Alright. So, I don't really know where to start and how to keep this short, so I shall organize this as best I can linearly.
My Symptoms:
- No empathy or sympathy for any living person, even if I actively try (sole and absolute exception being one friend of mine whom I love dearly); read, I feel nothing for people, neither positive nor negative (also means I often have a lot of trouble understanding or relating to what people think and feel)
- Only respond emotionally to great art (stories, drawn art, music...), maybe even exaggeratedly so
- Extreme difficulties dealing with the presence of too many people for too long (I get extremely agitated, restless and cognitively overloaded; worst case scenario = complete mental breakdown)
- Obsessive-compulsive behaviors (move hands or fingers in certain ways until satisfied, save documents in very particular ways because it "feels right", touch the surfaces of certain objects in particular ways...)
- Get agitated, very uncomfortable and jumpy when people talk to me or touch me against my will (I'm fine if I'm the one initiating it though)
- Can't ever get myself to stop obsessively analyzing myself, people, my surroundings, everything (need things like 3D-sound ASMR or very complex and immersive entertainment to get my head to stop "buzzing" for a bit)
- Get very agitated at irrational behaviors and illogical or unjust circumstances (regardless of whether or not I'm personally involved at all)
- Exaggerated perfectionism that I can't seem to ever tone down
(I am twenty-six years old now, and have previously been misdiagnosed with ADHD and social phobia in my childhood.)
My Situation:
Need a proper black-on-white autism or Asperger's diagnosis to receive help from employment agency in order to be able to get a vocational education and job I can actually live with and do properly.
My Problem:
Had my last appointment today for the diagnosis.
Enter the room, doctor immediately comes off as... "standoffish". Tried to ignore that and be polite.
Was actually the first time I met him, the previous two appointments (which were the main questions and psychological tests) were with different people.
So I explained the entire thing to him again in full. Everything. Basically gave him my life history all over again, in addition to the tests that were done during the last two appointments.
Here's a summarizing number of quotes from towards the end of today's final appointment.
[Disclaimer: All these quotes are as literal and translated from German as perfectly as possible.]
Him: Well, I don't think it's autism, I'll fill in "not on spectrum". [He drew attention to and made a point of him filling that in, for some reason]
Me: Okay, but... then what is it?
Him: Maybe you just have an obsessive personality.
Me: [Pausing, perplexed for a second] ... and that can make me be so averse to the presence of people, and have such mental breakdowns when exposed to it? And that can cause all these obsessive-compulsive things I-
Him: Well, maybe you're an obsessive brooder and just can't stop yourself thinking all the time.
Me: [I was actually startled for a moment, stopping short at "Wha-" for a second] But then how does it fit in that, despite being alone almost all the time, I never feel lonely, and have this absolute zero compassion or empa-
Him: Maybe, after the things that happened in your past, you just decided for yourself that emotions are a bad thing.
Me: But I told you, there is that one friend I absolutely love... and I really wouldn't say I think emotions are a bad thing, at all. And like I said, these things only started getting worse after I started doing much better for a good while. I don't understand how-
Him: [Again, literal] Well, that's complicated questions you're asking me there. I don't know.
Diagnosis:
He doesn't know. Or... well, "obsessive brooder." (...!?)
I have no idea what that is even supposed to mean.
But not autism or Asperger's, he says, for reasons he... didn't explain. He didn't explain himself to me at all.
I suppose he technically listened to everything I said - he just... proceeded to directly contradict or ignore it, and then told me I'm an "obsessive brooder" / that he doesn't know.
At my doubts he also (again, literally) told me:
"Well, that is what I think. You have to deal with that."
Which, no matter whether he's right or wrong... but is it just me, or is that not a thing a doctor or psychologist should ever say to a patient looking for help...?
Please tell me if I am wrong...
... but didn't something go awfully wrong here, and was I not awfully mistreated?
If so... what do I do now...?
My Symptoms:
- No empathy or sympathy for any living person, even if I actively try (sole and absolute exception being one friend of mine whom I love dearly); read, I feel nothing for people, neither positive nor negative (also means I often have a lot of trouble understanding or relating to what people think and feel)
- Only respond emotionally to great art (stories, drawn art, music...), maybe even exaggeratedly so
- Extreme difficulties dealing with the presence of too many people for too long (I get extremely agitated, restless and cognitively overloaded; worst case scenario = complete mental breakdown)
- Obsessive-compulsive behaviors (move hands or fingers in certain ways until satisfied, save documents in very particular ways because it "feels right", touch the surfaces of certain objects in particular ways...)
- Get agitated, very uncomfortable and jumpy when people talk to me or touch me against my will (I'm fine if I'm the one initiating it though)
- Can't ever get myself to stop obsessively analyzing myself, people, my surroundings, everything (need things like 3D-sound ASMR or very complex and immersive entertainment to get my head to stop "buzzing" for a bit)
- Get very agitated at irrational behaviors and illogical or unjust circumstances (regardless of whether or not I'm personally involved at all)
- Exaggerated perfectionism that I can't seem to ever tone down
(I am twenty-six years old now, and have previously been misdiagnosed with ADHD and social phobia in my childhood.)
My Situation:
Need a proper black-on-white autism or Asperger's diagnosis to receive help from employment agency in order to be able to get a vocational education and job I can actually live with and do properly.
My Problem:
Had my last appointment today for the diagnosis.
Enter the room, doctor immediately comes off as... "standoffish". Tried to ignore that and be polite.
Was actually the first time I met him, the previous two appointments (which were the main questions and psychological tests) were with different people.
So I explained the entire thing to him again in full. Everything. Basically gave him my life history all over again, in addition to the tests that were done during the last two appointments.
Here's a summarizing number of quotes from towards the end of today's final appointment.
[Disclaimer: All these quotes are as literal and translated from German as perfectly as possible.]
Him: Well, I don't think it's autism, I'll fill in "not on spectrum". [He drew attention to and made a point of him filling that in, for some reason]
Me: Okay, but... then what is it?
Him: Maybe you just have an obsessive personality.
Me: [Pausing, perplexed for a second] ... and that can make me be so averse to the presence of people, and have such mental breakdowns when exposed to it? And that can cause all these obsessive-compulsive things I-
Him: Well, maybe you're an obsessive brooder and just can't stop yourself thinking all the time.
Me: [I was actually startled for a moment, stopping short at "Wha-" for a second] But then how does it fit in that, despite being alone almost all the time, I never feel lonely, and have this absolute zero compassion or empa-
Him: Maybe, after the things that happened in your past, you just decided for yourself that emotions are a bad thing.
Me: But I told you, there is that one friend I absolutely love... and I really wouldn't say I think emotions are a bad thing, at all. And like I said, these things only started getting worse after I started doing much better for a good while. I don't understand how-
Him: [Again, literal] Well, that's complicated questions you're asking me there. I don't know.
Diagnosis:
He doesn't know. Or... well, "obsessive brooder." (...!?)
I have no idea what that is even supposed to mean.
But not autism or Asperger's, he says, for reasons he... didn't explain. He didn't explain himself to me at all.
I suppose he technically listened to everything I said - he just... proceeded to directly contradict or ignore it, and then told me I'm an "obsessive brooder" / that he doesn't know.
At my doubts he also (again, literally) told me:
"Well, that is what I think. You have to deal with that."
Which, no matter whether he's right or wrong... but is it just me, or is that not a thing a doctor or psychologist should ever say to a patient looking for help...?
Please tell me if I am wrong...
... but didn't something go awfully wrong here, and was I not awfully mistreated?
If so... what do I do now...?
