I don't bother telling people anymore. Many days I don't believe I'm autistic myself. I wonder if its a personality or anxiety thing. I wrote some stuff about how I relate to people. Feedback would be appreciated.
People are hard, I need to invest an enormous amount of energy into understanding basic things. I use scripts to help me. My scripts are incredibly complex. Like instruction manuals or algorithms built from the ground up to deal with very specific things like, gestures, tones of voice, phrases.
I highly recommend you watch this video
What You Need to Know About Neurodiversity on Neuro Diversity.
I think that we are entering a brand new age where we stop referring to some people as "disabled" and others as "normal." Everyone is on a spectrum of some sort of understanding, capacity, orientation to the world and to others.
Did you know that ASD used to be referred to in men as "man disease?" Seriously, I'm not kidding. This is just what makes it so difficult for people to get people with ASD. In lots of ways, you and others with ASD appear to be like everyone else, to the extent we perceive we understand what "like everyone else" really means.
And, as you've so well named, you have scripts and other coping strategies and skills that you have developed to help you get by in an over-stimulating sensory and confusing world.
The reason I bring up "man disease" as a reference is to point out that there are millions and millions of people in the world who have the challenge of not yet having the skill, capacity or familiarity with navigating their emotional world, much less articulating an understandable description.
There are also millions and millions of people on this planet who are completely confused about social-emotional intelligence, those basic skills you're talking about--social cues, context, etc... Most of them would not necessarily be described as having ASD, and yet, the behaviors and confusion that they experience are quite similar, often identical.
Soooo...when people say to you: "oh, I get it" they are referring to the run of the mill confusion people have with social-emotional situations.
You should know that most of the people who appear to get these situations, are mostly faking it and also using scripts: "hi, how are you?" they're not really interested and/or attuned to your answer, they're just doing what they have been taught, using a script. Only, with them, it probably doesn't cause the level of anxiety you and others with ASD are experiencing.
Have you read the research that is fairly new about how people with ASD, previously thought to be incapable of empathy and deep emotional understanding, actually are experiencing empathy and their own emotions much more deeply than the rest of the world and this is a primary cause for the anxiety and depression.
None of us have adequately learned how to navigate our emotional lives. Most people are acting most of the time, copying what's socially acceptable and carrying on--and they're not necessarily living satisfying lives...they're doing what's "socially acceptable," and that might include becoming an alcoholic, addicted to opiodes, work-a-holic, etc...
Do you see what I am getting at? You are no less "normal" than anyone else, you have though been identified as someone who cannot tolerate the "status quo." And, that's actually a good thing. The problem is, you haven't been introduced to the tools on how to navigate life from this place--with what may feel like a hyper-sensitivity to yourself and others around you.
Make sense?
It sounds to me like you have the making of an awesome and inspiring TedTalk from what you wrote!
I have a teenage daughter with ASD and it's been hard for me as her mother to really get that she has ASD, and her father, who also has it, but denies it, really struggles with it acknowledging that she has it...and so continues to set unrealistic and unfair expectations of her as a result, which of course leaves her feeling ashamed of herself and her self-esteem plummets. And, like many dads, not just ones with ASD, doesn't pick up on what I'm going to call the "social-emotional cues," of what she's needing in the moment.
I'm a highly skilled and professionally trained coach in this area, and I often miss the cues! It's a full time job. So, for me, my extra work to get along on this planet and to get along with my daughter, is a regular practice of forgiveness and self-compassion that I'm not always going to get it right...just like the rest of the world, those with ASD and those not identified with ASD.
In so many areas of my daughter's life, she is brilliant, capable and competent--in all areas really. But, if we're not all navigating her day with her, recognizing that she's had enough of the "outside world" and is in need of down time, in need of art therapy, or listening to music alone, or hiding in our family room with the shades pulled down, shutting out all outside light and the rest of the world, things that everyone needs in their lives to navigate the busyness of the over stimulating world we now live in, she's going to meltdown and then her emotions get expressed in some not-so-healthy, mature, or aligned with her age and intellectual capacity, sort of ways.
Is that familiar to you?
Please think about presenting your story to the world in some visible place where others can see and hear it. The world needs a much better understanding of ASD...not just for others with ASD or for others to understand people with ASD, but for everyone to start seeing that our inner worlds need attention and we need to do more to bring down the stimulation on the planet, for everyone's sake. This is why you're seeing an explosion of mindfulness and mediation classes, books and workshops. The whole planet is exhausted and strained with feeling like we all need to be "ON" all of the time.
I don't in any way mean to diminish the effects of this on you. I'm certain from what you've described that you feel it more powerfully than most. I just want you to know that you are not alone--and not even exclusively having these experiences because of your diagnosis, so you're less alone than you might be aware of. It's only in connecting and sharing, as you have so courageously done here, that you get to hear that from others.
I'm a life coach--I teach mindfulness and transformative processing and work with people who are learning presentation skills for public speaking. I'd be happy to talk more with you if you have any interest in exploring that. In the meantime, start researching neuro-diversity and the polyvagal theory. These two topics alone will open up so much for you. And, by all means, sign up for a mindfulness or mediation class, workshop or retreat. I promise you will find great relief and comfort in your life by learning how to meditate and modulate in this way. It is the tool that will allow you to navigate anxiety in a healthy and empowering way.
Thank you for your vulnerable and courageous share. Do it more where more people can see and hear it. The world needs to understand and we won't get that understanding from people considered "neuro-typical." We need from what I call: ''the horses mouth," the person who is actually living and experiencing life in the ways you've described.