of social skills.

Apologies. After posting yesterday I remembered that you kindly replied to my introductory post a few weeks ago suggesting you would be prepared to read my book, The Cubic Pea, to let me know what you think (good and bad!). I would be very interested in your views. I am in the UK so am not sure of the best way of getting a copy to you but if you are interested in trying to work something out, please let me know.