Positive framing of autistic traits

[RemyZee]

I like parallel play and unfortunately can't always find people who are comfortable enough in their own space to be in shared activities without a need to necessarily socialize. I've just discovered the Quaker Church and of all places I've found it to be the most representative of being in communion with other people without the effort and demand to socialize. I think that is very difficult to find, and maybe it is partly cultural....at lease in my own culture there is a lot of pressure to always be interacting through language, and for me, I'm not hard of hearing, but it can be next to impossible to follow what people are saying, and I am in a constant state of being lost whenever I'm in a conversation.. So finding ways to be around people that aren't about what is said but about what is done has always been more natural for me, but unfortunately I haven't found many places where that's how things are done, but am always looking for autistic friendly spaces.

 

[Shamar]

I have noticed something, I see some traits as "can't do this, can't do that". Such as - I can't go to a shopping mall, because they give me panic attacks and make me feel exhausted. I can't hear someone speak - I have hearing loss (notice the "loss"). I can't attend parties.

But what about framing it in a different way? There are things I can do and like. But I have to admit I don't know myself about forms of socialising I feel good with and enjoy. It's not my career that it impacts, but social life, I feel left out and like everyone is socialising and having fun together, and I can't.

There is also dating. I want to date and there is nobody in my immediate surroundings that would be suitable and who I'm attracted to. My circle of immediate coworkers is small. I have looked into dating apps and there is this one app called Boo, for intoverts who like to talk with each other instead of swiping photos (yes, that's me). And... that feels like too much small talk too, unfortunately. I don't enjoy that, the too general conversations. I don't see myself making any progress on this app, even though it's introvert-friendly. But I don't know how to meet more people who I actually would be interested to talk to. I like to talk about my job / tech, mostly, I believe. About foreign languages, art, sports to some degree.

Note the negative mindset. Can't, won't, don't know. This internal dialogue makes me feel bad about myself and I'm annoyed at this point of view at this point. Maybe we're not broken fish for not swimming, but birds that can fly? Even if autism is an impediment, constant criticism of yourself certainly isn't helpful, it's counterproductive.

So... do you have any ideas? What are we, (introverted) autistics good at and what do we like? As opposed to dislike.

I don't know if you have been around long enough to see this explanation. I got tired of being judged by what I CAN'T do instead of what I CAN do. The result is my avatar and signature. They go together.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I like parallel play and unfortunately can't always find people who are comfortable enough in their own space to be in shared activities without a need to necessarily socialize. I've just discovered the Quaker Church and of all places I've found it to be the most representative of being in communion with other people without the effort and demand to socialize. I think that is very difficult to find, and maybe it is partly cultural....at lease in my own culture there is a lot of pressure to always be interacting through language, and for me, I'm not hard of hearing, but it can be next to impossible to follow what people are saying, and I am in a constant state of being lost whenever I'm in a conversation.. So finding ways to be around people that aren't about what is said but about what is done has always been more natural for me, but unfortunately I haven't found many places where that's how things are done, but am always looking for autistic friendly spaces.

I am personally mystified by the dearth of autists in Quaker meetings. In many ways it is perfect for autists. Silence among people. No pressure for any particular belief system. No stress on socialization. If you've been there long enough so they know you, there is a lot of support there too.

Quakers are supportive of the rights of all people, including those with disabilities. They are supportive of LGBT+ and some of those couples find a refuge in Quaker meetings. They have testimonies for peace, simplicity, environmental responsibility, equality for all.