Question about Time Blindness, maybe

[Tired]

Not sure is it his time blindness or autism or what, but this happened many times already.

There are some moments when my SO becomes rather...let's call it unfocused. For example I was waiting in a car for him to go fix clothes and come back. After 40 minutes of sitting in a car I called him asked what is going on, and he told me that he was fixing a window of some our neighbor and telling her what meds to drink for her leg etc (he's a doctor). I asked him why didn't he call me. He said "I was in a hurry and tried to finish as fast as possible." I again asked why didn't he call me or just walked to me because i am like 20 meters away. He said "I didn't know it was an option." Like what does that mean?!?!?! We both have mobiles or course. He has a time blindness btw, and even tho he has a mobile and a watch, he just forgets to look at them. So I guess when someone puts him in a position where he needs to hurry, his brain just switches off, I don't know. It pissed me off that day because it was cold in the car. I am trying my best not to be nosy and not call him "where are you" immediately, cause maybe he's on the toilet or a call, but damn I was so pissed off... he of course behaves very apologetically and feels stupid about it. I don't want him to feel stupid, I want to see can we do anything so he doesn't behave like this. This is just 1 of many situations connected to him not calling/writing and making me wait, sometimes for hours. I know he can't multitask properly, but I am not sure this is one of those things.
Another layer on all this is that I tend to worry and imagine the worse. So while I sit in a car and wonder did he hit his head on something and died in the bathroom, he just fixes someone's window. And I am not even starting on how he could firstly tell that woman "just a moment, let me contact Anna and tell her that I'll be late."

I don't know. Hate those situations yet they happen and happen, spiking my anxiety, and when I find out what actually happened - spiking my annoyance. Is there anything which can be done so he remembers that yes, calling me is an option?

 

[Forest Cat]

You waited in a cold car for 40 minutes? That's impressive in a strange way. I'm not sure why that would happen, didn't know it was an option.... that's a little weird. Maybe just tell him to call and not leave you waiting in a car for 40 minutes next time.

Time blindness, forgets to look at his watch, ok, but he knows you are sitting in a car, right? Or does he forget you are there? If he has been working on something for a long time and he knows you are sitting in a car, I don't know, it's strange.

 

[Tired]

Time blindness, forgets to look at his watch, ok, but he knows you are sitting in a car, right?

He remembers i was there and he was constantly repeating to himself while working on the window "Need to work faster, Anna is waiting."

he knows you are sitting in a car, I don't know, it's strange.

the problem is that I guess he doesn't understand that i'm sitting there for that long, because time works differently for him? I dunno as well

 

[vergil96]

Well, it is strange that he didn't call you that it's going to take longer.

I have been in similar situations in the sense that I was supposed to call someone, something went not like expected, I didn't call. The element that prevented me from calling was also the expectation of the other people for me to hurry up and "just get things done" that were easy for them, but extremely hard for me and I was overstimulated and vegged out. I knew that if I called, I they will be angry with me and because I was overstimulated and mentally paralysed, I would barely know how to respond, just in a few monosyllables, unable to focus and explain anything in full sentences. And that would also get me shouted at. I got exhuasted, stuck, unable to get unstuck and afraid to get shouted at without any constructive feedback. I also had no realistic idea of how much time the things might take me, since something that was supposed to take 10 minutes was taking *hours*.

But I'm not your partner, maybe he wasn't as brain-stuck and simply didn't know what was expected of him and hyperfixated on the tasks, only realising too late how much time has passed and not knowing if he should call or just finish the task. And setting up a procedure for such events will solve the problem.

 

[Masked Man]

That sounds like ADHD to me. I have a coworker - I don't know him super well but enough that I've noticed these habits about him. He will get involved in a task and completely forget everything around him. And often, it's not even the task he should be doing, it's like yeah that needs to be done, but it's not a priority.

I've had to read up a bit on ADHD and dopamine mining to really understand it better - do you know if he has ADHD? If he's autistic, he may also have ADHD as I understand it's often diagnosed together.

 

[Tired]

He does have a lot of ADHD traits... But he did remember that I was in the car.

 

[Forest Cat]

the problem is that I guess he doesn't understand that i'm sitting there for that long, because time works differently for him? I dunno as well

Yeah but let's say you look at a watch and it's 12:30. Then you look at it again and it says 13:15. Then some time has obviously passed by and if someone is waiting, they have been waiting for 45 minutes. So I don't know, it just seems odd. Time might work differently for some but clocks are very straight forward, easy to understand.

 

[Tired]

Yeah but let's say you look at a watch and it's 12:30. Then you look at it again and it says 13:15. Then some time has obviously passed by and if someone is waiting, they have been waiting for 45 minutes. So I don't know, it just seems odd. Time might work differently for some but clocks are very straight forward, easy to understand.

He doesn't look at the watch, that's the problem
He just thinks "I'll do this very fast cause Anna is waiting," instead of doing "hey i'll call Anna say i'll come later."

 

[Tired]

I was overstimulated

He was already overstimulated, maybe that was the thing.. Thank you for your input, I really see him in some things you explained.

 

[vergil96]

Now it doesn't happen any more, because I know I should just quit whatever I'm doing and go home or not leave, and my family and friends understand what is happening and that I need to cancel the plans, have a break and might not be very communicative. They even want to help and it's nice of them - give me a drive home or they come to my place for a moment and bring some takeaway

 

[Judge]

In as much as I used to teach time management to coworkers, I must admit this is not a term I recalled seeing in this forum up until now. Thanks for posting!

The good news? There does appear to be much information online about this condition.

The bad news? As I said above, I don't recall it being ever discussed. And yet it is succinctly stated to be associated with autism, ADHD and OCD. And apparently it is not a formal medical term the DSM recognizes.

Making me wonder if this is a condition that remains contested amongst medical professionals, or if it simply amounts to a medical mystery ? Where mental health experts are reticent to comment as they don't really know themselves, and yet don't want to project it to the public.

Yet there is plenty of information and suggestions to consider about it in terms of executive functioning:

"Time blindness is not a diagnosable medical condition and it does not appear in the DSM ; instead, it’s a colloquial term used to describe persistent difficulties in understanding and managing time. However, many of the problems it describes—such as poor time management or problems meeting deadlines—are included in the diagnostic criteria for ADHD."

Time Blindness

 

[Judge]

He just has to work on it and be better I'd say and stop doing things like leaving people to wait. That's what I learned when I was younger.

Rational, though it may come down to gauging one's irrationality. In essence their ability at self-discipline.

The link I provided also states specific strategies one can employ to better their sense of time management, but it all still comes down to a matter of self-discipline. And whether or not one possesses it or not at all.

If not, they may be a non-starter in this context. Just as with considerations of executive functioning. Where some manage it better than others, while a few may at best manage themselves in part and never in whole.

 

[cooljethro]

I have a former friend who is neurodivergent. He mentioned he experienced time blindness, way back in 2007. That was the first I heard of it from an actual person and also the last person I heard it from.

 

[Judge]

Now I'm beginning to wonder if "Time Blindness" is related to the "Missing Time Phenomenon" ? Both seem to fall into the realm of colloquial terms...likely absent from medical textbooks.

Missing time is something I have experienced on rare occasion associated only with shutdowns. (Sans any "alien" considerations.) Otherwise I've always had a rather honed sense of promptness.

Missing Time Phenomenon - AWAKEN Center for Human Evolution

 

[Roisin]

Something like this could happen to me...

Im on my track, the task has been thought through and surprises are unlikely to happen as I've spent time considering everything. (Getting to car)

Something social occurs and now, Im veering off my track, but, thats not what I want, so I attempt 2 tracks simultaneously. There is steam hissing from my brain as I attempt this, my capacity to do both things has a time limit. (Neighbour)

Add in a manual task and I need a third track, I'm likely frazzled now, but I'll push that down and deal with the cost of all this later on. (Window)

I know time has passed, but honestly, holding all those tracks in place has used a chunk of energy and I'm not sure if I can connect with 'how much time' has passed.

Add in a phonecall/message conversation and I'm certain my brain wont cope with a fourth track. (No communication)

I struggle with time management, I can guess the time, day or night with surprising accuracy, usually to within 5 minutes, but knowing how long a task will take? Nope, I usually underestimate.

My difficulties with time pressured tasks featured in my ADHD diagnosis process.

 

[Lou Laurinen]

My partner and I are both autistic and have ADHD, and things like this happen all the time, more so with him than with me. I would definitely describe him as having time blindness.

Sometimes he will be very focused on something and doesn’t realize several hours have gone by. Sometimes he thinks he’s only been occupied for a few minutes.
He often goes for hours without checking or replying to text messages.

I don’t know if there is a genuine medical terminology for it, but it’s an extremely common ADHD symptom.

 

[Judge]

Sometimes he will be very focused on something and doesn’t realize several hours have gone by. Sometimes he thinks he’s only been occupied for a few minutes.
He often goes for hours without checking or replying to text messages.

Good point. This may apply to many of us. I know when I occasionally become hyper-focused, I do indeed lose all track of time. Suddenly irritated by a lack of sunlight only to realize that I lost track of how long I had been at something.

 

[Tired]

Now I'm beginning to wonder if "Time Blindness" is related to the "Missing Time Phenomenon" ? Both seem to fall into the realm of colloquial terms...likely absent from medical textbooks.

Missing time is something I have experienced on rare occasion associated only with shutdowns. (Sans any "alien" considerations.) Otherwise I've always had a rather honed sense of promptness.

Missing Time Phenomenon - AWAKEN Center for Human Evolution

I just randomly called it like that, cause I know about the Face-blindness which he also has, so thought it's fitting...

 

[Tired]

Something like this could happen to me...

Im on my track, the task has been thought through and surprises are unlikely to happen as I've spent time considering everything. (Getting to car)

Something social occurs and now, Im veering off my track, but, thats not what I want, so I attempt 2 tracks simultaneously. There is steam hissing from my brain as I attempt this, my capacity to do both things has a time limit. (Neighbour)

Add in a manual task and I need a third track, I'm likely frazzled now, but I'll push that down and deal with the cost of all this later on. (Window)

I know time has passed, but honestly, holding all those tracks in place has used a chunk of energy and I'm not sure if I can connect with 'how much time' has passed.

Add in a phonecall/message conversation and I'm certain my brain wont cope with a fourth track. (No communication)

I struggle with time management, I can guess the time, day or night with surprising accuracy, usually to within 5 minutes, but knowing how long a task will take? Nope, I usually underestimate.

My difficulties with time pressured tasks featured in my ADHD diagnosis process.

Thanks for your comment, it explains a lot of what is going in his head (maybe), I just wish I wasn't forgotten or sat aside in those moments...

 

[Tired]

I think it's important to remember that this not a problem that is impossible to do something about. I also lose track of time and can hyper-focus on things, but I'm aware of it. I know I sometimes do that. So I make sure it doesn't create problems for other people. It's important to not say "oh I can't do anything about this" and use excuses and just keep screwing up again and again. These are things adults have to handle, we have to handle our own problems and things.

So your boyfriend has a problem with time, losing track of time, not looking at watches and being a little inconsiderate. That can be fixed, he just has to fix it.

Yeah, I told him that yes, calling me IS AN OPTION. Hopefully he will remember it next time(s), sigh. Thanks for your input tho.