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Pushing Yourself vs Forcing Yourself

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by pelecanus87, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. pelecanus87

    pelecanus87 Well-Known Member

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    Aspies have to try particularly hard to gain social skills and experience. It can be difficult to know the difference between pushing ourselves to gain valuable social experience and forcing ourselves into situations in which we just aren't a good fit.

    When we force ourselves into situations that we do not fit into well, we often needlessly come away with feelings of failure and discouragement. However, if we never step outside of our comfort zone, we never learn anything new. This is a more or less universal struggle, but I believe it is especially hard for people like ourselves.
     
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  2. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I agree. If we want to live independent lives and reach our full potential, we need to push ourselves beyond our comfort zone at times.

    However, pushing ourselves too far can be counter-productive and even harmful, as we may develop mental health issues such as axiety, or depression when we find ourselves unable to cope and crash out.

    Striking the right balance, knowing our limits and how far to push ourselves is hard. We often have to learn the hard way, but it's something we can learn with time.
     
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  3. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    If I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone I wouldn't be able to do half the things I do now. I want to work on my social skills and such, but I prefer it being done on my terms aka in done slowly. I don't do well being thrown into new social situations without knowing what to expect.
     
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  4. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    I find it very challenging to know when and how hard to push myself in all areas of life....if I step past a certain point, I will have a meltdown and be so exhausted I will require a disheartening and frustrating amount of recovery time.... Usually I also create more work/difficulty for myself (it's like "a stitch in time saves nine [stitches, because you had to redo nine of them thanks to the error you made because you were not being careful about how fast you could actually go]" except it's more about watching my stress and exhaustion levels than about how fast I can do something) in addition to possibly developing an aversion to whatever-it-is-I-was-trying-to-do that I then have to get past....

    It is a fine line between pushing myself and setting myself up for disaster, and I have recently realized that part of the reason it is so hard for me to walk that line (or even see where it is in the first place) is because it doesn't stay in one place (for me it doesn't, I mean); There are so many variables that determine where that line is at any given point in time.....I am sort of a prisoner of the moment and I have working memory issues, so it can be very difficult for me to consider all of those variables and properly think through the consequences of my options when I am trying to decide what is and is not realistic to expect of/hope for myself and I often just give up trying to figure it out and push ahead without thinking about it.
     
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  5. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    Well said. Might I add that pushing yourself is a choice, a choice to grow; forcing yourself is making the choice to knowingly bite off more than you can chew.
     
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  6. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    I push myself way too hard lots of times, then of course stumble. I find myself burnt out on LIFE, worried and upset. Basically thats where I am now, but I will find the energy to go do this again and again I suppose... Or go find me a cabin in the mountains and just stay there and let the world do what the world does.

    When you know you don't fit in, sometimes it gets hard to push whats not natural from inside.
     
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  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes there is no difference between pushing or forcing one's self. That on occasion, you must crawl before you can walk. Where the destination may be more important than how you get there.

    However conversely if you arrive at a place that doesn't agree with you, it doesn't mean you must necessarily live with it either.
     
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  8. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    Totally off-topic, but this has been my contingency plan in case I can't deal with things anymore for so long. It's like "I'll do it man. I'll frickin do it. I'll go totally Ted Kaczinsky up in this mother."
     
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  9. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    My feelings exactly... Sometimes the only thing I want in life is for people to leave me alone, not ask me whats wrong, not try and fix me, not try and change me, not try and force me into situations I know are nightmares for me... but they just wont do that mostly.
     
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  10. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Hey chance, i can easily do that.
    As it means doing nothing :)
    Did you make it to the canyon?
     
  11. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    No, too much chaos at home... I wish I had just turned around and never came back home.
    It seems some people cant stand to give anyone any space, or room to be themselves, without causing as much drama as possible to make themselves be the forced focal point of another persons life... Makes me wanna puke basically.

    I'm already planning my next trip for this fall to Vancouver BC... I will go through there then.

    I will stop cause I will derail post...
     
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  12. Voltaic

    Voltaic Most likely a real person V.I.P Member

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    i dont like it when I have to force myself, let alone when other people force me to do something. It is one of the worst feelings that i come across on a normal basis. i found a way to circumnavigate it thought, I tell my brain i want to do what i need to do, becuase it would be in my best intrest, and benifnitial for the future. something i want to do. of course, like i am avoid my messy bedroom right now, i wont alway do the hard things just out of will, but sooner or later, on my own acord i will agree with myself whatever is needed to be done, is worth doing right at that moment.