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Recently moved in together, now worries

Liiina

New Member
Hi, this is my first time writing here, but I have eyed the threads before building up the courage to join.

I'm in my early 20s and moved in with my boyfriend of a year 5 months ago. I know I do a lot of masking of symptoms and have worked slowly to reveal to my boyfriend the extent of it all (meltdowns scare me the most to show). As my diagnosis is official in my home country but not where we live now, we are not getting any support although that would be beneficial.

I do not have enough theoretical knowledge to explain everything and it scares me that he sees my sensory issues, need to be alone, and meltdowns as manipulative or self-absorbed.

Today I came very close to a meltdown but avouded it by being alone in a dark room with a pre-made playlist. Right after I struggled through a short family meeting and then needed to calm down again. I apologized to him for changing my original plans (chores). I said I was sorry for not being more active and he replied "don't worry, you just think of yourself".

I'm worried I'm not capable of living in a "normal" relationship.
 
l think you did great! I always spent time away from ex when married. But our 2 cats or my sweet baby girl was there. Now l really miss cats. My daughter is no longer a child.
 
I'm worried I'm not capable of living in a "normal" relationship.

Understandable, but probably not true. What works best is a partner who understands ASD and 'gets' you. You may not meet a person who is like that already but a thoughtful person who really cares can learn. Quite a few of us here have had lifelong relationships with NT spouses, partners, etc.
 
Understandable, but probably not true. What works best is a partner who understands ASD and 'gets' you. You may not meet a person who is like that already but a thoughtful person who really cares can learn. Quite a few of us here have had lifelong relationships with NT spouses, partners, etc.
Oh I really like the point of being willing to learn, that is very true. I have provided some texts for him and we have had some long talks. However these were mainly in the beginning of the relationship. Perhaps I have seemed to him "too normal", because that is something I get told a lot...
 
Try to be you at least some of the time 'pretending and masking' are exhausting and drip by drip if you can trust the person you may be able to be more 'you' and balanced, i hope all works out for you.
 
Oh I really like the point of being willing to learn, that is very true. I have provided some texts for him and we have had some long talks. However these were mainly in the beginning of the relationship. Perhaps I have seemed to him "too normal", because that is something I get told a lot...

ASD is complicated. Professionals go thru years of study and practical experience before they start to understand. We ourselves go thru a long period of figuring out and understanding this nature that doesn't fit the standard models in many ways. And ASD 1 is hugely diverse in how it presents itself. Yes we are 'NT' in many ways but also ASD, and no two of us is alike. Your partner probably thinks he has an idea about what it is all about and is very likely much mistaken. He really has likely just scratched the surface.
 
I don’t think there’s such a thing as a normal relationship. Each couple has to figure out what works for them. And your boyfriend telling you to think of yourself seems like a good thing :)
 

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