Persecuted at university?

[Snowseal]

My husband has aspergers and is in a master of teaching program at a private university.

Recently, his professors and the dean of the education department have told him that unless he makes “fundamental changes to his entire life” that they will not allow him to continue on in the program and graduate.

Some of his fellow students have made complaints against him for interactions outside of school, at social events. Despite his best attempts to make friends, some students find him too pushy and dominant.


Academically, he is excelling. He's passionate about what he wants to teach and often stays up late making lesson plans for the future.


One of his professors knows he has aspergers, yet has told my husband that he wouldn't like to be his colleague, and that he doesn't think my husband can change. He also suggested that my husband have a “coming out” moment in the middle of class to let his peers know about his “disability.” His professor wants my husband to “be like Temple Grandin.”


Another professor told my husband that there are “issues with his genetics.” And his upbringing.


I'm pretty livid. I feel like my husband is being punished for a few of his classmates not liking him, based on extracurricular activities. I feel like this isn't any business of the school's, and I am in disbelief that they are pushing him to disclose personal information to his peers, as well as telling him there's something wrong with his genetics.


There are laws against that sort of thing, yes?


Now we are $40,000 in debt for potentially no gain, not to mention making my husband feel harassed, bullied and terrible about himself.


Looking for any advice on how to approach this situation. Thank you.

 

[xudo]

Honestly, the professors sound like d**ks. As for the other students, the only advice I can really give is to stop trying to socialise with them.

In terms of changing himself, firstly he shouldn't have to and secondly at best, he could only learn to mimic NT behaviour as opposed to actually fundamentally changing the way he is.

I would look in to making a complaint to someone higher up about the behaviour of these professors. They have hardly behaved in a professional manner towards both your husband or the wider situation. I'm in the UK, so our laws are obviously different, but here this sort of thing would come under disability discrimination laws.

 

[dragoncat16]

Do not let them get away with this discrimination. Report it to the highest level at the university.

 

[Jorg]

Is there any Human Resources/psicology department where you can make a complaint? Something like this shouldn't be allowed! Some kind of official student body which protects students rights?

If something like this happened in my university there could be a huge scandal!

 

[pjcnet]

I agree with others that you should complain, this discriminating behaviour is unacceptable and even illegal in some countries. Get a copy of their official complaints procedure and follow it through. If you're still not happy look for the governing body that oversees universities / education, or there may be a government department that specifically enforces equal rights and no discrimination that you can escalate the complaint to, there must be something higher than the university itself, but I'm not sure who this would be in your particular country (I could try to find out online if you want to let me know what country you live in, or you could most likely just find out yourself). Best of luck!

 

[LogicalMind]

google the law

 

[MonolithImmortal]

Yeah, this sounds like a violation of the Americans with Disabilities act. Threaten a law suit. Have a lawyer send a formal letter. If that doesn't work, sue.

 

[Mia]

Depending on where you are in the world, what country, it is absolutely time to go to the head Dean's (not the Dean who indicated this, another) office and also to see the Chancellor. This is quite inappropriate behaviour on the school's part. It's not up to them to decide whether or not he will fit in, and to attempt to change his personality. His academics are what they should be focusing on, not his personal skills.

Time to file a serious 'discrimination' complaint and make it official. You have to follow through with this, not only to protect your husband's schooling, but to ensure it's documented so that they can't ignore it. Keep in mind that academia works quite slowly.

https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/howto.html

https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/ensure99.html

 

[-SN]

You are paying for the education and degree not their personal opinions on how one should act or not act.

I agree it's discrimination.
Your husband is probably smarter than them and they don't like it.

Don't let them win.

 

[OkRad]

That is hideous. I have been singled out after abuse, and even though you are in the right, the stain and trauma remain. Now I always second guess who I can trust, does everyone feel this way, why did that happen? etc................I am angry that happened to him! He is lucky to have you!

 

[Ambi]

My husband has aspergers and is in a master of teaching program at a private university.

Recently, his professors and the dean of the education department have told him that unless he makes “fundamental changes to his entire life” that they will not allow him to continue on in the program and graduate.

Some of his fellow students have made complaints against him for interactions outside of school, at social events. Despite his best attempts to make friends, some students find him too pushy and dominant.


Academically, he is excelling. He's passionate about what he wants to teach and often stays up late making lesson plans for the future.


One of his professors knows he has aspergers, yet has told my husband that he wouldn't like to be his colleague, and that he doesn't think my husband can change. He also suggested that my husband have a “coming out” moment in the middle of class to let his peers know about his “disability.” His professor wants my husband to “be like Temple Grandin.”


Another professor told my husband that there are “issues with his genetics.” And his upbringing.


I'm pretty livid. I feel like my husband is being punished for a few of his classmates not liking him, based on extracurricular activities. I feel like this isn't any business of the school's, and I am in disbelief that they are pushing him to disclose personal information to his peers, as well as telling him there's something wrong with his genetics.


There are laws against that sort of thing, yes?


Now we are $40,000 in debt for potentially no gain, not to mention making my husband feel harassed, bullied and terrible about himself.


Looking for any advice on how to approach this situation. Thank you.

Editing because I misread the original post! I thought your husband was a professor or teacher already, rather than a student. But still....

Before looking into lawsuits and discrimination and all of that, I think you need to find a counselor of some sort who can really sit down and meet with the people who want him to change and your husband to really get to the bottom of the issues and if/how they can be addressed so that everyone can be more comfortable. None of what you've described seems worthy of a lawsuit to me - the real victory would be in getting to the bottom of the issue directly with a mediated conversation. In the past, I have been massively inappropriate/pushy without even realizing it. I am glad that I slowly learned to stop doing that, because that was always going to screw me over until I did. If people are uncomfortable with him, I think it would be most advantageous for him to learn from that. If you look further into it and it seems your husband didn't really create enough discomfort among enough people to indicate a true social issue, then that's a different story. Many Aspies end up struggling with social factors at work enough to burn out, leave, or get fired - over and over and over. The social factor has truly plagued me at work. So it would not be at all unusual for him to be coming off socially in a way that makes others uncomfortable or seems inappropriate - I say learn what you can from this experience if there is some legitimacy to the concern.

 

[Judge]

Recently, his professors and the dean of the education department have told him that unless he makes “fundamental changes to his entire life” that they will not allow him to continue on in the program and graduate.

Some of his fellow students have made complaints against him for interactions outside of school, at social events. Despite his best attempts to make friends, some students find him too pushy and dominant.

Exactly what "fundamental changes" is he being asked to change? And are such concerns being construed as some kind of violation of a specific collegiate code of conduct?

 

[Snowseal]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I feel like my husband has learned from this experience, and the weekend after the meeting, really did make some progress in self-reflection. I also contacted several professional organizations, the dean of grad studies and the dean of diversity.

They told him his eye contact and body language was offensive. He's also the only student that didn't stand up in class and give a little speech on what they've been a victim of, because he didn't want to share that he has asperger's. Other students shared that they are on the spectrum, stories of their sexuality and childhood abuse and racial/gender oppresion. I think the teachers resented my husband for "not opening up" to his classmates.

Unfortunately, before any complaints could be lodged, or any progress shown to the professors, my husband recieved a letter asking him to withdraw from classes. I had a meeting scheduled with dean of diversity and a title 9 lawyer for this friday at 9am, but we now have a meeting with the dean of the education program and dean of graduate studies friday at 9am.

Officially, they've stated that he is "not meeting the professional standards" of:
Accepts personal responsibility
Displays positive attitude
Listens to others
Actively works to build relationships with peers, students, building personnel and university communities
Considers other points of view
Considers the time and needs of others
Considers issues/problems from multiple perspectives
Responds positively to feedback

Luckily, the staff advisor to the student political group my husband started is also on the academic standards committee, and is willing to help my husband fight this. I feel that we have evidence to refute all the claims. Hoping it all works out.

We were going to play nice, but now legal action is definitely on the table. I personally feel the comments that there are "issues with his genetics" and the pressure to disclosure his asperger's status are inexcusable.

 

[pjcnet]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I feel like my husband has learned from this experience, and the weekend after the meeting, really did make some progress in self-reflection. I also contacted several professional organizations, the dean of grad studies and the dean of diversity.

They told him his eye contact and body language was offensive. He's also the only student that didn't stand up in class and give a little speech on what they've been a victim of, because he didn't want to share that he has asperger's. Other students shared that they are on the spectrum, stories of their sexuality and childhood abuse and racial/gender oppresion. I think the teachers resented my husband for "not opening up" to his classmates.

Unfortunately, before any complaints could be lodged, or any progress shown to the professors, my husband recieved a letter asking him to withdraw from classes. I had a meeting scheduled with dean of diversity and a title 9 lawyer for this friday at 9am, but we now have a meeting with the dean of the education program and dean of graduate studies friday at 9am.

Officially, they've stated that he is "not meeting the professional standards" of:
Accepts personal responsibility
Displays positive attitude
Listens to others
Actively works to build relationships with peers, students, building personnel and university communities
Considers other points of view
Considers the time and needs of others
Considers issues/problems from multiple perspectives
Responds positively to feedback

Luckily, the staff advisor to the student political group my husband started is also on the academic standards committee, and is willing to help my husband fight this. I feel that we have evidence to refute all the claims. Hoping it all works out.

We were going to play nice, but now legal action is definitely on the table. I personally feel the comments that there are "issues with his genetics" and the pressure to disclosure his asperger's status are inexcusable.

Virtually everything you've stated that they've complained about are either caused by autistic traits or are autistic traits and I can relate to many times people have accused myself of exactly the same points throughout my life including in my previous work place.

I cannot believe that people who are supposed to be so well educated "told him his eye contact and body language was offensive.", that's often how autistic people unintentionally come across to NTs, but the point is it truly can't be helped and it purely comes down to NTs misunderstanding as there is usually absolutely no malice or offence intended and it is most definitely NOT your husband's fault in any way what-so-ever. Anyway I think your husband now has a right to be upset by the dire way he is being treated and prejudiced against, I can only imagine the terrible attitude he receives there from others and I wouldn't be surprised if people are now complaining about any little thing just because of this prejudice (I've had this too where everyone gangs up against you looking for things to complain about on purpose in order to get you into trouble). Anyone, even an NT person would be very upset to be on the receiving end of this unfair treatment. In fact the staff at the university and perhaps even some fellow students should be the ones being disciplined for being severely prejudice against someone with "disabilities" (I don't like that word as Asperger Syndrome is just different and has advantages and disadvantages, but NTs often class it a "disability"). Would they get away with complaining that someone like Professor Steven Hawking was giving them horrid or weird looks from his wheelchair? No, because they know the way he appears is part of his condition and can't be helped, in this case it's obvious, but with Asperger Syndrome it's often not obvious to many NTs and in a lot of ways people with autism often get a really raw deal purely because of this severe lack of understanding. The staff at the university might be very well educated in the subjects of their curriculum, but they most definitely have barely any understanding of autistic spectrum disorders, well either that or they don't want to understand. Either way this is severely prejudice and I have stated just one example of their prejudiced complaints that are effectively complaining about autistic traits, I could go on and write a lot more. Also why should your husband be forced to stand up and share that he has Asperger Syndrome? Whether or not he wants to share that personal information with his fellow students is entirely up to him and what's more people with Asperger Syndrome often find it difficult to stand up in front of others in the first place. He most definitely should NOT be criticised for not doing this and there shouldn't have been any pressure for him to do so in the first place. It angers me when I hear about people on the autistic spectrum being treated so badly.

It would be great if you could get someone in a professional position who does understand autism on your side to stand up to them with you, but I would at least print off some information on autistic traits to help back up your complaints. I sincerely hope you get the justice your husband deserves, he should at the very least be apologised to for the way he's been treated and the staff should receive relevant training. Thanks for keeping us updated and I wish you the very best of luck!

PS: I hope it doesn't need come to this, but if it does end up coming down to legal action I think you'll win at this stage. If your husband is excluded he should certainly be compensated, but this still won't truly compensate for the what he's been through and the education time he will have missed out on (you deserve compensation too for all the stress it must be causing yourself). I just wonder how many other autistic adults are prejudiced against in similar situations however and haven't got the means to take legal action, or simply haven't got the support, backing or confidence to do so? Much more needs to be done to stop this prejudice and to educate people in positions of responsibility. Anyway your husband is lucky to have you, well done!