random thought about myself

[ChrisC1983]

sometimes on a hot day, eventhough i hate being hot.. i'll turn the AC off for a while just to listen to the person talking next to me with any 3rd noise going

 

[tree]

Even though I know what 'right' and 'left' mean, last night when I was
cranking the window open, I was cranking it shut. I tried it both ways,
several times. I know left is loose and right is tight, but turning the
handle in a circle confuses me. I am very poor at direction, moving or
not.

 

[watersprite]

On my walk my thoughts went from neutral, to sweetly empty while appreciating the hundreds of trees in this town, to neutral, and then to negative but my mind started reviewing threads from AC and that really helped.

 

[N64boy96]

I have the daredevil complex with my ears. Loud stuff just makes me cover my ears and scream out like the church bell scene from the movie. Some people think it's funny but i guess I'm the only one who's not laughing.

 

[Beverly]

New year's Even my facial recognition went on vacation. I have known both DJ and Jake for years, they look nothing alike and yet, all day I wanted to call Jake DJ and, still call DJ DJ as well. Where was my brain?

 

[tree]

Did the other kids 'stare' [look at] the
dandelions and then look away, to amuse
themselves? I did. I don't remember when I
didn't know about afterimages.

 

[qwerty]

Did the other kids 'stare' [look at] the
dandelions and then look away, to amuse
themselves? I did. I don't remember when I
didn't know about afterimages.

i think many people are too busy to look
at anything long enough, it makes me
smile thinking of you studying daisies, i
think its what makes you brilliant.

 

[Mia]

Was I the only one,
who chewed on plants to taste them?
and spat out the bitter ones.

Was I the only one,
who sat in trees
and heard their whispers?

Was I the only one,
who lay in the spring
covered in soft mud?

Was I the only one,
who walked in the river,
and heard its singing?

Was I the only one,
who knew that they
were alive?

 

[ChrisC1983]

while i do wish i was more of a social butterfly, i am glad that the people who do end up liking me and sticking around are.. at their core.. good people. even if they're having trouble in the life or they're just a bit crazy or heavy alcohol/drug users. i don't have a "friend" category for people as it would make me feel obligated to do anything they ask of me and remove the work aspect of the relationship which i enjoy.. but others would consider them friends

maybe someday they'll be within 10yrs of my age lol

 

[clg114]

70!!! How in the hell did that happen? I am going to make a new declaration. 70 is the new 40. Pass it on.

 

[tree]

The extent to which I use my hands/arms to
illustrate what I am saying is useful in more than
one way.

A. People understand what I say more clearly because they can see it
B. People watch the illustrative gestures/hand movements instead of
looking me in the face which would be distracting for me

I don't mean I gesture instead of using words.
The pictures made with my hands are illustrations of the words people
hear.

 

[N64boy96]

I can do this thing where mentally I shut myself down. It's a defense mechanism I adopted when I was a teenager in foster care living with my Aunt (she was psychologically and sometimes physically abusive.) After being bombarded with words like Fag, Retard, stupid, ugly and F.a.s baby I just started doing it without even realizing I was. It's not a black out, I'm still there with you but my mind goes somewhere else when someone starts yelling at me. Everything I do is automatic (simple nods when you ask me anything.) I'm 20 now and I can't stop doing it. I've become so used to doing it I just do it when you're yelling at me.

 

[ChrisC1983]

I'm still there with you but my mind goes somewhere else when someone starts yelling at me.

i'll do the same thing, both for yelling or just when a situation becomes too much. the problem being that it happens automatically at this point and i personally hate driving and haven't been doing it very long so i'll "blank out" or whatever you want to call it. which goes unnoticed usually when just around people.. i can still hear, respond, but i won't really move at all and i can't move my eyes but i still blink... usually on purpose to try and get myself back so there's a few seconds of no blinking, then a build up to fast blinking and a head shake. any sensory stuff can set it off.. like the street lines reflecting on the windshield or someones tail light infront of me, or construction and such (too much visual stuff going on), or the noise of the AC or window open (it's about the same for me.. i do it automatically around power tools as well. i actually did it so long a few days ago that by the time i got home i couldn't open my eyes due to my headache and i had to vomit.. but couldn't which is worse to me)

i'm just glad i can blink to get myself out of it.

 

[N64boy96]

I'm just happy I got a good head on my shoulders otherwise if **** got to real in this state I would do something I regret