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Probably the wrong place to ask this,

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Randomperson, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. Randomperson

    Randomperson The abyss of my mind.

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    but what is love? I am genuinely curious. From my own limited experience with interactive life, it should be the polar opposite of hatred, with which I am far to familiar with. I know both are mainly chemistry in the brain, but what is it that sets them off?

    Also, why are emotions so confusing and hard to predict?

    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    This can be a very complex question as love has different means for different people. I can only speak for me. Love for me is someone gives me support, funny, easy going, loves adventure and etc. Emotions can be complex for me at times. Been in relations with the girl I'm with giving me hints she wants something but I don't always detect her signals well.
     
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  3. Ereth

    Ereth Well-Known Member

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    Love is a strong positive emotional attachment. I'm only describing the tip of the iceberg here, as there are different kinds of love, but generally speaking, if you find yourself often thinking about a person, and really looking out for his or her welfare---not just because you're duty-bound by laws or morals to do so, but because you genuinely care about what happens to that person, that's love. If there is a metaphorical gaping hole in your heart when that person isn't around, that's love.

    I'll try to add a personal touch: I realized I loved my boyfriend when, after a long friendship, I could not go through a single day without thinking of him, and of how I wanted to share his pain and make him smile.
     
  4. Harrison

    Harrison The Mad Taoist

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    I think 'love' is primarily a chemical reaction, I can dose myself up with Oxytocin and feel the same effects.

    Maybe it's based upon Maslow's hierarchy of needs, or attachment theory?

    Certainly seems that when people talk about love they are talking about fulfilling a need.

    Modern civilisation has certainly obscured the base meaning of love. The ancient drives that formed sociability and breeding based upon future survivability have all but gone. Co-dependency is often mistaken for love, as is wealth and status.

    An over rated word, love should be confined to poetry ;)

    (Can you tell I'm not in a loving mood today?)
     
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  5. Grumpy Cat

    Grumpy Cat Well-Known Member

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    That was so romantic. :rolleyes: Grumpy Cat would "love" you!
     
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  6. Randomperson

    Randomperson The abyss of my mind.

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    I can certainly understand you on the underlined section, I find the bulk of society and its "accepted" and "encouraged" behaviors beyond disgusting. I grew up around a bunch of mean angry people that self medicated so that always seemed like a bad idea to me, and whenever I was given narcotic pain pills for broken teeth or what not I certainly did not feel good when on them so I did not go that route myself.

    But it is on my to do/bucket list to have some understanding of love and other positive influences, I am just so tired of negativity.
     
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  7. Raul

    Raul Researcher

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    The starting definition captures the essence of love. There is a book written by C.S. Lewis called ,, The Four Loves ". The author tries to describe these types of love from a christian and philosophical perspective.
    The first one is Storge - Affection. It is the love that family members express towards each other.
    The second one is Philia - Companionship which reffers to love between close friends who share similar interests or activities.
    The third one is Eros - Romance - Just like the proximal term says its all about romatic love. But it should't be confused with Platonic Love which doesnt involve any body interraction or sexual experience lets say.
    Not lastly Agape - Its Gods love for humanity. Also called unconditional love , its ever lasting, the problem is you don't see it at every corner in life.

    For me love means to feel butterflies in the stomach. Its very hard for me to describe the sensation because its very complex like Penguin stated.
     
  8. Randomperson

    Randomperson The abyss of my mind.

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    Well that does help some at least, it confirms I did not just blindly ignore love at some point before due to not noticing or recognizing it at the time. And gives me some clues to look for from now on.
     
  9. xXGrizeldaXx

    xXGrizeldaXx Well-Known Member

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    Unknown.jpeg True love to me is being more concern for that person than myself, and wanting them to be happy or at least not suffering. Its a hard question , all different types i suppose, but love can hurt you horribly too if its not recipicated or abused You have to be brave to open your heart.
     

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  10. epath13

    epath13 the Fool.The Magician.The... V.I.P Member

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    Whatever you decide it can be. Every person is different, and, I'm sure those people who don't just repeat some standard statements about love but speak from their heart (I mean, trying to explain it with their own words, the way they really experience it) will have more or less different opinions. For many years I've thought you have to find out or figure out what different emotions are, now it seems to me that after careful observation of yourself and others you can decide what any feeling could mean to each individual. And it's ok to change your mind after a few years, we change, develop, evolve. For me love is a connection between people, when you want to be with them, or simply wish them well, love is compassion (when you want other people to be in peace with themselves and the world around them, overcome their troubles, or even help them). The way we experience emotions could be different from the way other people (not on the spectrum) experience them, but then every person on this planet may experience emotions in a different way regardless where they are on the spectrum or whether they are on the spectrum at all.
     
  11. Antonio

    Antonio Well-Known Member

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    I think love means to desire good for another person. That's a broad definition, not specifically romantic love, it can include the "like" we have for a friend or love for family members and be part of the feelings for a significant other.

    So in this sense it doesn't have to be just an emotion in your brain, it can be a decision. You can decide to will for good things to happen to another person even if you would get some good neurons firing if bad would happen to them. I think that's love.
     
  12. Vanilla

    Vanilla Your friendly neighbourhood hedgehog V.I.P Member

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    I think there are many people who don't quite understand what love really is. Many mistake lust, or dependency for love. You can be in a relationship with a person, and both love each other dearly, or there may be no love present there at all. The worst type of relationship to be in, is one where only one of you is in love. Some people fall in love easily, and some struggle to see it at all.

    For most, you can't quite understand what it is exactly, until you find it. Once you do find it though, you'll know exactly what it is, although in some cases there are those who aren't able to recognise it until they have lost it forever. It can present itself in various different forms for different people. Love is generally involuntary, but if embraced, and reciprocated, it can be extremely life altering, and blissful, but on the opposite extreme, it can also tear a person apart. I once read a quote, which compared love to a socially acceptable form of insanity. Essentially though, I beleive that love (true love) is a naturally occurring drive, which brings out the best in us, and causes us to care for a particular individual more than we care for ourselves.

    'Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.'

    - I Corinthians 13

    *Edit: Also, I beleive it is said that the opposite of love is not in fact hate, but indifference. If emotions seem confusing to predict, of course this is something us Aspies can struggle with (including myself at times). As you have stated that your style of thinking tends to be very logical though, this may be the answer to your question. Emotions tend not to be logical (though a study in psychology might assist to make it more so). They can occur despite our best intentions. If you'd like a scientific reason, I'm afraid you've already answerd it with "chemicals in the brain". A product of evolution, which enables us to select the genes which compliment our own. After all, if love were not to exist, would we bother to reproduce, and care for our young? Perhaps then this is more the answer you're hoping for: BBC Science | Human Body & Mind | Science of Love
     
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  13. Rudy Schmidt

    Rudy Schmidt Electric Child

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    The definition of "love" seems to depend on who you ask. I'll try and summarize my own definition.

    I'll use my wife as an example. The factors in our relationship that make me want to call it "love" are:

    - Ability to not wear the Social Mask, because the true self (selfish and self-absorbed as it is) is accepted
    - Ability to be perfectly honest without fear of repercussions (in fact, honesty is encouraged)
    - Someone to listen to your gripes without getting mad at you for having them
    - General supportiveness
    - Someone you tend to mesh well with. What I mean is that your similarities compliment each other (we both like similar films and books, so we have common interests to share), but so do your differences (she loves people and I'm a loner, so when we pull up at a drive-through, she does the talking). Things like that.

    I don't know. There's all kinds of emotional factors too. Just being very happy (and safe) in their company, not having to watch what you say.

    I thought this would be an easy question to answer, but now I feel like I'm trying to wade through quicksand in flip-flops. :/
     
  14. rollerskate

    rollerskate Sora De Lumina V.I.P Member

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    The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. It also is not about what others do for you but genuinely wanting to do for them regardless of return if any. It's taking an active interest in another person's well being no matter how right or wrong you think they are or even if you currently hate them.
     
  15. Randomperson

    Randomperson The abyss of my mind.

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    Can I request further clarification on this please? If love is not hates polar opposite what is? I honestly never considered apathy to be the bi-polar of love.
     
  16. Harrison

    Harrison The Mad Taoist

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    It has been fascinating reading the responses. 'Love'; such a small, simple word that seems to have no explanation, a word that seems to inherit the characteristics of other words.

    In the above posts I have seen what I might call 'compassion' ascribed to 'love', similarly 'symbiosis', 'selflessness', 'politeness', and so on. So, can we say that 'love' is a definable, stand alone concept, or is it simply a word that encompasses a range of actions and reactions?

    I wrote my 'Mr Spock' response earlier as a benchmark for myself, whilst I believe that much of what people claim is love can be ascribed to the hierarchy there are things that, perhaps, can't.

    When I stand alone on a hill watching a sunrise and I am moved to tears for no apparent reason, is that love?
    I see an elderly couple walking slowly hand in hand and I fell like my heart is going to break, is that love?

    There are things that, each day, cause me to experience an affinity so deep in my being that I have no control over the reaction, it is so powerful and subtle that it overrides what is 'classically' expected of me as an Aspie. In those moments I am lost in the desire to be a part of that thing and in the understanding that I am indeed a part of that thing even if just for a moment.

    For me, that may be love. It asks nothing in return, is independent of rational cause, is fragile enough to disappear in a heartbeat, and yet moves me to long for its return.

    I have never had a name for that, maybe I don't want to name it. After all, it is said that when we name a thing we have power over it, and in all honesty I would prefer to be subservient to it.
     
  17. Sass

    Sass Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure that anyone really understands love, and the ways it can be expressed and felt are probably as many and varied as the people who feel it. I just knew I loved my husband. One moment I was extremely interested, the next I was in love. Something changed, and I don't know what it was, but it did, and so did my view. So I know I love him, but I don't need to know why I love him.
     
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  18. Randomperson

    Randomperson The abyss of my mind.

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    Yes, so far there does seem to be an underlying thing, love is highly illogical, and with my extremely logic oriented brain wiring, that does explain why I have had difficulty trying to wrap my own mind around it. Still, I know more now then when I asked, so progress was made.
     
  19. rollerskate

    rollerskate Sora De Lumina V.I.P Member

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    Love and hate are both forms of passionate emotions. In fact you can hate someone and still love them. You can love someone and still hate them. Either way, both are extreme forms of emotion that are directed at someone. Both take a lot of energy and focus on what is going to happen to that person, what you want to do with them, etc.

    With apathy though, you just don't care about them or what happens to them. That's why it's the polar opposite of love more so than hate is. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but apathy is another currency altogether.
     
  20. rollerskate

    rollerskate Sora De Lumina V.I.P Member

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    Love and hate are both forms of passionate emotions. In fact you can hate someone and still love them. You can love someone and still hate them. Either way, both are extreme forms of emotion that are directed at someone. Both take a lot of energy and focus on what is going to happen to that person, what you want to do with them, etc.

    With apathy though, you just don't care about them or what happens to them. That's why it's the polar opposite of love more so than hate is. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but apathy is another currency altogether.