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Question about Time Blindness, maybe

Tired

Tired

vegan NT
V.I.P Member
Not sure is it his time blindness or autism or what, but this happened many times already.

There are some moments when my SO becomes rather...let's call it unfocused. For example I was waiting in a car for him to go fix clothes and come back. After 40 minutes of sitting in a car I called him asked what is going on, and he told me that he was fixing a window of some our neighbor and telling her what meds to drink for her leg etc (he's a doctor). I asked him why didn't he call me. He said "I was in a hurry and tried to finish as fast as possible." I again asked why didn't he call me or just walked to me because i am like 20 meters away. He said "I didn't know it was an option." Like what does that mean?!?!?! We both have mobiles or course. He has a time blindness btw, and even tho he has a mobile and a watch, he just forgets to look at them. So I guess when someone puts him in a position where he needs to hurry, his brain just switches off, I don't know. It pissed me off that day because it was cold in the car. I am trying my best not to be nosy and not call him "where are you" immediately, cause maybe he's on the toilet or a call, but damn I was so pissed off... he of course behaves very apologetically and feels stupid about it. I don't want him to feel stupid, I want to see can we do anything so he doesn't behave like this. This is just 1 of many situations connected to him not calling/writing and making me wait, sometimes for hours. I know he can't multitask properly, but I am not sure this is one of those things.
Another layer on all this is that I tend to worry and imagine the worse. So while I sit in a car and wonder did he hit his head on something and died in the bathroom, he just fixes someone's window. And I am not even starting on him firstly telling that woman "just a moment, let me contact Anna and tell her that I'll be late."

I don't know. Hate those situations yet they happen and happen, spiking my anxiety, and when I find out what actually happened - spiking my annoyance. Is there anything which can be done so he remembers that yes, calling me is an option?
 
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You waited in a cold car for 40 minutes? That's impressive in a strange way. I'm not sure why that would happen, didn't know it was an option.... that's a little weird. Maybe just tell him to call and not leave you waiting in a car for 40 minutes next time.

Time blindness, forgets to look at his watch, ok, but he knows you are sitting in a car, right? Or does he forget you are there? If he has been working on something for a long time and he knows you are sitting in a car, I don't know, it's strange.
 
Forest Cat said:
Time blindness, forgets to look at his watch, ok, but he knows you are sitting in a car, right?
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He remembers i was there and he was constantly repeating to himself while working on the window "Need to work faster, Anna is waiting."

Forest Cat said:
he knows you are sitting in a car, I don't know, it's strange.
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the problem is that I guess he doesn't understand that i'm sitting there for that long, because time works differently for him? I dunno as well
 
Well, it is strange that he didn't call you that it's going to take longer.

I have been in similar situations in the sense that I was supposed to call someone, something went not like expected, I didn't call. The element that prevented me from calling was also the expectation of the other people for me to hurry up and "just get things done" that were easy for them, but extremely hard for me and I was overstimulated and vegged out. I knew that if I called, I they will be angry with me and because I was overstimulated and mentally paralysed, I would barely know how to respond, just in a few monosyllables, unable to focus and explain anything in full sentences. And that would also get me shouted at. I got exhuasted, stuck, unable to get unstuck and afraid to get shouted at without any constructive feedback. I also had no realistic idea of how much time the things might take me, since something that was supposed to take 10 minutes was taking *hours*.

But I'm not your partner, maybe he wasn't as brain-stuck and simply didn't know what was expected of him and hyperfixated on the tasks, only realising too late how much time has passed and not knowing if he should call or just finish the task. And setting up a procedure for such events will solve the problem.
 
That sounds like ADHD to me. I have a coworker - I don't know him super well but enough that I've noticed these habits about him. He will get involved in a task and completely forget everything around him. And often, it's not even the task he should be doing, it's like yeah that needs to be done, but it's not a priority.

I've had to read up a bit on ADHD and dopamine mining to really understand it better - do you know if he has ADHD? If he's autistic, he may also have ADHD as I understand it's often diagnosed together.
 
Tired said:
the problem is that I guess he doesn't understand that i'm sitting there for that long, because time works differently for him? I dunno as well
Click to expand...

Yeah but let's say you look at a watch and it's 12:30. Then you look at it again and it says 13:15. Then some time has obviously passed by and if someone is waiting, they have been waiting for 45 minutes. So I don't know, it just seems odd. Time might work differently for some but clocks are very straight forward, easy to understand.
 
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Forest Cat said:
Yeah but let's say you look at a watch and it's 12:30. Then you look at it again and it says 13:15. Then some time has obviously passed by and if someone is waiting, they have been waiting for 45 minutes. So I don't know, it just seems odd. Time might work differently for some but clocks are very straight forward, easy to understand.
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He doesn't look at the watch, that's the problem :)
He just thinks "I'll do this very fast cause Anna is waiting," instead of doing "hey i'll call Anna say i'll come later."
 
Now it doesn't happen any more, because I know I should just quit whatever I'm doing and go home or not leave, and my family and friends understand what is happening and that I need to cancel the plans, have a break and might not be very communicative. They even want to help and it's nice of them - give me a drive home or they come to my place for a moment and bring some takeaway ;)
 
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