Primary School

[UseQ]

Hello,
I'm a father of an 8 year old with diagnosed ASD. Since nursery he's having issues, outbursts of angry behaviours (screeaming, throwing stuff).
It mild down with age but still happens when his at school. Due his behaviour he is on reduced hours (2 hrs) for last 6 months and on/off reduced for all his eduction.
School is strugling , he has EHCP and one-to-one, still even with 2 hrs in school they can ring and ask us to come and pick him up.
We are waiting for specialist placment but looks like it will take ... no one knows how long.
He probably would be on Asperger scale, but nowdays it's all ASD. Extremly intelligent, very much into tech (no unsecured device/network is left alone, even conected to a restaurant screens at stansted airport) but refuses to work at school any writing or maths he goes into his " I cant do it its to hard" mode. He ususaly can do it in 5 minutes, but first it's a 45 minutes fit about it.
School is at the point where they just want to get rid of him (our opinion) maybe not all of them (some are trying really hard) but if he goes tommorow they will be happy (not that I don't understand it)
So what can I do any therapy or something (I have ask school and various specialists at school no one knows)

 

[Streetwise]

So is bad behaviour always viewed as autism in schools now?

 

[UseQ]

So is bad behaviour always viewed as autism in schools now?

No he is diagnosed, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Limited Attention, Sensory Processing Difficulties, more like instead looking trough autism it's viewed as bad behaviour

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

This is how kid s act to get out adults' attention. when they are frustrated, I even remember this when I was in grade school 60 years ago when I tried to be friends to a fellow troubled kid. He used the F word repeatably on the playground with the teacher. kicked out of school talking to him his dad was never home. no mom. This was before e divorce was common.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I think the most difficult (and I daresay, brattiest) ages are on average: seven, nine, eleven, and fifteen.

At these ages, when they act out and scream and tantrum, it is your job as a parent to lay down the law (with love and logic of course). Be strict. It is a battle of wills. The child must learn who is in charge, and that things do not revolve around their whims.

One thing that usually helps is setting up a weekly chart on the kitchen wall. Perhaps vertically, there is a list of good behaviors, and horizontally, you list the days of the week. Every task that a child completes, you put a sticker, or draw a happy face. Every time they slip up, put an X. Be consistent, without being harsh.

At the end of the week, if there are no "X"s on the chart, take the child out to the park or somewhere else special. Maybe serve ice cream sundaes at home. Do this every single week, all year long. It really does help.

Also, a short list of "house rules" can be written on a big posterboard, on the wall. Try to refrain from using "NO" statements. Maybe instead of "No Shouting", you can write "Inside voices only". That way when the child is yelling, you can say "Remember, Inside voices." The incentive for the end of the week reward is often enough to cool the hottest temper.

Getting the child into sports will be good for your child to learn about rules and community life. Plus they'll burn off a lot of that energy.

Church is really good for kids. Besides the obvious religious benefits, children learn early rising, politeness, morality, community living, and how to interract with a wide range of people of different ages and ethnic backgrounds. Little old ladies love the Sunday School kids, and will become surrogate grandmothers and mentors to them.

Strictness is necessary. Taking toys, time outs, grounding, and long lectures will be a big part of this age phase.

It'll make you stronger as an adult too. Just remember that you are disciplining them into the way they should go as adults. It is an act of love.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

With my so everything changed when he reached puberty.

 

[tazz]

I find it a little surprising that the responses so far have focused on the child misbehaving rather than what might be causing it. I guess I sort of assumed you already tried the usual parenting stuff and you're here because none of that worked. My immediate thought was that this is an extremely difficult situation - given that the behaviour may be caused by ASD. It doesn't strike me that laying down the law is going to help in the way that it might for a child without autism. I have behaviour problems and even after growing up and trying for years, I still can't control them very well at all. The thing that worked best for me was finding the right environment where I could be comfortable, and then I didn't act up so much.

Specialist help seems like a good thing. Someone who can assess what environment your child needs to feel comfortable. I guess you can also do this yourself although without specialist training it'll be a bit more guesswork, and a trial and error process.

I'll also add that I went to a church of England primary school with daily religious lessons. And I found that really difficult because none of what I was being told as fact seemed to be realistic, and if I asked for details no-one was able to provide any. I needed the world to make sense, to be logical, and when I was being told fanciful stories from the bible my autism kicked in and it was like an earthquake in my brain. Then in secondary school, which was a secular school, I had the same trouble with arbitrary rules such as having to wear a tie - I couldn't figure out how wearing a tie related to getting an education. It caused me all sorts of distress. I was labelled a trouble maker and lazy, and suspended a couple of times, but actually I was really eager to learn and frustrated that the irrelevant tosh kept getting in the way.

During my college years I met a professional software developer at a local computer shop. He offered to mentor and teach me in return for taking some of the simple repetitive work off his hands. I spent weekends and school holidays working with him and because we were both focused on the work and it played to my strengths - my behaviour was good. Over the years I've thought a lot about that guy. He taught me about teamwork, morals, professional ethics, and integrity in general. He got through to me in ways that none of the teachers could.

 

[tazz]

To add a little context to the college years info... I was also suspended from college at one point because I was being "disruptive" in class. In particular it was a statistics class. I already studied stats on my own a year or two earlier because I was interested in the math. I recall being bored in that class. I still don't really understand what I was doing wrong to get suspended, but the teacher was very upset about it. So it's an interesting comparison that at the same time I was apparently behaving really badly in class, I was also working really well with the guy I met at the computer shop. Different environment, more appropriate level of learning maybe, I don't know. Whatever it was, it worked.

 

[Rodafina]

Looking at the underlying unmet needs of a child can really help in understanding what to do about unwanted behavior.

For example, there can be a great deal of anxiety performance with children, particularly those with autism. There can be a desire for perfection, and a fear of being watched or evaluated.

One of the most difficult things to pinpoint can be intrinsic motivation. Many children are initially guided by extrinsic motivation. They do what is expected of them and what others want from them. This is an understandable development as children are often being told what to do in the hopes of teaching them how to do these things on their own. But learning to please others can be difficult, especially if there are processing issues and difficulty understanding social expectations for an autistic child. The development of intrinsic motivation can be much harder to foster, but it will ultimately lead to more success.

This is typically related to also nurturing a growth mindset. You can read more about this approach here:

How to Motivate Children: Science-Based Approaches for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

The intrinsic motivation to learn about the world around us begins in infancy. Learn science-based strategies to encourage children's intrinsic motivation.

developingchild.harvard.edu

 

[UseQ]

This is how kid s act to get out adults' attention. when they are frustrated, I even remember this when I was in grade school 60 years ago when I tried to be friends to a fellow troubled kid. He used the F word repeatably on the playground with the teacher. kicked out of school talking to him his dad was never home. no mom. This was before e divorce was common.

Well my son is more into uncontolable screaming or making noises, he does't swere as he knows its bad

I find it a little surprising that the responses so far have focused on the child misbehaving rather than what might be causing it. I guess I sort of assumed you already tried the usual parenting stuff and you're here because none of that worked. My immediate thought was that this is an extremely difficult situation - given that the behaviour may be caused by ASD. It doesn't strike me that laying down the law is going to help in the way that it might for a child without autism. I have behaviour problems and even after growing up and trying for years, I still can't control them very well at all. The thing that worked best for me was finding the right environment where I could be comfortable, and then I didn't act up so much.

Specialist help seems like a good thing. Someone who can assess what environment your child needs to feel comfortable. I guess you can also do this yourself although without specialist training it'll be a bit more guesswork, and a trial and error process.

I'll also add that I went to a church of England primary school with daily religious lessons. And I found that really difficult because none of what I was being told as fact seemed to be realistic, and if I asked for details no-one was able to provide any. I needed the world to make sense, to be logical, and when I was being told fanciful stories from the bible my autism kicked in and it was like an earthquake in my brain. Then in secondary school, which was a secular school, I had the same trouble with arbitrary rules such as having to wear a tie - I couldn't figure out how wearing a tie related to getting an education. It caused me all sorts of distress. I was labelled a trouble maker and lazy, and suspended a couple of times, but actually I was really eager to learn and frustrated that the irrelevant tosh kept getting in the way.

During my college years I met a professional software developer at a local computer shop. He offered to mentor and teach me in return for taking some of the simple repetitive work off his hands. I spent weekends and school holidays working with him and because we were both focused on the work and it played to my strengths - my behaviour was good. Over the years I've thought a lot about that guy. He taught me about teamwork, morals, professional ethics, and integrity in general. He got through to me in ways that none of the teachers could.

Thank you very much, sounds a bit like my son.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Swearing at the teacher carried more weight 60 years ago. I always wondered what happened to this kid.