Playing the Aspie Card

[watersprite]

thanks Judge I answered or responded to the question(s) from within the ethos of my immediate family, and the thread is actually about a bigger picture? I hope my info. was useful anyway. To adjust: no, I would not use my diagnosis as an excuse with the general public. If I am weird, then so be it.

 

[Judge]

thanks Judge I answered or responded to the question(s) from within the ethos of my immediate family, and the thread is actually about a bigger picture? I hope my info. was useful anyway. To adjust: no, I would not use my diagnosis as an excuse with the general public. If I am weird, then so be it.

Many of us are linked by a common language, but how our respective countries and cultures handle the subject of autism...oh my. Sorry if I strayed from the original thread. But honestly such concerns come up with most threads, where I find myself looking at who asks what, and first wondering whether they reside in the US or not. It often makes a huge difference in how to answer or discuss the issues at hand.

In my own case it kind of spooks me to think I might go full-Aspie on my cousin. That would probably go badly for both of us. Whether she understood what was happening or not. I'm not even sure about that. My most frustrating relationship, with the one human I'm likely to have occasional, but sustained contact with.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

It has occurred to me that an employer with the wit and compassion to put large, dimly lit "quiet" rooms, without clocks, and with comfortable seats, and a mandate of no conversation, in all of its buildings, may be one I can trust to know.

I'm still holding the Ace. I'm pretty sure some people are starting to put it together after last week's meltdown. Starting a new job has been rough. But I'm starting to ask for what I need--like a relief scribe after too many meetings with too many people.

I got teased/tested in public today. We had a visitor from Organizational Change Management who wanted to interview teams on how they're doing while the managers are in the room. (No one is surprised that this idea was voted down.)

Apparently I was too quiet in the meeting. My own boss asked me how I'd feel providing feedback in public and I couldn't help myself, the idea was ludicrous, I just laughed. Somehow my mouth managed to keep moving on script while my head was wondering if this was NT friendliness or pack behavior inspecting the newbie. Both/and? It didn't feel unfriendly, but I have bad memories about groups of people. So I'm a little confused, but tomorrow's another day.

I'll take issue with one thing. Our individual success is our responsibility, but we can't do it alone--and that idea shouldn't be alien to anyone engaged with the business of the world whether they're on the spectrum or not. As someone once said, we are people through other people. We do our best. What they see is not our responsibility, but we do live with it. No one can just become what other people expect them to be if those expectations are outside what we're capable of.

Aspergirl, it's a dilemma. We will never be accepted in the the
coo coos nest. The inmates run the show.
I think Aspers may consider Asper driven enterprises, co ops or corps. My thinking is if we can't gain respect by out thinking and out performing those that cast dispersions upon us, than perhaps we can out compete our detractors. All Aspers Enterprises.
I have no idea what 20 Aspers in a closed room could accomplish.

Do what you will. Hang in there the best you can. Self respect is easier kept, than restored when lost. Please don't let them grind you down.
I am sure that this community is strong and willing to share the load with you.

 

[Harrison]

Wow, this has become a very empowering and uplifting thread. Playing a card often has negative connotations such as seeking pity or an easy out, but we have several examples of people turning that around to an opportunity to educate, advocate, and get what is rightfully theirs. Bravo. This gives me a model with which to guide future endeavors.

Thank you, I was trying to find the words to follow on from what I said. You had them.

I have never played the card out of pity. MY card is who I am, who you have to deal with, if you must, and what you should expect in response. My card is not about my weaknesses, it's about my strengths. The job I have now I solely owe to being an aspie, my boss hired me because he knew what Aspergers was, and, in his eyes, he was getting a great bargain. I didn't tell him I might have a meltdown someday, or that I might stim, but I did tell him that he would get a hardworking and dedicated employee with a 100% focus. He has never regretted his choice.

If you use the card to sell your weakness then you are dead in the water.

Like Judge I often look to see which side of the pond the post is from, it seems there is far more bigotry within the workplace, and community, than there is over here.

My village knows me well, we also have a community of auties in several homes that regularly meet up on the green. Our local policeman is transexual (F->M) and everyone has given up on working out the ethnic mix of the area. The greatest thing is that we look out for each other, irrespective of race, religion or abilities. Yes, it can go wrong and when it does we close ranks.

Maybe I have just been lucky, or maybe I made my own luck. Who knows


Edit - Just thinking. In my area we have Aspire, an organisation to help aspies, and Sanctuary, a large private housing group that offers homes to auties/aspies who would be homeless. They are homeshare schemes, but it is better than the streets.

Not such a bad place to live really.

 

[On the Inside]

My card is not about my weaknesses, it's about my strengths.

Either no one here plays the card out of weakness, or they're not admitting it. But I will confess to wanting to at times. It comes from having continued needs, wants and expectations that I haven't been and probably never will be able to meet. In these cases, it seems my strengths, whatever they may be, may not be enough to overcome the weakness.

 

[Harrison]

Either no one here plays the card out of weakness, or they're not admitting it. But I will confess to wanting to at times. It comes from having continued needs, wants and expectations that I haven't been and probably never will be able to meet. In these cases, it seems my strengths, whatever they may be, may not be enough to overcome the weakness.

If you need to play the card then do so. Only you know your needs and how they must be met.

 

[Slithytoves]

I knew that part. I was wondering whether having a disability is more socially acceptable over there, whether in GB &/or Europe, than here in the states?

Oops. Sorry, Kestrel. You never can tell. I use that expression now and then and find myself surprised by who isn't familiar.

Anyway, I think it's a hard comparison to make. In some ways disability seems to be more accepted in GB/Europe, given more accommodating laws and better public awareness in some places, as both assist changing attitudes over time. But proportionate to the time I've personally spent on both sides over the years, I've met just as many intolerant/ignorant/misinformed people on each. "Invisible" disabilities in particular seem to be a tough sell anywhere. People tend to best believe and accept what they can see.

So that when I see such issues like "playing the Aspie Card", the first thing that comes to mind is the likelihood that here in America, the average person you encounter may not have a clue as to what you are trying to communicate. That across the pond, or even in New Zealand or Australia people in general may have a better understanding of autism.

Agree? Disagree? Am I way off on this? Just wondering. I'm thinking when Slithytoves moves to the UK her experiences could prove quite valuable to us all in comparing the two nations in any number of ways.

I was just talking to a friend in the UK about this subject, and he agreed with what I've got some evidence to suspect: regular citizens living countries with strained health care and social service systems, which now includes much of the Eurozone, are slipping in tolerance for many kinds of disability. And the citizens of those countries are subject to the same biases we are in the States about people gaming the system, which makes them more suspicious of anyone claiming an invisible condition for any reason.

I've also learned over a couple of decades of travel back and forth to the UK in particular that the availability of good information doesn't necessarily translate to broader consumption, digestion and acceptance of it. The key factors in matters of tolerance seem pretty universal: relative scarcity of and competition for resources, history of personal exposure to a disability/condition, personal/political ideology, and to some extent, social class.

Yeah, I will be actively investigating similarities and differences once I move. Not with an eye toward assessing cultural superiority (I'm pretty down on the U.S. in a lot of ways, hardly an exceptionalist), but for my own interest and benefit.

 

[Slithytoves]

Either no one here plays the card out of weakness, or they're not admitting it. But I will confess to wanting to at times. It comes from having continued needs, wants and expectations that I haven't been and probably never will be able to meet. In these cases, it seems my strengths, whatever they may be, may not be enough to overcome the weakness.

I would absolutely whip out my card in a position of weakness. In my case, though, those are most likely to happen socially, and my family and friends are sensitive enough that I don't have to. I get out of having to use it in more general social situations by simply avoiding them.

What's an example of a situation where you feel you would want to play the card out of weakness?

 

[Progster]

Personally, I would use it if I were:

In some kind of trouble with the law as a direct result of my AS
In hospital.

 

[Slithytoves]

Play the aspie card? No. I do however need to get real with myself regarding situational sensory overwhelm, learn to read my body's signals better, and with guidance, devise some good scripts to advocate for myself effectively.

My success is my responsibility!

That's all true. I would say, though, that knowing when to use your Aspie Card is part of taking that personal responsibility. I'm not advocating for using it indiscriminately or for pity, for pity's own sake. But like I tell people I advocate for (in a number of minority communities, not just on the spectrum), making others aware can be for your own good, and for the greater good as well. Teachable moments are often those in which we are trying to get our own needs met.

 

[qwerty]

Oh, I have no doubt. I just see America relatively behind the curve in terms of both the public, and even the professional medical establishment. Enough so that whenever anyone here posts a question, it's more likely than not that where they reside will influence the probabilities and possibilities of the care they seek.

So that when I see such issues like "playing the Aspie Card", the first thing that comes to mind is the likelihood that here in America, the average person you encounter may not have a clue as to what you are trying to communicate. That across the pond, or even in New Zealand or Australia people in general may have a better understanding of autism.

Local support for autistic people here locally seems to be built exclusively around the objectives and mentality of Autism Speaks. Effectively leaving adults like myself out in the cold.

Of course this is only my somewhat jaded perception and opinion on that subject. Sure there are complex differences in healthcare services...but I believe public understanding and awareness of autism in general is likely to be far better overseas than here.

Agree? Disagree? Am I way off on this? Just wondering. I'm thinking when Slithytoves moves to the UK her experiences could prove quite valuable to us all in comparing the two nations in any number of ways.

Speaking as a New Zealander I can say that there is little to no adult support services. There are plenty of options for children, which is fantastic to see but the adult services are non existent.

Thats why I strongly believe in adult aspies creating sustainable services for ourselves. I see a great opportunity for people such as your self who have a clear idea that the public understanding is low and what things you would like to see as an available, beneficial and helpful service for aspies. Maybe you could start with something as simple as putting up some ads for a casual get together for any local aspies, and discuss needs, offer community.

I have been thinking of doing this for awhile too. I know an old colleague of mine who has heaps of experience as a group facilitator who also has aspergers, and I myself have worked in the social services and have a fair idea of how to hopefully get at least 1 group up and running. Hopefully creating a mission statement and working towards sustainability and then establishing community groups in some of the major cities and towns working towards a common goal of fellowship and support for aspies everywhere.

I remember my Grandfather always saying how much he admired the salvation army and the good work they do for people. After he died I tried to honor him by working for the salvation army. I worked for them in their addiction services and various other services for over five years. The most amazing thing I have ever seen and been privileged to have a small hand in, was seeing groups of people who had nothing, who were literally begging for food to survive come together and support trust and help each other. Having fallen through societal cracks that were still there for others to fall through, they began to find ways to try and mend them.

Someone in this community has a quote on there user profile saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world" I could not agree more with that sentiment, sorry I forget whom in particular that is.
That is so true, as Judge said NT' or the health services have no real idea of what aspergers even really is. Do we really want people who have no idea of our needs creating the services we will end up using?
We know our needs, we know what might help and what we don't know we can learn by getting together and talking about it.
Let us be the change we want, the change we need.

This community has some of the most intelligent, creative, compassionate wise and experienced people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. We have people with so many skills here, we have people with so much kindness and moral strength to share, people who together can shift the status quo, who can help save lives, change lives, bring about a better tomorrow.

We can shift the Zeitgeist of what it means to have aspergers, together we are strong.

 

[Slithytoves]

Thats why I strongly believe in adult aspies creating sustainable services for ourselves. I see a great opportunity for people such as your self who have a clear idea that the public understanding is low and what things you would like to see as an available, beneficial and helpful service for aspies. Maybe you could start with something as simple as putting up some ads for a casual get together for any local aspies, and discuss needs, offer community.

We know our needs, we know what might help and what we don't know we can learn by getting together and talking about it.
Let us be the change we want, the change we need.

Wow, Qwerty. What an inspirational post! I'm with you, that mutual aid is our best answer. I've worked with small, local mutual aid groups for the LGBT community, the homeless, the Jewish community, an African immigrant group, and a group on an American Indian reservation. It's amazing how people with the same needs and perspective can build a strong network together just by taking the initiative to meet up, explore, and work out a plan. Identity can have tremendous power when shared.

When I move to the UK later this year, I'd love to meet some other local Aspies and see what the landscape is like for the spectrum community. That will probably have to wait a while, though. I have a partner to settle in with and a lot of practical things to get up and running before I'll be in a position to do anything external to my own household. I definitely want to use my skills and experience in some way, eventually. What exact form that will take remains to be seen.

It's good to know you're another person around here who has done social services work. I enjoy exchanges with spectrum people with that range of skills and experience. I wish there were more of us.

 

[qwerty]

There seem to be quite a few of us with experience working in the social sector and others who have the benefit of knowing the services having experienced them.

BTW I am really happy for you and Harrison. I think you two have a wonderful life ahead of you.
You are both very humorous, smart,wise and supportive people who deserve all the happiness
you could possibly carry.

This community has been an amazing support for me, and both you and Harrison are like
pillars that help support this place.

It must have been great working for the lgbt community.
The passion I see in the people from those supports, the real authentic care and nurturing
support is truly inspiring. I envisage a very similar supportive environment for those on the
spectrum.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[AsheSkyler]

Either no one here plays the card out of weakness, or they're not admitting it. But I will confess to wanting to at times. It comes from having continued needs, wants and expectations that I haven't been and probably never will be able to meet. In these cases, it seems my strengths, whatever they may be, may not be enough to overcome the weakness.

It would seem wise to admit you're having to draw the line due to a weakness, even it's a sense so strong it becomes a weakness. (Like sharp ears or nose..) I usually turn the card over on both sides when I need to use it. "See, if you want me to make your records sing and do all this incredibly helpful research for you *turns card over* then sit down, shut up, and quit poking me!!" Perhaps I need to scribble "tact is tied to patience" on the back of it as well?

 

[On the Inside]

What's an example of a situation where you feel you would want to play the card out of weakness?

They are mainly about re-establishing boundaries and renegotiating commitments and responsibilities. Supplying any more details will only sound like whining.

when to use your Aspie Card is part of taking that personal responsibility

I guess I have a hard time wrapping my head around how admitting that I can't do all that I said I could and would do is taking personal responsibility. Seems just the opposite. I am very comfortable with what being an Aspie means socially, if people have a problem with my behavior and tendencies, F-them (very politely, of course). But I have really struggled academically, economically, and all those other things that responsible adults seem to be able to manage. I've just barely kept my head above water and always feel the whole thing could collapse at any time. That is where I would most seek to play the card, if I thought there would be any benefit.

While I am very inspired by your's and Qwerty's (wow, that's an fun and easy name type!) I often feel I just have to admit that I'm not that strong of a person. I have had a long time of feeling embattled and poorly served by my tendency to shut down when what I need to do is stand up, get to work and make my case.

 

[tree]

When is the last time you played your "Aspie Card" for any reason?

When do you do it most?

Does it usually help?

How do you feel about using it?


View attachment 18691

Nice graphic.
IDK
I don't think I understand the questions.

 

[Judge]

I don't think I understand the questions.

I took it as deliberately applying one's Aspieness to their advantage. Just not something I'd likely choose to do.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Thank you, I was trying to find the words to follow on from what I said. You had them.

I have never played the cared out of pity. MY card is who I am, who you have to deal with, if you must, and what you should expect in response. My card is not about my weaknesses, it's about my strengths. The job I have now I solely owe to being an aspie, my boss hired me because he knew what Aspergers was, and, in his eyes, he was getting a great bargain. I didn't tell him I might have a meltdown someday, or that I might stim, but I did tell him that he would get a hardworking and dedicated employee with a 100% focus. He has never regretted his choice.

If you use the card to sell your weakness then you are dead in the water.

Like Judge I often look to see which side of the pond the post is from, it seems there is far more bigotry within the workplace, and community, than there is over here.

My village knows me well, we also have a community of auties in several homes that regularly meet up on the green. Our local policeman is transexual (F->M) and everyone has given up on working out the ethnic mix of the area. The greatest thing is that we look out for each other, irrespective of race, religion or abilities. Yes, it can go wrong and when it does we close ranks.

Maybe I have just been lucky, or maybe I made my own luck. Who knows


Edit - Just thinking. In my area we have Aspire, an organisation to help aspies, and Sanctuary, a large private housing group that offers homes to auties/aspies who would be homeless. They are homeshare schemes, but it is better than the streets.

Not such a bad place to live really.

Harrison, a pleasure as ever.
As we have discussed previously, I think you and I have jumped the track and manifested our own destiny independent of the accepted social structure.
In a sense, we collapsed the wave of what is and observed the particle of what can be. We bent "is-ness" to our own will.

 

[watersprite]

They are mainly about re-establishing boundaries and renegotiating commitments and responsibilities. Supplying any more details will only sound like whining.



I guess I have a hard time wrapping my head around how admitting that I can't do all that I said I could and would do is taking personal responsibility. Seems just the opposite. I am very comfortable with what being an Aspie means socially, if people have a problem with my behavior and tendencies, F-them (very politely, of course). But I have really struggled academically, economically, and all those other things that responsible adults seem to be able to manage. I've just barely kept my head above water and always feel the whole thing could collapse at any time. That is where I would most seek to play the card, if I thought there would be any benefit.

While I am very inspired by your's and Qwerty's (wow, that's an fun and easy name type!) I often feel I just have to admit that I'm not that strong of a person. I have had a long time of feeling embattled and poorly served by my tendency to shut down when what I need to do is stand up, get to work and make my case.

This gets at what I was having a difficult time communicating. I too am inspired by these ideals and realistic, attainable goals.

Subjectively speaking, an important point is this: while there could potentially be a "teaching moment" in a situation where one of us pulls the aspie card, doing any sort of teaching whatsoever with using the card goes 180° against my reality. That is because I would only use the card in situations where I was already maxed out or overwhelmed. Any extra pressure - especially highly social ones - for me to properly impart moral lessons would turn me in a monsterr.
So, I humbly leave teaching moments to be carried out by those who have the wherewithal. my choice is right for me, others may feel differently and as On The Inside said, stronger than me.

 

[qwerty]

Harrison, a pleasure as ever.
As we have discussed previously, I think you and I have jumped the track and manifested our own destiny independent of the accepted social structure.
In a sense, we collapsed the wave of what is and observed the particle of what can be. We bent "is-ness" to our own will.

I like the concept of a collapsing wave probability field to it's realised, observed actuality as an analogy, it is useful to think that way. To visualise a desired result as collapsing wave functions to there manifest particle, literally observing a more hopeful and better tomorrow.

I will use this.