Person has suddenly gone from Friendly to cold/Avoiding me. I can’t cope

[Fridgemagnetman]

You people are cold.

I don’t think you can understand why it’s hard to accept rejection. It makes you feel insecure and you wonder if there’s something wrong with you/unlikeable.

Also, it starts to feel uncomfortable if you have to see the person frequently and it’s clear that they are going out of their way to avoid you.

I am not obsessed with her. I want to be liked and accepted. It is hard to keep getting rejected for NO reason.

Everyone is rejected for no reason at some point. It's called life.

I think the people on here have just walked down the same road as you but are just a little further along.

So they're telling you what they did .

Not perhaps giving you the empathy you would like to get.

If you are defining it as being 'rejected' then you are involved mentally in a process.

I think the others are alluding to that.

 

[Mary Lyn]

Do you acknowledge her when you see her by just a 'hello'? Is she ignoring that?

Rejection is just a fact of life which all people go through. Okay aspies more, but you seem to have problems with self worth which counselling could help you with.

ps just saw your post Fridgemagnetman

 

[AO1501]

Yes, but I don't think you understand my perspective.

Yes, I think we do. It is hardly difficult.

I don't like having animosity with a stranger if I can. This situation is pointless and was brought up over nothing, really.

There is no animosity at all in this, other than in your imagination. Her choice to ignore you is nothing but a choice to ignore you. It is you who is interpreting that into animosity. It's in your head, not hers.

It was awkward yesterday when we sat in the back of the car and she couldn't even have the decency to muster up a 'hi'.

She doesn't owe you anything, and failing to say anything to you is not a matter of her failing in human decency. In fact that is a choice we all make routinely - who we talk to and who we don't. You are personalising something that you actually have no right to personalise, and accusing someone of behaving badly when in fact all she is doing is minding her own business and making her own choices.

I was told that she stopped speaking to me because she thought that we didn't have anything in common. If this is the case, then imo it's a bit of an overreaction. She can surely still greet me and pass herself is this is the case.

Not speaking to someone you don't want to speak to is not any kind of overreaction. It's a simple and straightforward choice. You don't have any right to know why she has made that choice, but it is clear that she has, and your failure to respect that choice is a very troubling issue - clearly increasingly troubling to her.

Your inability to respect her choice relating to communicating with you puts you in the wrong in a significant way. That is why you are getting critical responses here. You have put yourself in the wrong by expecting something of this person that she is very clearly not willing to give you. That could easily be construed as abusive.

Frankly, you really do need to accept her choice regarding not talking to you, and stop blaming her for what is very obviously a problem in you.

 

[BraidedPony]

So? Something is hard? Get used to it and welcome to the real world. If you think this is the only time you will be rejected, you are very very wrong.
No only do you have no self awareness but you have another flaw, you’re not kind.
I think that you joined a girl’s Aspie group and you don’t belong. Do them a favor and leave the group and start your own for boys that may be Aspie.

 

[Mary Anne]

You people are cold.

I don’t think you can understand why it’s hard to accept rejection. It makes you feel insecure and you wonder if there’s something wrong with you/unlikeable.

Also, it starts to feel uncomfortable if you have to see the person frequently and it’s clear that they are going out of their way to avoid you.

I am not obsessed with her. I want to be liked and accepted. It is hard to keep getting rejected for NO reason.

But you are not understanding what we all are posting here. she does seem to have clear reasons! Plus, just being autistic pretty much gives people a pass on having to explain why they are not social, have difficulties with “ friendly people,” and flee from unwanted attentions. As an autistic, maybe you need to understand there is an enormous spectrum out there. We all do not act or think the same way. At least try to understand that.

YOU might think you are owed explanations. You might think you are being polite, friendly, and everyone should respond back equally. But the world is not like this, and it’s just better, and more rational to move on, or move out. If YOU are so uncomfortable, why not leave this group? You might be making others uncomfortable there too.

 

[AO1501]

Apropos of nothing in anyone's attempted responses, I find it little short of astonishing that we are on page 5 of a thread about a autistic girl not wanting to engage with an emotionally abusive boy who is prolonging his own agony here by repeating his behaviour every time he imagines he is being slighted by someone who owes him absolutely nothing at all.

We have had threads less than half this length about life-changing relationship issues!

Seriously.... 5 pages of 'This girl won't talk to me, and I won't be satisfied until I get what I want from her'?! Jeeez, in her place I'd hire a lawyer!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Apropos of nothing in anyone's attempted responses, I find it little short of astonishing that we are on page 5 of a thread about a autistic girl not wanting to engage with an emotionally abusive boy who is prolonging his own agony here by repeating his behaviour every time he imagines he is being slighted by someone who owes him absolutely nothing at all.

We have had threads less than half this length about life-changing relationship issues!

Seriously.... 5 pages of 'This girl won't talk to me, and I won't be satisfied until I get what I want from her'?! Jeeez, in her place I'd hire a lawyer!

Is he a snowman or what?

 

[Mary Lyn]

If a man was giving me unwanted attention I would ignore him because I would think that speaking to him or just saying hello would encourage him.

 

[BraidedPony]

It’s so fascinatingly dysfunctional I cannot stop watching this thread! Now I need therapy to get over the addiction of this!
OK, I’m going to click on Unwatch Thread and just go cold turkey...

 

[Frostee]

Do you acknowledge her when you see her by just a 'hello'? Is she ignoring that?

Rejection is just a fact of life which all people go through. Okay aspies more, but you seem to have problems with self worth which counselling could help you with.

ps just saw your post Fridgemagnetman

No. I don't.

I asked her friend today. I was up front and honest, I told him to be truthful with me. He said that she was 'tired'. I'm not sure what to make of that, but it ain't the truth, based on her body language.

Or at least the lack of open friendliness that she shows towards me compared to a week ago.

And, yes, I do have self confidence issues. I was bullied for years. I have started to put myself out there, via Aspergers groups and sometimes struggle with their behaviours. Because a lot of the time, they're quite abrupt or don't act in a friendship the way i'd expect.

 

[Frostee]

If a man was giving me unwanted attention I would ignore him because I would think that speaking to him or just saying hello would encourage him.

Are you struggling? I am not a love interest, it was a social relationship which she begun.

 

[Frostee]

Apropos of nothing in anyone's attempted responses, I find it little short of astonishing that we are on page 5 of a thread about a autistic girl not wanting to engage with an emotionally abusive boy who is prolonging his own agony here by repeating his behaviour every time he imagines he is being slighted by someone who owes him absolutely nothing at all.

We have had threads less than half this length about life-changing relationship issues!

Seriously.... 5 pages of 'This girl won't talk to me, and I won't be satisfied until I get what I want from her'?! Jeeez, in her place I'd hire a lawyer!

How the [deleted] am I emotionally abusive? I haven't bloody said anything to her since the text.

I am only commenting on the fact that her body language shows that she is GOING out of her way not to go near me or speak to me. That means that she is not making eye contact with me, speaking to me or sitting beside me. It doesn't mean that she is running for the hills with fear.

This is NOT a love relationship, it is a friendship that went sour. So stop interpreting it that way. And stop assuming that I keep trying to iniate things with her, because i'm not.

 

[Frostee]

So? Something is hard? Get used to it and welcome to the real world. If you think this is the only time you will be rejected, you are very very wrong.
No only do you have no self awareness but you have another flaw, you’re not kind.
I think that you joined a girl’s Aspie group and you don’t belong. Do them a favor and leave the group and start your own for boys that may be Aspie.

What the hell? Where did I say it was a girls group? You are completely misreading my post.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

So stop interpreting it that way

He'll do that, if you do the same.

Perhaps consider other people may have a valid view for a reason you don't see.

 

[Frostee]

He'll do that, if you do the same.

Perhaps consider other people may have a valid view for a reason you don't see.

But it isn't. Why can't these people not grasp that I haven't spoken to this girl face to face or via text in about a week?

I'm only commenting on how i'm confused on what has went on and how she is not talking to me at all.

 

[WildCat]

I literally haven’t spoken to her, so drop it.

I think you should take the advice of dropping it as well. The more you stew over this, the worse it's going to get. You're also giving yourself away with every response you make to this thread. That person behind the mask posting here will come out eventually.

You can review this and modify your strategy or learn what the definition of insanity is. Or something else altogether.

 

[AO1501]

But it isn't. Why can't these people not grasp that I haven't spoken to this girl face to face or via text in about a week?

Firstly, we only have your (rather lengthy) list of contributions to go on in terms of what your experience of this has been, and it has been a very monotonous list of contributions, not least because you have ignored every shred of support and advice that you have been offered, and continue to describe her behaviour in dismissive terms, while blaming her for upsetting you.

Secondly, if that isn't what you're trying to say, you might want to find a better way of expressing yourself, because that is precisely what you have been saying.

I'm only commenting on how i'm confused on what has went on and how she is not talking to me at all.

And we've been telling you that this is nothing unusual, that it happens to everyone, and furthermore that however 'confused' you are, you need to get over it because how she behaves is her decision, and you have no option other than accept it.... which you are not doing. That is exactly what I said: easily construed as abusive.

Not that there is any point in posting this, because you'll just ignore it, and all the other wisdom being offered, and continue to repeat your self-imagined injury.

Given that the definition of stupidity is repeating the same thing whilst expecting a different outcome, I'll stop there.

 

[Frostee]

I think you should take the advice of dropping it as well. The more you stew over this, the worse it's going to get.

You can learn from this and modify your strategy or learn what the definition of insanity is.

Ok, attack, attack, attack. Such a nice person.

 

[Frostee]

Firstly, we only have your (rather lengthy) list of contributions to go on in terms of what your experience of this has been, and it has been a very monotonous list of contributions, not least because you have ignored every shred of support and advice that you have been offered, and continue to describe her behaviour in dismissive terms, while blaming her for upsetting you.

Secondly, if that isn't what you're trying to say, you might want to find a better way of expressing yourself, because that is precisely what you have been saying.



And we've been telling you that this is nothing unusual, that it happens to everyone, and furthermore that however 'confused' you are, you need to get over it because how she behaves is her decision, and you have no option other than accept it.... which you are not doing. That is exactly what I said: easily construed as abusive.

Not that there is any point in posting this, because you'll just ignore it, and all the other wisdom being offered, and continue to repeat your self-imagined injury.

Given that the definition of stupidity is repeating the same thing whilst expecting a different outcome, I'll stop there.

Goodbye.