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pet etiquette for dating inquiry

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I feel like this doesn't happen often as none of my friends have ever asked me to do this, but how do you feel about if you were just dating someone and they ask you to let them have the dog stay at your place so that they can spend more time with you?

I understand that the dog needs attention in particular more than your "typical dog", but something feels so off about this request for me. Even the guy himself felt a bit concerned about the request :/

I've dated the guy twice, and the dates went well, but they were also all in his area. We live about 1 hr driving distance from each other.
 
When you say "having their dog stay at your place so they can spend more time with you", do you mean he'll leave the dog with you when he goes home? That would be unusual and weird. Not really a problem if you love dogs and have the space, but it's a bit weird. You should check your bathroom and drawers. If you find a toothbrush and socks that are not yours, he moved into your apartment and you now live together. ;)
 
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When you say "having their dog stay at your place so they can spend more time with you", do you mean he'll leave the dog with you when he goes home? That would be unusual and weird. Not really a problem if you love dogs and have the space, but it's a bit weird. You should check you bathroom and drawers. If you find a toothbrush and socks that are not yours, he moved into your apartment and you now live together. ;)
No, I mean he would leave the dog at my place when we were spending time with each other. Whether we went out to a restaurant or spent time at my place, the dog would be around in my place.
 
I feel like this doesn't happen often as none of my friends have ever asked me to do this
Maybe you should just leave it at that unless the issue actually comes up.

Considering that if the relationship grows, that it might not be such an imposing request. Unless of course you have a lease like mine that prohibits pets of any kind on the premises without being a condition of the lease.

Then again, how do YOU feel about pets in general? I love animals myself, but I don't relish being put on the spot in such a situation. However in the early stages of a relationship, my advice is not to try to compete with their pets. When they may so easily pick up their pooch and never see you again. It's a good but tough question socially speaking...and a complex one given how many of us would do anything for our pets.
 
Maybe you should just leave it at that unless the issue actually comes up.

Considering that if the relationship grows, that it might not be such an imposing request. Unless of course you have a lease like mine that prohibits pets of any kind on the premises without being a condition of the lease.

Then again, how do YOU feel about pets in general? I love animals myself, but I don't relish being put on the spot in such a situation. However in the early stages of a relationship, my advice is not to try to compete with their pets. When they may so easily pick up their pooch and never see you again. It's a good but tough question socially speaking...and a complex one given how many of us would do anything for our pets.

I don't hate animals, but I'm not so crazy about them either. They can be a big responsibility and expense, and they can hold me up from things. My place would probably be that much dirtier and then I'd have to try to clean it all up. I'm overwhelmed as it is. Pet hair would get into thee refrigerator bottom and I don't know how to clean that properly. It's just one of those things for having a pet.

Pets are permitted where I live.

The date is the one who asked me to have his pet over at my place. Not the other way around.

I think this is an awkward request- especially when he hasn't been in my area once and I went to his area twice. The first two dates went well.
 
@paloftoon

Would the dog be crated?
Or loose?

It would make some sense, to me, if what he asked was
whether you'd be ok with him bringing the dog along
with the two of you on your date. That was actually
what I was expecting to see you say, as I was reading
the first post.
 
@paloftoon

Would the dog be crated?
Or loose?

It would make some sense, to me, if what he asked was
whether you'd be ok with him bringing the dog along
with the two of you on your date. That was actually
what I was expecting to see you say, as I was reading
the first post.
It would be loose.
 
I think this is an awkward request- especially when he hasn't been in my area once and I went to his area twice. The first two dates went well.
I agree. The kind of request that seems inappropriate on general principle assuming you haven't known them very long. Ugh. If the relationship blossoms, then perhaps it might not seem so bad. Especially if in time you somehow manage to bond with his pet.

Me? I'm a sucker for bonding with dogs- and cats. Love 'em all...though yeah it would require changing my lease with a pet deposit.
 
It would be loose.
1678823017377.png
 
Honestly, I think you should be straight up with your friend. If you don't feel comfortable keeping their dog, just let them know. Don't be a dick about it, but still make your feelings known. You have to think to yourself, would you rather have a few seconds of discomfort from saying "no", or far more discomfort when you say "yes", but you never wanted to keep the dog to begin with, but now you're stuck...
 
In terms of "pet ettiquette", I think it's also reasonable for pet owners to take into consideration that not everyone is wild about pets. And expect on occasion to have to compromise with them as a basic courtesy.
 
Honestly, I think you should be straight up with your friend. If you don't feel comfortable keeping their dog, just let them know. Don't be a dick about it, but still make your feelings known. You have to think to yourself, would you rather have a few seconds of discomfort from saying "no", or far more discomfort when you say "yes", but you never wanted to keep the dog to begin with, but now you're stuck...
I ended up suggesting we meet for a shorter period of time the first time around with no dog. He agreed to this. I had to cancel the next day because my parents are coming over to help me with taxes, and they don't live close. We can't meet the next two weekends, and he didn't want to talk about meeting on the third weekend now. He isn't going to initiate and I don't think he wants to leave his area or his dog. He can't meet during the week because of work and getting tired after work on top of taking care of the dog.
 
I ended up suggesting we meet for a shorter period of time the first time around with no dog. He agreed to this. I had to cancel the next day because my parents are coming over to help me with taxes, and they don't live close. We can't meet the next two weekends, and he didn't want to talk about meeting on the third weekend now. He isn't going to initiate and I don't think he wants to leave his area or his dog. He can't meet during the week because of work and getting tired after work on top of taking care of the dog.
Well, at least it sounded like a compromise. Hope you can reschedule.
 
I feel like this doesn't happen often as none of my friends have ever asked me to do this, but how do you feel about if you were just dating someone and they ask you to let them have the dog stay at your place so that they can spend more time with you?

I understand that the dog needs attention in particular more than your "typical dog", but something feels so off about this request for me. Even the guy himself felt a bit concerned about the request :/

I've dated the guy twice, and the dates went well, but they were also all in his area. We live about 1 hr driving distance from each other.
The other option is to spend the time at their place. Obviously she wants to spend time with you. Many dog owner consider their dog to be a furry child.

I wouldn't leave my dog alone overnight unless I had a yard, a doggy door and the dog was used to being on its own. Pet sitters are expensive.

A dog person will not get along with a nondog person for very long. Two fundamentally different personalities.
 
The other option is to spend the time at their place. Obviously she wants to spend time with you. Many dog owner consider their dog to be a furry child.

I wouldn't leave my dog alone overnight unless I had a yard, a doggy door and the dog was used to being on its own. Pet sitters are expensive.

A dog person will not get along with a nondog person for very long. Two fundamentally different personalities.
I am okay with spending time at his place. Although it is an hr drive one way. It feels more like I'm doing fwb and not a relationship if I'm always going to his place. I guess I could be okay with that if I only drive the 1 hr when I feel like it, but there are two people even in an fwb lolol!!
 
As a dog owner who has some difficulty being away from my dog, I can understand his intention, but not really the way he did it. As tree mentioned, asking if the dog could come along on adventures makes more sense.

But it is giving you information that if you are to further your relationship with this guy, then the presence of the dog will be important to him. If that’s the case, I hope you are an outdoorsy kind of person, because that’s really where dogs to best!

Dog lovers are nuts, reporting first hand, here.
 
As a dog owner who has some difficulty being away from my dog, I can understand his intention, but not really the way he did it. As tree mentioned, asking if the dog could come along on adventures makes more sense.

But it is giving you information that if you are to further your relationship with this guy, then the presence of the dog will be important to him. If that’s the case, I hope you are an outdoorsy kind of person, because that’s really where dogs to best!

Dog lovers are nuts, reporting first hand, here.
Not much of an outdoors person here. Not opposed to outdoors, but a doghouse would not be allowed in the community I live in. So, that is not even a possible option ;/
Some friends I've asked about this, none of them have had a date or another friend make this kind of request to them. Some dates that had pets, they would deal with how to care for it themselves and not put it on the potential partner to deal with, or at least not so early on in the dating process.

As this isn't the only thing he's struggling with, it is making me lose interest in anything serious with him now.
 
I am not looking to reschedule unless he initiates. I think I need to try to find a better guy for me now, lolol.
Can't say I blame you. I mean just in terms of human etiquette, I can't ever imagine taking so much liberty with someone I barely know to take custody of my pet. It just isn't right.
 
Can't say I blame you. I mean just in terms of human etiquette, I can't ever imagine taking so much liberty with someone I barely know to take custody of my pet. It just isn't right.
It's not me taking custody of his pet, but it's "free boarding" for his pet and "a test of me wanting to be around the pet and him" at the same time.
 

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